sex drive stuff?

Question

after being with my boyfriend for about a year, i just lost my sex drive, or maybe i just didnt fancy him anymore. the whole time he let me know that he was bothered by it, and would ask me what was wrong, and was really upset. he would compliment me all the time, tell me how beautiful and sexy i was etc., but there was just nothing i could do about it, i just couldn't force myself. well things carried on like that for quite a while, and one night he stayed out and when he came home he confessed he'd had a one night stand. we managed to work through it, and stayed together. strangely shortly after that i seemed to want him in that way again, and things were ok for maybe 6 months, but since then now it's him that has lost his sex drive. i know some of you will say 'oh he's cheating' but really, i know he's not. he works all day with friends of mine and comes straight home afterwards so i guarantee i would know. it's not that so what do you think it is? now i want it and he doesn't!

we're both now 'more in love' than we've been for ages, and our relationship other that sex is great, i just don't understand!!

Answer 1

I encourage you to investigate all the non-sex issues that may improve your relationship. As you figure out all of those issues, here are 2 suggestions to consider on the physical communication front.

Suggestion 1: Consider alternating days. Suggest trying for one week to alternate who leads or defines that day's physical interaction: timing, frequency, activity etc.

This will likely do some good and pleasantly surprising things:

- Both people feel like they are getting more of what they want on their days.

- Both people get a "day off" where they don't have to decide what to do.

- Everyday doesn't feel like a compromise, meeting "halfway" but never really getting what either wants.

- Both people are allowed to communicate, taking turns listening and expressing. They know they can both speak and be heard, and that enboldens both men and women.

- You discover your partner is happier because they get what they want and they get to take charge a fair amount of the time. And you might be surprised that their libido increases as a result of them having a fair amount of control over the level & direction of things. With clear license & encouragement to be expressive, their enjoyment of the physical activity may increase.

Suggestion 2: Take massage courses to incorporate a variety of therapeutic massages into your physical interaction. This will be more pleasing in more than purely sexual ways, adding more incentive to spend intimate time together physically. Good luck

Answer 2

You two need to sit down and have a serious conversation about this. It will happen, trust me. I've been married for nearly two years and have run up against that. The only way you can get through it without resenting each other or cheating on each other is talk about. The alternative is to split, but you may find yourself in another relationship just like the one you're in.

Answer 3

Thes things sort of seem to come and go in stages in my experience. I know that I can feel horny 24hrs a day for months on end and then go through a patch where I just don't think about sex for a while.
I wouldn't worry too much about this, I know that its unfortunate that your not in the same cycle at the moment, but it will come right again.
Try and be strong and when everything comes back to normal, you can look back on this and laugh - trust me it will make your relationship stronger.
Good luck for the future.

Answer 4

He's too easy for you. He has become a wussy and catering to all you needs, which is probably not sexy to you. When he cheated, he was a bad boy, a challenge to keep, now he is a wussy again. It kind of sounds like you have the bad boy syndrome or you prefer someone who is a little rougher around the edges.

He probably is a loyal guy who got frustrated and reacted badly before, but forgot what got you excited in the first place, someone who is a challenge and keeps you on your toes.

Answer 5

He has a mental block maybe saying to himself he likes this new you and doesn't want it to go back the way it was. Or he cheating I would rather go with the first comment. Talk to him and most of all spice it up take the D@#@, it sounds to me the both of you are very plain when it comes to sex. Spontaneity is the key. Have sex, make love, and sometime F!@#@

Answer 6

There are more interesting things in life ! Like Money and spending it at the mall or Football. Sex drive stuff isn't as interesting as hockey ! Hockey is Awesome ! I just can't believe the Edmonton Oilers Lost ! That was Just disappointing !

Answer 7

you've lost the spark. Both of you have obviously felt that something's missing in the relationship and it's affecting you both psychologically, turning you both off. You should try communicating more effectively and work out any issues you might have. Then try spicing things up. If that doesn't work, then it might be time to move on.

Answer 8

Since the Libido of men is controlled mainly through testosterone I would suggest you give him zinc vitamins or food high in zinc. If that doesn't increase his libido then it's more then likely mental. Stress and or disaffection are the number one source. Weight gain is also a cause of low libido a weight gain of 10-20 pounds reduces libido.

Answer 9

Its hard to say why his sex drive is low. Is he having a lot of new pressures and stresses at work? We all think that men are always ready for sex, but life get to them sometimes and they loose intrest. . He may be depressed to. Why don't you ask him whats wrong?

Answer 10

are you on the pill? a lot of women lose their sex drive when they're on the pill, so that's one thing to consider. but, it might just be that you're in the part of a relationship where wanting him sexually will come and go. if he refuses altogether, consider whether you want to stay with him or not, and what you're willing to put up with.