OK here is the situation, I am not in love wiht my husband havnt been for a while now. I dont find him attractive, when he came on R&R for 2 weeks from Iraq, i made my self sleep with him... I have resently got back in contact with my first love, the one person that i know i was ment to be wtih. and he loves me as much as he did then if not more. he loves my baby... and i want to be with him sooo bad.. he wants to be with me.. but i dont know how to got about a divorce, or any of that.. I havnt worked in almost 2 yrs. I have started lookin for jobs.. but im scared.. i need some advice! Im misrable with my husband and dont think its fair to anyone for us to stay married because of our son! PLEASE help me!
2006-07-17 13:01:13 · 28 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Why did you get with your current spouse to begin with if you liked this other guy so much?
Don't be foolish. People can be decieved into thinking they are miserable just be having a positive light spun on the unknown. You have no idea what the future holds with this other guy, but you managed to find a man (your husband) who is willing to spend the rest of his life with you. Think carefully before you act on emotions alone.
2006-07-17 13:09:51 · answer #1 · answered by strangeduck82 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This is a big can of worms you are looking at.....
First, you say that this other guy loves you as much as he did a while ago.... My question is "Why didn't you and he marry back then?"
You must have had a reason..... Think about it......
Next, your man is over in Iraq. Maybe facing danger every day....You say you have not worked in two years... Sounds like he is at least attempting to take care of you....
The thing that got me the most was when you said you recently got back in contact with that old flame.... Your husband is away and you are looking around.... He came home for 2 weeks R&R and you didn't say anything to him about your feelings?
You married this guy for a reason. I think you should look deep in your heart before you jump. Look inside and ask yourself why it is you don't love him anymore. Does he beat you? Does he stay out all night drinking? Does he chase other women?
What is it that has made you change your mind?
Divorce is a hard thing to enter. You are not just talking about yourself, but about your child. A child that was from the both of you. Life is a long road. A good relationship is a lot of work. It never is a bed of roses for anyone. But remeber those words.... "For better or worse"..... You need to take your time. Think about it. Stay away from this other guy.... And after all of that if you still feel that you have a zero chance with you husband, think some more..... You can only make a choice like this once and once the cat is out of the bag, no matter how hard you try you can never get it back in...
And one last thing.... Please don't dump this guy while he is overseas. It's a hard road he is on. He needs every piece of his concentration and motivation to come home alive with all parts still attached. If you feel that you must end it, at least wait until he is safe at home and has a better support system around him to get him over the pain of the ending of his family...
2006-07-17 20:30:51 · answer #2 · answered by maxgrunt 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Youre right, staying in your relationship serves no purpose. This relationship sounds like it came from rebounding and definitely not the best answer for getting married. Im not really sure your first love is your answer either but first things first, unfortunately you will need to contact a atty to file for divorce, presuming this will be a mutual agreed upon divorce, the two of you can work out the details before court, its easier, cheaper and the courts love it. You will probably be granted custody of your baby with child support and perhaps spousal support. My advice to you would be get your feet on the ground, especially with the baby, then look for someone else or you may find yourself in exactly the same spot you are now in a couple of months. You can do although it wont be easy at first btu there are groups out there that will help you if you seek it. Good luck
2006-07-17 20:12:26 · answer #3 · answered by Arthur W 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all it's probably a bad idea to say this and have a picture of yourself to boot. Our troops do have internet ya know.
I'm not an advocate of divorce with the hope of remarriage unless it is for biblical reasons (adultery or death). One thing to note about this new relationship you formed with an old love is that the first 2 years of every relationship is chemical after that you make the choice to stay together or not.
It's typical, you're in a relationship that you're not happy in and suddenly you contact someone who made you happy in the past. I'd ask myself why you two didn't hook up in the first place if things were so great and you were in love? Why did you marry and have a child with someone else if you were in love with another? I feel for your husband. Did you ever love him? Sigh.....people always think the grass is greener on the other side. What they soon find out is that it's just as hard to mow. Whatever you do make sure it's for the right reasons and not some chemical reaction to an old flame.
2006-07-17 20:16:23 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Be honest with your husband he deserves that much. The man is over in Iraq fighting for his country and your going to drop this on him. Think how you would feel if you were in his shoes. You have a child with this man also and I know he`s away and the child is still young enough not to know what`s going on but he needs to know the truth from you and you need to be honest about what your doing. Be honest that way you have a clear mind about it and you can move on without feeling guilty. This is not an easy thing to do but if you love your baby and the guy you want to be with tell him straight forward that way the guy your going to be with also can see that your honest in your feelings also. This way there is no question of your love for him and your an honest person. You want that so your never questioned about your honesty and integrity. Good Luck!! And don`t listen to anyone from Florida that`s in the Legal System there!!! There answer to everything is talk to a lawyer!! Florida is nothing but a money pit because of laywers!!! There a joke here!!!
2006-07-17 20:18:42 · answer #5 · answered by bren_jim 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
OKAY,.......some of you are being hard on her........You have no ideal what it is to go thru different situations. I'm not saying that it's okay what is done but you have to go toward your real feelings. Some people stay married for certain reasons because they have to ....like insurance, ...security, and whatever. There is some issues just like that. She might had been doing what she did for a reason but didn't tell.
First off,.......yes her husband was over in Iraq, (so was mine at one time) but don't think someone is a saint just because they have fought for the this country.
Things happen.
All I can say is give it some thought and go see a counselor. Also, ask your husband his true feelings without any bull***,.....and tell him just to focus on just the two of ya'll and see what he says. It might be all about the child ya'll have together. You have to be happy!
2006-07-17 20:16:39 · answer #6 · answered by So_real 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well this is very trichy stick with me .well u sound as if u dont like your husband but u need to draw up a mesure ment and scale what u really want from this or andy relationship.and then choose .u said u did not work for some time and i gather it is your spouse that has been supportiong you for that period of time and it appears as if u where busy trying to tighten loose ends with your spouse while the man that you got married to was away working at a very dangerious job while u wher other wise.i think that your husband really needs you now since he is at a very crucial point at work and al so show some gratefulness to him and u said so much about this first love but did u ever live home with him or so to have solid proof because meeting somebody is anothing thing from living with him and if u do u might be supprised to see ra pid changes .but non th eless good luck on your desition and all the best.it is your choice so go in favour of the scale ond be good and happy,
2006-07-17 20:15:10 · answer #7 · answered by george 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No, it's not fair to stay with your husband...but you do need to divorce him before starting another relationship. If you're cheating on him, then that makes you the less-honorable party (and could hurt you in divorce proceedings). The only advice is to call a divorce lawyer. I have no idea how they handle payment if you don't have a job, but certainly they could answer that question. You didn't say anything bad about him so it sounds like a simple case of falling out of love. It's going to hurt him certainly, but maybe it can be done with respect. If he has been serving our country, I think he deserves it.
2006-07-17 20:11:59 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You have to be honest with him. You have to remember that while he is over there, you are his every reason to live and come home, you are supposed to be supporting him and not being out looking for another companion. This isn't going to set well with him at all. But you never know until you tell him and you will probably have a custody battle on your hands as well. You are the mother but...hey, jump that ship if you get to it. If you still care about him, wait till he comes back home. Don't divorce him through the mail, it just childish and cowardly.
It's not that hard to get back out in the work force. Try the unemployment office. Do you have any college? If not try going back instead of looking for a job.
If you plan on getting a divorce, if you are in school, you are trying to better yourself for you and your child. If you do get a job, it better be a darn good one that will support the both of you on your own.
Good Luck
2006-07-17 20:10:47 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Despite that fact that you are a pitiful wife, have no respect for your husband, your child and most of all ....yourself. You are lost in a sea of pity. Too bad. Yes you should break it off with your husband...let his child be separted from him and grow up under many men...yes many men. You have no respect for marriage. If you were respectful you would have left him without "getting another job first" ie. my first love stuff.... you will make him pay child support, be a stranger to his son...and lose all faith in marriage. But at least you wouldn't have left him for another man...which you are in fact doing. Yes leave him so maybe he can find a real woman who can show him what commitment is. You...you will always be unhappy...this boy you have "hooked up" with has no respect for marriage. If he did he would have never talked to you...developed another relationship with you...so you think he will respect and stay with you....you abandoned your husband for another man. You don't think he knows that deep in his mind? Do you really think he'll trust you? If he does then he;s a putz. You will enter this relationship and you will eventually become unhappy and you will leave him. The issue is not that your husband is unattractive...it's your inability to truely love anybody other than yourself.
Check ou the following website. It can answer your questions much better than I can. It talks about women just like you...and how to stay away from them.
http://www.condomsbrasandstraightjackets.com/
Good luck
2006-07-17 22:08:23 · answer #10 · answered by hoyhoydc 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋