Is it time to leave?

Question

I've been married for 10 years and my husband has been being really hurtful to me. I have gained weight and he constantly makes comments to hurt my feelings. Last night he said he wasn't satisfied with the way I look and I needed to straighten up and lose weight and do more for him. He said was tired to telling me to do the same over and over and he was being hateful to prove a point and get my attention so I would do better. The thing is I've been really depressed and I don't have any willpower. I need some help

Answer 1

No one should be in an abusive relationship. Whether it is physical or emotional. You need to realize that he fell in love with you once and if you leave, there will be someone else that will fall in love with you for who you are. Feel free to contact me if you want to discuss this further.

Answer 2

Depression is a very evil disease.
If I were you, I would sit down and talk with my hubby away from the house, so there are no at home distractions. Ask, don't tell, him to tell you what is REALLY bothering him. Ask him why he married you 10 years ago. Ask him if you had cancer or some other life altering disease, would he feel the same. If he were blind, would he still love you? Ask him if he has changed. Physically or emotionally. Ask him what exactly it is he needs from you. The main thing....listen to what he says. Don't just hear it....but understand it.

If the weight is a real issue with him and you are both willing, exercise together (it's fun) take a walk, do stretches together anything and then tell him thank you for taking the time to help me do better for you.

You might get some pamplets about depression from your doctor or if your not seeking medical help, you can walk into any clinic and ask for literature about depression. The fact is that you really do need help. There is a TV commercial that states, Depression Hurts, Physically, People Around You, Etc. This is so true. If you can get into a group, be it over the internet or in person, it helps to talk about your problems. Once you get them out in the open, they are easier to confront. God Bless

Answer 3

Well, if you're constantly being put down, I can well understand why you would be depressed and have no motivation to lose weight.

It seems that a lot of men think if they insult you enough, it will serve as some sadistic type of tough-love motivation that will help you shed the pounds. Doing that has NEVER motivated ANY overweight woman to lose weight.

In fact, it often has the opposite effect. Most women tend to eat more after being belittled about their weight, because they need to feel comforted after having had their feelings hurt.
The real reason(s) you are overeating may possibly have to do with the fact that you are not feeling very loved by your husband. This creates an emotional sort of hunger, so you eat to feel better.


The only thing you really need to shed is this loser. After that, you will probably have no problem losing the excess weight, and regaining your self-respect and self-esteem.

Good Luck To You ~*

Answer 4

I just lost alot of weight, to please my husband, now he says I am too skinny, I look unhealthy...So, before you go on a crash diet and make yourself sick over this man-think! Depression can be helped with meds, but you have to want to get better. You can do this-if you want to do this. He can screamed, cuss, and be as hateful as he wants to be, but it's not going to help! You need to do this for you. Are you too heavy? I mean, did you go from a size 12 to 14 Oh, my Lord, call out the Fat police. Or did you go from that size 12 to a 24 That is a big difference, and a unhealthy difference. The depression must have started before the weight gain, so you need to address that first. You may need be on some medicine to help control that, but not all the pills in the world are going to help if you not face what is worring you, but they will help you deal with them better. Take this from a pro. I know you are thinking he is the meanest person on earth, and you maybe right, but let's say he is trying to help you! I hope he thinks he is trying to help you, but talk to him and say you aren't helping...tell him what he can do help you...I pray that you can work through this together, he maybe become so tired of it till he leaves. There is so many "ifs". I wish I knew more about you, because I am worried that I may say the wrong thing, and I really want to help you. Do you love yourself? Do you love him? Has he always been hurtful towards you or has it just started. I could say he should love you if you were 120 or 520, or he should love you if depressed or the happiest person on earth. But life ain't that easy. Ask him to help you get into some counseling, and he may need to go with you. I am hoping all his anger is from his love for you and worrying about you. So, please let someone help you. You took the first step by asking here, but you need some-one on one if you don't start feeling better. I hope everyone gives you some helpful suggestions that ease your problems, and don't pay no attention to those who thinks they have to mean to be funny. God bless....

Answer 5

It all depends on what his deeper intentions are meaning.

If he's talking to you hatefully And has an excuse for it! Then he's not thinking of you, he's thinking of him! That's not gonna give you will power cause you need to be able to look forward to something to pull yourself back together. Sounds like you know hes not worth deserving you. If it were me I'd leave & then find the strength to help myself. Once you know what a good caring equal relationship can be the only thing you'll regret was not doing it sooner.

Good Luck & I hope you get happy again soon :-)

P.S. When you ask if it's time to leave, That's always the best sign of it being time to move on!!

Answer 6

Try going to therapy by yourself to work out you rown depression. That is a step in the right direction. and working out will not only improve your appearance but make you feel better about yourself. It will give you more confidence. Accomplish new things or take a new class like kickboxing. That will get you out of the same role, and help you to become more independent. And ignore for now what yoru husband says. All you need to worry about is yourself.

Answer 7

1)There is one thing, Women try and do not care about the way they look once they get married. They got a husband so who cares.....N0o0o0o0 than is when you need to take care of yourself.......


2) I know that for some people is not that easy to loose weight, but give it a try....Many people lost their marriages because of these consequences...


3) I know it might be really hurtful to you him talking that way and i do understand, i bet nobody would want to see you at the TOP as much as he wants too.....

Answer 8

id tell his as$ if he dont like the way i look ,that i can always find someone who sure as hell does !! you dont deserve that , i bet he dont look like Brad Pitt either does he ..and id tell his as$ that too, if my husband ever made a comment like that to me hed have a fuc#ing fat lip,, thats disrespectful, you know what would really make him wished he had shut up.. is to loose all the weight you wanted ,and then hed be jealous .hed probably say to his self i wished i kept my mouth shut..the next time he starts in saying $hit id say something about what he looks like and see..dont be depressed over this give him some of his own medicine.

Answer 9

He may be projecting his own insecurities on you. Does he love you for your body only? Is trying to control you because he is insecure about what people might think about him by being with you?

I recommend that you share your feelings with him in a non-threatening way. You may also want to seek help from your spiritual advisor or other counseling.

Good luck.

Answer 10

Well if if the pain hes causeing you by his actions and his words are more painful then the normal grief you feel when you split I say go for a temp seperation.. See if he really misses you are if he just wanted a barbie doll.... Good luck