I don't know what to do, any advice is appreciated. I know it is not like the real thing, but he showed his d** on web cam, he called this girl sweetheart, darling, lovely, and so forth.
He told her over and over that he loved her. He made many sexual comments, asked her to flash him, said he wanted to see her when she changed her clothes, made plans to go to a hotel with her, told her she has the most beautiful eyes he has ever seen, said he dreams about her and wishes the dreams would come true. He told her not to worry about me cause our marriage is over anyway, and the list goes on.
She and him got in a fight anf
are not talking anymore, so she sent me all the yahoo archives that she had. So I have the proof.
He lies to me and says that she changed it all to make him look bad, but I know it was him because I know how he talks, mispells words and so on. He says well she set it up cause she knows how I talk.
I want to leave but have no where to go, no money, no car and 4 kids.
2006-07-17 09:23:11 · 13 answers · asked by countrygrl278 6 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I think maybe I should stay and do him like he has done me, he has cheated on me for years and is attempting to again. Cheat on him like he did me, but really I just want to get out and on my own, but I'm lost and confused and don't know what I should do
2006-07-17 09:24:32 · update #1
he has been making plans to leave me for her, meet her at a hotel, go to a concert alone with her, go to her house and drink with her all night and so on, it's more than just an online romance in my opinion. I don't do that to him, guys write and flirt with me all the time and I just ignore them
2006-07-17 09:37:38 · update #2
he cheated on me for many years almost our whole marriage and I forgive him so I am past forgiving him
2006-07-17 09:49:01 · update #3
Life is better without him and I have been there. You need to get out of the relationship and move on. I had three kids when I left a marriage of 13 years. It was the best thing i could of done they are not going to change and trust me the kids know more then you think I found this out the hard way. It is better for your children also then to grow up in the dysfunction. I found a way by applying for low income housing, getting a job close, daycare assistance and daycare for the kids, therapy and support group for single mothers. I am now stronger then I have ever been and look back and think how could I have stayed so long. Its a hard thing to do and it won't be easy. One step at a time and in the end down the road you will be the winner. I wish you the best. I do not know where you are located or I could send you links for resources in your area. My heart is with you.
2006-07-17 09:39:51 · answer #1 · answered by twinsmakesfive 4 · 23⤊ 1⤋
It doesn't matter if it's online or not, this kind of behavior is a clue to other things that he might be engaged in. He may be being unfaithful to you in real life. Obviously if he had made plans to go to a hotel with her, he was planning on cheating on you in real life.
The best advice I have for you is to get out of this situation, but I can also fully understand your fear of having no place to go. Might I suggest going to a family center or the YWCA near you and finding a counselor to talk to? They might have better suggestions about what to do for you, and it shouldn't cost a thing to talk to these people.
If you don't have any money or a car that is your own, it sounds a bit like perhaps he is a rather controlling person. I must confess I fear for you in your situation. I wish I had the perfect answer for you. I want to urge you to leave him right away, but there are the kids you must think about. Are you a stay-at-home mom or do you work? Are there friends or family that you could ask advice or help from?
Even if she did fabricate some of the archives, it still is evidence that he has been talking to this woman online. You need to at least talk to him more thoroughly about this and if he is unwilling to work things out, get counseling, or give you a clean break from him then you need to get away from him and fast.
Ultimately, the person that you need to be concerned about first off is yourself and your happiness, and then secondly, your children.
2006-07-17 16:49:22 · answer #2 · answered by bibliophile_1976 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You poor girl, I feel for you. But dont go into the path of self-destruction just because you are hurting. Your husband sounds like a jerk! The other woman is worse, to try to send you all those archives to make you feel horrible. Hey honey, it's not your fault. There is nothing wrong with you--seems your husband has got some problems. I would give him an ultimatum, tell him to fess up and stop being a coward, find yourself a job, and once you have enough saved--leave him and file for child support.
PS check local support groups and your state programs for single parents.
2006-07-17 16:37:46 · answer #3 · answered by the_memory_of_ashes 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
listen, he is so wrong for doing you that way and if you want to stay with him just to get back at him you are only gonna hurt yourself and those babies he is not worth losing your self respect be true to yourself and him even though he couldnt do it its ok to give him another chance but the first thing u need to do make him promise not to do it again and tell him if he does then you will leave him and take the most precious thing that means to him the babies just incase u have doubts ill give u a little secret download net nannie and you can see everytime he talks good luck and be well
2006-07-17 16:37:37 · answer #4 · answered by cmyl77 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First off, let me say that I probably feel differently than most people who will read this question. I am a married Christian with four children as well. When I took my vows, I said till death do us part. That has to be true.
Secondly, if he is "cheating" online, it is keeping him at home and not out actually cheating where he can bring home diseases or be seen in a compromising position out and someone could see them and embarrass your children.
I am not condoning online chatting and "loving." You probably should go to counseling with husband.
2006-07-17 16:32:14 · answer #5 · answered by texasgirl5454312 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No way it's a stupid vicious cycle.........you got leave him. This is not healthy at all and even though you say you're ganna do him like he did to you but the reality you will only be doing it to yourself. Why should you act stupid just as him??? Get your shyt together girlfriend and get out there. Find yourself a job and start new beginning for you and the kids.
2006-07-17 16:46:50 · answer #6 · answered by Irene A 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Time to move on. While you may not hurt him initially as much as he has hurt you, by closing yourself off to him and divorcing him he will realize over time how much of an A$$ he is and that he made wrong choices. Don't do wrong to get back at him though as then you bring another person into play and it is not fair to him.
Sorry to read about all of this.
2006-07-17 16:32:53 · answer #7 · answered by ZIAGACITY 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Revenge is never sweet....NEVER. Be the big girl, here....do you love him? And 4 kinds? Get down to business and have a private conversation with your husband...anonymous internet interactions can be addicting....you don't need a webcam...get rid of it....How did she send you the archivals? Does the woman have your address, too?
2006-07-17 16:30:10 · answer #8 · answered by rrrevils 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Go ahead and stay, because two rights always make a wrong. What good is it going to do to cheat on him? I really don't think he would care anyway. Kick his butt out. Who is to say you have to leave?
Or, stay and let him walk all over you.
2006-07-17 16:36:06 · answer #9 · answered by Simply Lovely 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First, I agree with you that cheating is cheating even if it's online. He has exchanged intimacies with her that should be reserved for you. That's cheating. (BTW, I really like Dr. Phil's definition: "If you wouldn't do it with your spouse standing right there, it's cheating".)
Second, you can't fix your marriage by adding more stress, more hurting, and more anger to it. And, you can't fix your marriage by turning away from it.
Lastly, there's only one way to get over it. He has to acknowledge it, take resposibility for it, and ask for forgiveness. You have to forgive him. It isn't fair, but that's how it is.
Good Luck to you!!
2006-07-17 16:40:28 · answer #10 · answered by Otis F 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋