Would u like 10 pointz?

Question

whoever says the best joke will get 10 pointz. and i kno this is corny. but hey, it can also give u 2 pointz and im bored anywayz

Answer 1

Quickie #1

One day, Jay Dini came home and was greeted by his wife dressed in a very sexy nightie.

"Tie me up," she purred, "and you can do anything you want."
So he tied her up and went fishing.


Quickie #2

A woman came home, screeching her car into the driveway, and ran into the house. She slammed the door and shouted at the top of her lungs, "Honey, pack your bags. I won the damn lottery!"

The husband said, "Oh my God! What should I pack, beach stuff or mountain stuff?"

"Doesn't matter," she said. "Just get the hell out."


Quickie # 3
Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right,
and the other is a husband.


Quickie #4

A Polish immigrant went to the DMV to apply for a driver's
license. First, of course, he had to take an eye sight test. The
optician showed him a card with the letters: 'C Z W I X N O S T A C Z.'
"Can you read this?" the optician asked.
"Read it?" the Polish guy replied, "I know the guy."

Answer 2

TOP TEN REASONS TO GO TO WORK NAKED...

1. Your boss is always yelling, "I wanna see your *** in here by 8:00!"

2. Can take advantage of computer monitor radiation to work on your tan.

3. "I'd love to chip in, but I left my wallet in my pants."

4. To stop those creepy guys in Marketing from looking down your blouse.

5. You want to see if it's like the dream.

6. So that with a little help from Muzak you can add "Exotic Dancer" to your exaggerated resume.

7. People stop stealing your pens after they've seen where you keep them.

8. Diverts attention from the fact that you also came to work drunk.

9. Gives "bad hair day" a whole new meaning.

10. No one steals your chair.

Why does Sea World have a seafood restaurant? I'm halfway through my fish burger and I realize, Oh my....I could be eating a slow learner."

~*~*~ do i get the 10 points??*~*~*~

Answer 3

I don't have jokes, but I have quote like things.

"Many evangelical ministers believed that America was heading into the millennium, or Earth’s final thousand years of glory before the Day of Judgment. They looked for signs of the coming event in everyday life. One Vermont farmer, William Miller, determined by studying the bible that Jesus Christ would return to the world in 1843…When 1843 passed without sign of Jesus’ arrival, the date of the Advent was changed to October 21, 1844."
-high school history textbook

Dream of a better tomorrow, where chickens can cross the road...and not have their motives questioned.

Eagles may soar, but weasles don't get sucked into jet engines.

It's not a sport if the more you drink the better you get at it.

A positive attitude may not solve all your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort
-herm Albright

I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying that I approved of it.
Mark Twain

It seemed the world was divided into good and bad people. The good ones slept better... while the bad ones seemed to enjoy the waking hours much more.
Woody Allen

Man on cell phone on a train from the Bay Area to Sacramento: "Hey man, I think I left my Birkenstocks in Berkeley...I don't know, probably because they were Birkenstocks and they were meant to stay in Berkeley." (I really overheard this one)

Always acknowledge a fault. This will throw those in authority off their guard and give you an opportunity to commit more.

I thoroughly disapprove of duels. If a man should challenge me, I would take him kindly and forgivingly by the hand and lead him to a quiet place and kill him.

In Paris they simply stared when I spoke to them in French; I never did succeed in making those idiots understand their language.

Whenever you find that you are on the side of the majority, it is time to reform.

The radical of one century is the conservative of the next. The radical invents the views. When he has worn them out the conservative adopts them.

"Behind every successful man stands a surprised mother-in-law."
- Hubert Humphrey.

A good many young writers make the mistake of enclosing a stamped, self-addressed envelope, big enough for the manuscript to come back in. This is too much of a temptation to the editor.
- Ring Lardner

We do not allow speaking in tongues loudly during services, nor prophecy while a Bible study is in progress because we do not believe that the Holy Spirit would interrupt Himself. We have specific "after-glow services" and believer's meetings when these gifts of the Spirit may be exercised.
-Calvary Chapel of Cheyenne Website

(I'm bored too and I just got 2 points for copy and pasting. hehe)

Answer 4

Two guys are out hunting when one falls over with a heart attack. The other desperately calls 911 and tells the operator, "we're out in the woods and my friend just had a heart attack. I think he's dead!"

The dispatcher replies, "okay, sir, calm down. We'll get help as soon as possible. First, we need to make sure if your friend is really dead."

The hunter replies, "hold on a second," and sets down the phone.

The dispatcher hears a gunshot through the phone and the hunter quickly returns to say, "okay, I'm sure he's dead. Now what?"

Answer 5

A man is driving down the road and notices a car in the ditch. He doesn't usually help many people so he drives on by. Then he notices that a pretty woman is the driver so he goes back to help.
As he is hooking his truck to her car he says, “You know, you are the first pregnant woman I've ever helped out of a ditch.”

“But I'm not pregnant,” she says.

“Well, you're not out of the ditch yet,” he says.

Answer 6

Nah. Keep the 10 points. I've always been terrible with humor. See, watch this:
Knock Knock.
Who's there?
Ach!
Ach, who?
God bless you!
See funniless.

Answer 7

Why did the blond get fired from her job at the M&M factory?

Because she kept throwing out all the Ws!!

Answer 8

Did you hear about the waitress with one leg?

She could only work at IHOP!

(ha ha ha - I know it's bad but it's the one I remembered).

Answer 9

Knock knock... who's there? I wanna get 10 pts! (couldn't think of any jokes)

Answer 10

Not a joke...a rhythm that I learned in Catholic School...

Here I sit all broken hearted
tried to sh*t, but only farted.