why???? does she stay?

Question

my brother has a daughter that lives with a lad who treats her really bad we cant get it through to her its like shes been brainwashed we realise we are going to have to back off or shel rebel but we really want to take the lad in our boot to the seaside know what i mean

Answer 1

I have been in the same situation.I lived with someone who practically locked me in the house for 4 years.He threw me downstairs when I was 6 months pregnant,beat me regularly.threatened to put acid on my face,etc,etc.You didnt say if she has a child by that monster.usually the men apologise after hitting,and say Im sorry I will never do it again.I love you I will change.Its all nonsense,a leopard never changes its spots.I left about 30 times,I kept going back,believing all his lies.until one day my mum asked me what type of coffin I wanted.Then something 'clicked' in my brain.I knew it was time to go.This happens with all women.One day it registers enough is enough.You could tell her until you are blue in the face,she wont go until she reaches that point.It doesnt matter what you say to her.She seriously needs to leave him,get an injunction and restraining order.even go into a womens refuge.They would give her a house and money to furnish it.some women cant leave material possessions behind.safety and security is far more important.I left my country,Scotland,now Im in England.Best thing I ever did leaving him.That was 10 years ago.I left without a coat.

Answer 2

She probably stays cause it is what she is familiar with in her life. How did her parents get along when she was younger i mean that has a big influence on the kind of men that women date. It could be that she is just dating him because she knows that her dad dont like him and that she is trying to rebel. But the main reason that a woman stays in a bad relationship and trust me i know this from experience is because she does not know what the man will do if she tries to leave or that it has just become so comfortable and familiar that her self esteem is so low and that she feels that she cannot find anything better.

Answer 3

Well, you don't say how old this daughter might be. But if she's over 18 she can do what she likes and you can't protect her any longer. She must have very low self esteem to stay with a man who treats her badly. Where is the girl's mother?Does she approve of this? If you can't get the mother to talk to her about how much better she could do, then her father has to do this. If he's already told her, then, yes, back off and be there to pick her up when she needs you.

Answer 4

As hard as it is sometimes, you and your brother need to take a back seat for a while with $hit like this-if you both go in, feet first then she will probably end up hating u both!

Dont go on at her, just let her know that u r all there 4 her if she needs you!!

You need to put yourself in her shoes for a while!! She might still love the guy, she could just be hoping that everything will sort itself out and get back to how it used to be between them, theres all the crap about the place their living in, and she probably doesnt want to hurt him (especially the way you want to!!)
She might just do what lots of us do and get up one day and decide that its a waste of time, then move back home driving everyone loopy!!

Answer 5

Could be she thinks this is how a relationship is supposed to be. Could be she has NO self confidence and the fact that she "has" someone makes her feel good about herself.
Or, some women just flat "enjoy" being treated like crap.
Some women know they should leave but don't know how and fear being alone. Getting out of a bad relationship can be hard though.
Hope any of my ideas help you!

Answer 6

The only thing I can think of is to let her know that if she ever decides she can't take it anymore, you are there for her to provide a place to stay and let her know where the shelters for abused women are and how to contact them if that becomes necessary. Then back off. Knowing her options may help her to make the decision to end it sooner. I know that this is scant help or comfort for you, but it's the best I can do.

Answer 7

She will NEVER change. Got a sis like that, no matter what you do or say, she will always go back to him, or one just like him... I did take one to the forest in the boot and bought a special can of '4 Star' for him... gave it all to him then offered him a cigarette. Whilst he was never seen again in these parts, he was simply replaced by another equally offensive oaf. I give up!

Answer 8

There's an emotional thing that happens to women who are in abusive relationships (either emotionally or physically). They kinda shut down, afraid to argue, take the blame, and see how he's not at fault or that he's right. It's frightening. You don't have to embrace the guy, remain cool, and work on her to try to drop subtle comments, and try to get her to reach toward you (or somebody else in the family). Good Luck

Answer 9

Yeah, know what you mean. But it really depends on how old she is. If she is of legal age, there's really nothing you can do about it.
If she is a minor, there's plenty you can do.
But don't do anything that will get yourself ( or your brother ) in trouble legally. Know what I mean ?

Answer 10

we all only learn from our mistakes and this is one that she has to make to be able to better judge her men int he future it will be fustrating for the time being but it wont last it is something she needs to do and go through