i've been with my girlfriend and the mother of my child for six years, she just recently told me that she loves me but not in love. she also says shes trying to fall back for me but not making any promises, how long do i hold on or wait on someone that doesnt have the same feelings as me? please help!
2006-07-17 10:10:03 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Don't wait around for the relationship to fix itself. See a marriage counselor and get to work.
2006-07-17 10:13:39 · answer #1 · answered by Otis F 7 · 2⤊ 1⤋
As long as you need to. You are the only one who knows how much you have given and how much longer you can take it. There is a point where you cannot give anymore.....when you love someone and they do not love you back, or maybe do but not in the same way or they do not communicate it to you it hurts! You always feel like you are the one giving the affection, the words....etc. She will either come around or she won't. If something has happened to your relationship that is emotional it may have hurt her, or scarred her. Women are driven by emotions, it is how we think, feel and operate. If we love we LOVE with 100% full throttle, but if someone has hurt us or maybe somehow caused us to feel different it takes us awhile to get back that 100%. I am not sure of your situation but since their is a child involved it is harder to leave if you want to because it is always best for the child to be with the parent. BUT, in no way is it healthy for the child if their is argueing or an unhealthy relationship causing confusion in the child. If you are young, you have so much time to work this out...Good Luck....been there as have I am sure alot of people here~!
2006-07-17 10:22:15 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
The answer to your question...you don't hang on!
I don't know your situation with this woman other than the fact that you have a child and six years with her.
However, its not fair for you to have to wait around for her to fall back in love with you or not. As far as your child goes, that's a bond that will link you two for the rest of your lives. You do everything for that child that a father is supposed to do and then some. But as for her (your girlfriend) leave it alone.
Like I've said so many times before....Never make someone your priority if they're only making you an option.
Brandon
2006-07-17 10:17:31 · answer #3 · answered by son_of_david2001 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm a woman, but am going thru the same kind of thing. 2 daughters, 20 yrs of marriage. My husband wants to stay for the kids which is giving me a chance to win his love back. All I can tell you is pray about it. I'm not a religious person, but I do have tremendous faith and prayer has helped me greatly. You can't control someones actions, but you can control your own. If there is an extra-marital affair, like in my case, it can be especially difficult. If she truly loves you, keep trying. My problem was that I turned into a frigid ***** and basically drove him away. Big mistake on my part. Things will work out the way they are supposed to. Six years is a long enough time to be devoted to one another. For me, it's been just 4 short weeks of rehabilitating our marriage. Just pray for patience and pray that she is praying for guidance. Hang in there.
2006-07-17 12:31:10 · answer #4 · answered by Juls 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First thing is get full custody of your child and then dump her and make sure she have to pay to help child support becasue. Wow, it easy for her to say it and harder for you to figure what will you do next. and I will not waste my time with her and feel no in love then she must be seeing someone or using you.
Do what you need to do first and then second do what best for you and your child and if yoiu want the mother to be involve child life do it and make you look good... and if you don't you will be end up paying more on child support. how can she have your baby??? I though that having baby that you want to share and be with person all your life... That what my wife did gave me 2 beautiful kids and still together for 9 years and still counting... not fair you have to wait for her or what you need to do.
I don't mean to be rude make sure that child is really yours... if not then you know why she not in love with you.. if child is yours then good hand and knows that it yours. and I rather find out now to make sure it my... I will be heart broken if not my child and I will make sure that my GF pay the price all the money I paid...
2006-07-17 10:21:11 · answer #5 · answered by greenbaypackers1920 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Iam soooo sorry for you! You deserve sooo much better than this crap! i know u want to stick this out for love as well as your child BUT you just cannot make someone fall in love with you! Its not fair that you live without all the magic of what real love offers you! Living in a loveless relationship is very lonely- very heart breaking. I say stop holding on now. If she needs to play games and find herself- she needs to do it without hurting you in the process! Find a woman who will love u for who u r and drop this drama queen!
2006-07-17 10:15:42 · answer #6 · answered by cstinkerbell6969 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think you can put a time on this. If you love her, then stay. If you're only with her because of a child, you need to set up rights and responsibilities for your child and someone should leave. Cut your loses before you get hurt anyworse.
2006-07-17 10:23:09 · answer #7 · answered by LittleLady 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think if she really wants to work on things in your relationship then she'll agree to do ANYTHING to make it work.. including getting a third party (counselor) to work with you to decide if you want to be together or not. If she's not willing to work with you than it's time for you to move on. I'm grateful that my parents made the decision when they got married that they wouldn't stay together for the "sake of the children". We ALL would have been miserable if they had. I understand that if you and your gf aren't together then it becomes a financial issue of child support or joint custody. How does she feel about that? Have you asked her? I would ask her.. "well if we do break up will we have to involve the court system to figure out what will happen with our child or will be able to work out a system of joint custody ourselves?" Since you aren't married it doesn't have to involve the court system unless one of you decides not to work together. Lots of factors in your question. I guess I would want to think about the pros and cons of both staying together and breaking up and be willing to accept any consequences of whatever decision you make. If you aren't happy... move on.. Take care of yourself and your child before you cater to her.
2006-07-17 10:18:36 · answer #8 · answered by Ms_E_Bunny 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why not make her fall in love with you again ? Do what you did when you first met her. Dont just sit around and wait, help it along.
2006-07-17 10:14:59 · answer #9 · answered by JustMe 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds to me like she is trying to manipulate you into staying until something or someone else comes along. Time to leave that scene.
2006-07-17 10:14:09 · answer #10 · answered by Red 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋