tell me the best joke you ever heard i need a laugh adn the funniest gets 10 points in 24 hours?

Question

i really need a laugh, the one that makes me laughthe hardest wins

Answer 1

Lesson to be learned from typing the wrong email address:

A Minneapolis couple decided to go to Florida to thaw out during a particularly icy winter. They planned to stay at the same hotel where they spent their honeymoon 20 years earlier. Because of hectic schedules, it was difficult to coordinate their travel plans. So, the husband left Minnesota and flew to Florida on Thursday, with his wife flying down the following day. The husband checked into the hotel. There was a computer in his room, so he decided to send an email to his wife. However, he accidentally left out one letter in her email address, and without realizing his error, sent the email.

Meanwhile, somewhere in Houston, a widow had just returned home from her husband's funeral. He was a minister who was called home to glory following a heart attack. The widow decided to check her email expecting messages from relatives and friends. After reading the first message, she screamed and fainted. The widow's son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, and saw the computer screen which read:

To: My loving wife

Subject: I've arrived Date: April 6, 2006

I know you're surprised to hear from me. They have computers here now and you are allowed to send emails to your loved ones. I've just arrived and have been checked in. I see that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow. Looking forward to seeing you then. Hope your journey is as uneventful as mine was.

P.S. sure is freaking hot down here!!!!!

Answer 2

I have 2:

1) A woman and a man are married. One day, the garbage disposal is broken.
-"Honey, can you fix the garbage disposal?"
-"No, what do I look like? Tom the plumber?"
Then the door is off its hinges...
-"Honey, will you fix the door?"
-"No what do I look like? Tom the repairman?"
Finally, the grass needs to be cut...
-"Honey, will you mow the lawn?"
-"No, what do i look like? Tom the yardboy?"
Well, the man went golfing and when he came back, the grass was cut, the door was fixed and the garbage disposal was running.
-"Who fixed all this?"
-"Oh, the next-door neighbor, John. He's really nice."
-"Did you pay him?"
-"Well, he said I could make him bronies or have $ex with him.."
-"YOU MADE HIM BROWNIES!!"
-"No! What do i look like? Betty Crocker?"

2) A blone,a brunette and a red-head are climbing the stairway to heaven, on which there are 1000 stairs and God is progressively telling them jokes as they go up-if they laugh, they'll fall to Hell.
At 587, the brunnete laughs and falls to Hell.
At 623, the redhead laughs and falls to Hell.
At 999, the blonde starts laughing histerically.
God asks: Why are you laughing? I didn't say anything.
The blonde replies: I just got the first one!

Answer 3

A man sits down at a restaurant and looks at the menu. He tells the waiter "I think I will have the turtle soup". The waiter leaves, but the man changes his mind to pea soup. He yells to the waiter "Hold the turtle, make it pea".

here is another one:

Why dwarfs laugh while they play the soccer?

- Because the grass tickles their balls!


ok, i got some yo mamma jokes too:

- yo mamma is so fat, when she walks backward, she beeps
-yo mamma is so strong, she drinks peanut butter
-yo mamma is so fat, when she gets on the scale it reads "one at the time please"

this one is funny too

A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede their position. As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs, the wife asked sarcastically, "Relatives of yours?"
"Yep," the husband replied, "in-laws."


i hope i made u laugh

Answer 4

Everyday while this woman gets her coffee from the staff room, a co-worker comes in, takes a whiff of her hair and tells her how beautiful it smells. After about a week, she decides to file a sexual harassment complaint against the guy. Her boss doesn't see the big deal in the compliment. What he doesn't realize is it was Keith, the midget!!!

Answer 5

Well this might be a little raciest....

One day there was a white man going to a city full of black men. He saw a lot in the morning. When he went shopping at night, he was scared because there wasnt anybody. But right after he bumped into somebody, he realized that he wasnt alone.....

Answer 6

How come witches don't wear underwear?

to get a better grip on the broom

Answer 7

When I was in 6th grade, I loved this one:

Algy met a bear
The bear was bulgy
The bulge was Algy

Answer 8

how do you spot a blind man at a nude beach........................................its not hard.