My son is mentally retarded and shows signs of autism, see more details?

Question

This is hard to explain, but how do I deal with this,
My son is only 6 years old, and is totally obsessive over everything, when he starts throwing a tantrum or starts crying, it lasts for a good hour or so, so he gets in trouble alot.
We've tryed a star chart, he doesn't really care about that...
When I put him in his room he trashes it, throws everything everywhere, kicks his wall, and it lasts for about an hour if not longer... If he acts good, listens, no time-outs, good at baby sitters, and listens to me, and is happy, if he does any of those, for each one he does I put up a star and for every 3 stars he gets $1 to spend at any place he wants, sounds good right? Well this weekend we went camping... he was a living hell, he was being obsessive over everything crying, kicking, screaming, so I had to put him in the car so we wouldnt get kicked out, and he did his fit in the car... I tryed to re-direct him, that didn't work... HOW do I deal with this? and yes im very educated in it

lol, I don't know her number!

Answer 1

It does sound like you have done an excellent job of educating yourself about effective and positive parenting methods for kids of any intelligence (including MR) without autism and/or obsessive-compulsive disorder! It is wonderful to see how patiently you have been trying to implement standard discipline.

However....

Whether Autism or OCD, re-directing him as you would a child (including MR) without these disorders isn't going to work.

You need to educate yourself quickly about being an autism family. His primary issue for practical living issues will not be the MR... it will be the Autism. You will have to change quite a bit in order to make life bearable. This is really only something you can do with team support -- doctors, therapists, special education/autism teachers, school administrators, parent support groups, parent special ed law advocacy groups (trained volunteers who are parents who already have been through 'the system' with their own kids). This is beyond any scope of even the best parent to be able to handle the situation by themselves. It is overwhelming.

Your son's school should have him in an ABA program (or TEACCH with adequate life skills and academic content), and you should be maintaining the program at home. If this is not the case, try to get the autism diagnosis formally from a pediatric neuropsychologist or similar specialist (get a referral from your pediatrician), and then get a new IEP based on Autism programming.

Autistics require extremely rigid routine (down to the second, and exact movements), in order to be comfortable.

Your child may also need Sensory Integration therapy:
Introduction -- http://www.autism.org/si.html
Complete resources -- http://www.sensoryint.com/

Here are some important links of interest to help you get started with dealing with MR and autism mixed issues:

ABA programs (THE best kind to have, as shown by successes, happy parents, greatly improved kids):

http://www.behavior.org/autism/index.cfm?page=http%3A//www.behavior.org/autism/ccbs_autism.cfm

http://rsaffran.tripod.com/aba.html#principles

http://www.turningpoint1.org/intro.html

Educate yourself about special education. Here is THE website to help you with that. Start with links of interest, focusing on the advocacy pages (from the left sidebar), autism, MR, and appropriate IEPs (look down the left sidebar for more detailed pages):

http://www.wrightslaw.com/

You can also use this site to find and link up with MR and autism support groups in your area, respite care, trained parent advocates, etc.

I would strongly recommend finding a parent advocate in your area who can more personally and in more detail provide the support you need for special education and autism in your area.

Answer 2

Read the Me book by Lovaas.
When he starts his tantrum you might try to intervene immediately. Grab him and force him to pick up whatever he has thrown. You will likely have to do this hand over hand. If this is his strategy and you start to take it away, he will get worse for a short time until he sees that you are firm.
The star thing sounds like it may be too delayed. He may need a more immediate consequence with more visual cues. We used a pyramid with different pieces. Label each piece with whatever goals you want to achieve. Talking nice, picks up toys etc. Start by introducing it in a positive way. Tell him his pyramid is all up, so that means you get to have desert, candy or some activity that he likes. Do this a few times so he can make the association that pyramid up means good things. Then when he acts up, tell him you are going to take down a piece. If his behavior does not improve(it won't at first) take down the appropriate piece. Then you still have desert or the activity but he cannot. You explain that his piece is down. Everyone else can. It is important to label what the pieces are for. If you don't know what you want he can't know either. This is a good way to make his consequence a little more immediate. Another option is to also make yourself a pyramid. Put the things related to working with him, that you need to improve on.

Answer 3

Good advice from mama of two and spedusource. But I have to wonder, if he's six, why are you just asking about signs of autism? I would assume these behaviors have been around for awhile. Children with autism usually exhibit noticeable signs that something is not quite right around age 2. Have you had no help with this so far?
If your son has not been officially diagnosed/identified with autism or a disability, then contacting the school should obviously be the first step, however, you've probably already done this , so I'll skip to the next step.
You should contact an agency such as CARD-
Center for Autism and Related Disorders (here in Florida- maybe they can refer you to a similar organization in your area). They offer many parent workshops that will help you with behaviors, sensory integration (calming) strategies, language & communication, etc.
Some things you can do in the meantime is if your son is limited in his expressive and/ or receptive language is to prepare him ahead of time for changes from his normal routine. You can create what is called a "social story", which can be simple pictures depicting what your child will expect. Use pictures if your child is young or can't read. You can use pictures from photos that you take, or something as fancy as a computer program like Boardmaker (I swear by Boardmaker- it's expensive but it works like a charm with children with autism and language delays), I couldn't do my job without it. By the way, I'm a Pre k special education teacher (10 years in current school), and I've seen kids go from no language to being able to communicate their wants and needs and building social relationships in less than one school year. Also, social stories explain anticipated changes, and help to calm the fears of a child who is unable to understand changes in his environment. The impact on behavior is fantastic when implemented correctly.
Lastly, if you haven't already done this, have a conference with your child's special ed teacher and get some strategies and interventions to try at home. I always insist on parents carrying over what I do at home because you, as a parent, are his greatest teacher, and I only have him for 6 hours a day! You have him all the rest of the time. If his teacher does not help you, then seek help from a support group or agency such as CARD. Best wishes to you.

Answer 4

I am a special education teacher in Texas. I understand what you are going through. There is a program called "Transforming the Difficult Child," and it is used for a workshop for some teachers. The program was designed by Howard Glasser. It is an excellent system for dealing with children with behavioral problems. I know that parents as well as teachers can attend his workshops. The cost really isn't that bad. I believe it is still under $150 for a full day workshop. They do have a website where you can look up more info. www.difficultchild.com I have used this approach in my classroom and it is wonderful. I wish that there was more space on here to tell you about it. Feel free to use my screen name to IM me sometime if you want to hear more about it. If you go to the website, you will see that it helps kids of all ages and all disabilities. ADD, ADHD, MR, all of them. I have found that Glasser is right both in my classroom and in my home. I personally have used the approach with kids from age 3 to age 18.
I really want to leave with you one of the things from Glasser that I found to be the most irritating and life changing of the whole workshop. We are our children's favorite toy. We make more sounds, we are more animated, and we don't require batteries. He compares us to nintendo. The child will play all day because all of the bells and whistles are for when the child is behaving. What happens when the kid messes up? Bummer, start over. We as parents/educators/adults, tend to get it backwards. We give good behavior a full 3 seconds. "Good job!" Bad behavior, it gets all of our attention and for what, 2 mins, 5 mins, longer? The emphasis with Glasser is to reverse this. Spend the minutes on the good not the bad. Sounds too good and too simple to actually work, but it really does. Please check out the website or IM me. I know that this approach has made my life sooooooo much easier both at home and in the classroom. I am also the mother of a fit thrower. I've been there and I think I have at least 100 t-shirts to prove it.

Answer 5

You may try and see what is it he loves or he appreciates. My son also has huge tantrums, but if I tell him no computer he starts to button up. Also, having one on one time and asking him specific questions to why he gets so upset. does he feel like no one listens to him. Does he feel like he isn't loved. Does he have a short temper. What calms him down. A long and tight hug with you constantly saying. It's okay, I love you. Relax. or one of those soft songs. You may have to find out what makes him tick and what calms him down. Take him to Psychologist to see what it could be. Do some therapy sessions of playing games and to see how he thinks. Occasonally, let him know things can be done differently since he is so obsessive. For example, pour the milk in the bowl first before cereal, put your arms in the shirt then over your head; kind of like a Opposite Day.

Don't forget a Psychologist- we don't have all the answers.

Answer 6

I would also recommend a psychological evaluation. I work in a preschool for children with disabilities in Calif., and we serve several children on the PDD/autism spectrum. One of the first things you need to know about children on the autism spectrum is that the typical rewards that we think of giving to "typically developing" children don't work with these children. They are not motivated by the same things. They are not motivated by external rewards... they want to be able to be left alone to do things their own way. Children with autism also tend to have difficulties with change. Transitions (such as going places, stopping the activity they are engaged in, doing anything different than they are used to, etc) can set them off on a grand tantrum. If your son does have autism, I wouldn't have expected any less than a giant fit when you went camping. He is out of his normal routine and comfort zone. They need stability and consistency more than anything. Part of that goes along with the compulsive/obsessiveness symptom. Above all, he needs a diagnosis in order for you to start getting treatment for your son. Take him to your local school district and tell them that you want him assessed. Under IDEA 1995, the federal law that governs children with disabilities, they must assess him and follow through with treatment. You said he is mentally retarded... so perhaps you have a current IEP already going for your son, in which case, it should be even quicker to obtain the help you and your son need. At the very least, even if he is not diagnosed on the autism spectrum, you need a behaviorist who can develop a very specific behavior modification plan for your son. These can give you very specific, consistent responses for you to follow when your son acts out. Mentioned in one of the other responses... how does he act in school? Are the same kind of behaviors present when he is at school? How do his teachers handle behaviors? Once you get an assessment done, you will be in a much better position to deal with your son's behaviors. Good luck!
Here are some books that may help with the behaviors:
The Out of Sync Child and the Out of Sync Child Has Fun by Carol Stock Kranowitz and The World of the Autistic Child by Bryna Siegel. You can get them from Amazon.com or Barnes and Noble. The third book mentioned has lots of interesting information and insight into autism spectrum disorders, and the first two deal with sensory integration information to help deal with the behaviors that typically present in children with sensory problems and autism. Hope this helps!

Answer 7

I'm curious as to how his behavior is in school. If he is in school, what are his special ed. teachers doing with him? How is his behavior there? Someone else mentioned checking the diagnosis. I totally agree. Also, if he is on medication (I'd imagine so), what are the side effects? Diet can also play a major role. Ultimately, I would seek help from a medical professional and work closely with his school. I'd continue with the positive reinforcement you are trying. I wish I could give more help on this. I have taught several students with similar issues. I have learned to be firm but loving and keep trying.

Answer 8

my brother is dee dee dee too with asbergers syndrome. Try to calm him down by slapping him in the face and saying what a matter wit you! thats what my dad did and look how i turned out! no i'm just joking, but you should really calm him down by bringing his favorite toys along next time and spend alot of time with him like teaching him how to fish or something.

Answer 9

1st you need to make sure he has the correct diagnosis, and if things are out of control he may need to be on medication to help him before he hurts himself or someone else.

Answer 10

http://www.daylon.com/autism/

there's a link to a paper I wrote on Autism.