I need advise on how to leave an abusive relationship?

Question

I am in a bind, I have been in a relationship with a man for almost three years now and for the past two he has been abusive towards me on several occasions. He has no remorse for the pain he inflicts and he gets "aroused" when he does. I am 3 months pregnant due to lan "episode" and I really want to leave him, however I am scared. He punched me really hard on the right side of my temple just on saturday and my side is swollen. He always tells me that he is the dominant male and that I WILL listen to him and do what he says. He tells me that in order for me to avoid getting hit that I shouldnt press his buttons to set him off. He is not a fair towards me, he goes out all night without calling me, so I decided to go out as well and I got punched and hit. He says that I have no business leaving the house. I am only 26 years old, he is 30 and a heavy drinker. I thought he would change and in the beginning he was so sweet. I need help, real help, real serious advise to get me out of this.

this is for everyone who thinks that I deserve what get....I don't. This is not something that floats my boat, this is a real situation with potential harm. I live with this man, I have all my furnishings and my belongings in his house. I have over $20,000.00 in personal belongings there, that I will not leave with him because I worked extremely hard for everything I own. I am not mentally sick or unstable. If you all must know the truth I am a well educated nurse practioner who is really scared. I cannot turn to the hospital I work at fo rthe fear of being judged and persecuted. I asked for advise and for the most part everyone here has opened my eyes. It is hard to get out of a situation like mine, and this could happen to anyone. Male or female, so before people decide to point the finger, think about what if this happened to you or a friend or a family member. It is much more easier said than done.
God bless

Answer 1

I've been where you are now, and me and my kids barely made it out alive some 18 years ago. You will have to prepare yourself for a sudden take off, when he's away from home, for work or whatever..... I mean this, for the situation will never get any better. In the three years you know him, you have not been able to stop him doing what he does to you. You say he's 30 years old, wich means to me he's not going to change for at least another 5 years, when another cycle of 7 years begins. I can tell you are afraid of him, and I think he's already isolated you from your friends and family because you do not mention any them in your outcry for help. Do they know???? Tell your family, they should be there for you .... (my family left my to fend for myself, and gave me the phone number of a women ./ children shelter).
I would personaly help you flee, but I do not know where you are, and I'm in Arnhem Holland I'm too far away to actually be of any real help to you. I do know for a fact, since he's a heavy drinker, that he's become severed from his Good side, and cannot change untill he's sober and stays sober considerably. The excuses he gives you are lame, and only designed to make you feel guilty for his behaviour.`He's a beast and not a man. Do not waste any time. It is better to lose al your worldly possesions, than not come out of this alive...... I invite you to my messenger ID [e-mail] to discuss what needs to be done. Silence!!!!, is so important !!!!! He may get no wind of your plan, your relationsship can only spiral downward, with every incident growing more severe. Times between events will get shorter and shorter untill it becomes once a day every day and so on........
Everybody reading this answer, my words carrie my lifes experience. Unless you are the person who aks for help and I iinvited, please do not make me regret this, because an unborn childs life also depends on it

Answer 2

I'm with rednkwoman on this one. If you don't want to be in the relationship it's real simple - leave. No ifs ands or buts - just leave. There are plenty of places that will help you.

I have a real low tolerance for women who let a man beat them. They think there is something wrong with the man, and there is, but there is something equally wrong with them. It's like two alcoholics getting together or two drug addicts. You fit together like a lock and key.

If you don't want your child to think that men and women show their love by physically abusing each other then now is the time to get some help for your psychological problem. Don't make excuses just do it and do it now.

Otherwise, I feel sorry for the baby, but I will never feel sorry for you.

Get going and good luck.

Answer 3

Have a plan of action. You need to be very careful in these circumstances and would never want your baby born into this. If he will hurt you now he will hurt the child later. For your safety contact the local officials and explain your situation. Tell them you are not looking to press charges at the moment you just want to leave safely and quietly. They should help you by supplying the number of someone who can help. Always dial a friend or person he knows you talk to after you hang up. You dont want him to hit redial and get that number. Look for support groups on the internet and seek the help of friends you KNOW will help you and not tip off your abusive partner. Whrn you do an internet search clear your history!!!! History is usually in your tool bar and has an icon that looks like a clock or calendar. You dont want him to find out you are trying to leave.You cant just up and leave in the middle of the night. You need a plan. You need to get far away. Going over to your Mom's house will not cut it. Start having your friends help by packing away little things here and there, one by one, and storing them in a safe place. Save money here and there and put it in an account. Walmart usually has 24 hour banking so nextime you go grocery shopping open a new account and opt NOT to have statement sent to you, tell people your situation, There are even groups out there that supply money to help women like yourself. Once you have saved enough money, have enough clothes and neccessities and try to leave while he is gone. Arrange to have a friend pick you up and take you to a safe place where someone else can pick you up from there. Many of the support groups out there will help you facilitate a plan to leave. GET OUT while you can. Make sure you have enough things you will need for him not to find you. If he doesnt leave the next time he hits you call 911 immediately and press charges. He will be arrested and since you are pregnant the penalties are harsher, LEAVE then. Notify the police shortly after of your whereabouts so you can be notified of a courtdate. Men like this DO NOT CHANGE. He degrades and abuses you as a form of sexual arrousal. He is turned on by oppressing people and feeling like he has power to do this. If it gets bad enough and he is going after you, get a gun and some lessons and shoot the son of a *****. Its self defense if you are truly defending yourself when he attacks you and your unborn baby. The point is seek help from a support group and people you TRUST. I wish you all the best and am happy to see that you want to get out. Change your alias on yahoo so he cant identify your question. He will likely try to control every aspect of your life.

Answer 4

first know that you are not alone...in that alot of women are being abvused, have been abused and have gotten out. I'm one of those women. You need to call a domestic violence hotline in your area. do this when he's out for the night. Pack a few essencial items (clothes, meds, ect), and GET THE HELL OUT OF THERE. Someone from a shelter will come to get you if you don't have wheels. The shelter will house you, make sure that you get prenatal care, get you a restraining order, ect. Under the R.O, you can even get him to move out of the house.
I've just got to say this...if you don't get out, it WILL only get worse. He WILLNOT change. You have a child growing inside of you that you are responsible for. What if the next time he hits you it's a punch to your belly and you lose your child. Think about it. If you want to talk, email or IM me at [e-mail]
GET OUT OF THERE!

Answer 5

First of all whose place are you in. Is it yours or his? Either way get a restraining order against him and press charges. Regardless whose place it is, leave! Go to a friends house or the local shelter. Its not just you anymore its about your unborn child. Get his *** thrown in jail so there he can meet some real dominant men. While doing this get custody of the child, if he hits you ewhuile you're pregnant what is to stop him from hitting your baby. Good luck and god bless

Answer 6

Hello Beautiful,

Listen carefully, ...you're beautiful...that's no. 1!

This guy suffers from :

1) mental illness;
alcohol & substance use is mental illness, & some are sicker than others;

2) these men are sexual (only) in the beginning, they tell themselves while engaging in the act, "hey, i can do it - i'm a man - but they themselves know all to well-this does not define manhood;

*they have no real male friends, because real men can SPOT these guys a mile away - many of them are in fact struggeling with their own sexuality as well, hence why they (toss-women) around;

3) when in any relationship of this type, these men STOP having sex with you because, since they themselves are acquainted with the very fact, that they are not MEN, they innately deny YOU what you need to validate yourself as a WOMAN, (sexual intimacy, compliments, endearment, pillow talk, sensuality, communication, love etc. etc.)

4) get-out NOW, this is a HOSTAGE situation, it always is with these people & this fact is spoken aloud @ AA meetings;

5) regarding the pregnancy, you're in it by yourself, its going to be a nightmare for you & the "child";

6) don't try to HELP him, these people are very very smart and know how to navigate through life without any HELP from you, anything from you is considered ENABLing!!!;

7) get-out NOW, immediately, don't look back;


8) YOU & YOUR baby are in danger & in a life threatening situation, & apparently, you are unable to recognize this fact, maybe you should not be considering,..."motherhood" at all at present.

This has nothing to do with forgiveness or apologies from you or him, etc. etc.

GET OUT NOW...TODAY - TONITE!!! do it NOW!!

RIGHT NOW, don't wait another minute, the hell with him, clothes, furn, etc, etc.

Seek safe refuge immediately, call the Dept. of Social Services *411, call police document his abuse immediately, then later seek an order for protection (OFP) from Family Court.

God Bless You beautiful.

Love, prayers & blessings.

K-9 Unit

Answer 7

You need to get hell out of there...immediately.

Hitting a pregnant woman is a felony in most states because of the risk of death to the fetus.

You can call Social Services and tell them what is going on. Then ask them what your options are. Also ask them about women's shelters that you may be able to go to for protection. You can also go to the police, file a complaint, and have this man arrested and press charges.

If he is doing this to you now, what do you think the end result will be if you manage to survive this pregnancy livjng with him? One day the baby may cry too loud and he may just grab the baby instead of you. Love yourself and your baby enough to get the hell out of that relationship...NOW.

Dont' worry about what you may leaving behind in regards to household possessions...your life and your child's life are worth far more that any material items.

Personally, I would go to the police, file charges, have him arrested and thrown in jail. And then while he is in jail, make plans to get yourself out of there.

Good Luck~*

Answer 8

XXXXXXXX Go to your nearest Social Services as soon as possible. If you don't get out of this situation you will regret it for the rest of your life. YOUR BABY IS IN JEOPARDY ALSO. Leave now, stay with a FRIEND or family member, go to a shelter, call the Red Cross. If you feel you have no where to go, call the police next time he hit you and file charges. They will take him out of the home, it is the law. Don't procrastinate on this. You are responsible for two lives now, yours and your unborn baby. Do the right thing. GET THE F OUT!!!!!
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Answer 9

If you are intelligent enough to write such a long answer then you must have common sense to know that if you really want to leave a guy you can do it and no one can stop you . But if u r one of those women who just enjoy there misery and want to stay with the men that abuse them or cheat on them , then i guess there is no one who can help u .

Few advices thou , You can call police on him with multiple cases of domestic violances . This gives u enough room and moral support for social group to move out and start ur life again .

Answer 10

Tough one. Ive read some of your other posts and it seems like you are enjoying this.

Why do you care when he goes out all night and doesn't call you?????

Especially if he is such a meanie abusive devil.

Why did you get involved with him if he was an azzhole and try to "change" him?

Do you enjoy the attention?

I think you are two of the same kind, except he is physically stronger.

I think you enjoy the attention, I have a female friend who is the same way, when her ex tries to leave she blocks the door and screams at him. He grabs her arm and tosses her, she screams bloody murder and show off her bruised wrist.

If you REALLY wanted to leave you would be out the door quickfast.

Seek psychological help............... and not on Yahoo.