Help, housewife/mom how do I get my husband to understand I need a break every now then?

Question

I have been a stay at home mom/housewife for the last year, and I really love it, except for the fact I have no time for myself. My husband enjoys the outdoor life especialy FISHING, and he is gone every single weekend out with his friends fishing, hunting, camping, etc..while I am at home with the kids. My social life has gone to nothing. It is a big job trying to get the kids ready, and me and then just the fighting with them when where out like at walmart or something I just assume to stay home. If I ask him to watch the kids while I go out its hell what I have to go thru so I just dont ask, and If I try to talk to him about how I am feeling he just says stuff like you should be happy dont know why you ant happy, but he really just dont understand, how can I make him understand that I need time to myself every now and then, because of this I am getting really depressed, and he seems to dont care>>>>>>

Answer 1

u look at him n say LOOK I NEED A BREAK I AM GOIN NUTS N I NEED U TO DO THINGS TODAY SO I CAN GET OUT N GET A BREATH FOR A FEW HRS SO EITHER U DO THIS FOR ME OR I GO NUTS N KILL ANYONE IN MY SITE. see if that helps

Answer 2

first of all-- i'm really sorry that you're kind of all on your own with the kids and everything.

secondly-- don't ASK him if he can watch the kids, you TELL him. you tell him, i have an appointment too go to (so what if it's the SPA, it's an appointment none the less right? lol), so you need to stay home and watch the kids for a couple hours until i get back, and NO i cannot take the kids with me.

those aren't YOUR kids, they're both you and your husband's children, and he should be doing and equal share of the work. most men NEVER realize the hardships of a stay @ home mom because they think they have all the time in the world to screw around and they do nothing all day because watching the kids is a piece of cake-- what crap! you need to make your husband realize that you need to start taking care of yourself more-- so you can take care of your children and him better. a happy mom makes a great mom. lol. cheesy i know, but totally true.

you can tell him that every other weekend, he can go out and go fishing, camping, hunting, whatever the h*ll he wants to do with his buddies, but on those off weekends, those are YOUR weekends, and you girl better make an appointment on EVERY SINGLE DAY of those weekends!! lmao!

i hope this helped you hun!! good luck!!

Answer 3

I think you should write him a letter. You can put your thoughts down exactly as you want them said. I have had a lot of success with this technique in the past. Here's what I think he might understand; "I am becoming depressed. The reason I am becoming depressed is because I take care of the kids, you, the house 24/7 and have no time to myself. I work more hours than a if I were a full time employee at a company. It is almost to the point where I am going to have to start counseling and taking anti-depressants. I'd rather we not spend extra money on that, when all I need is a few hours here and there. If you want me to be able to take are of the kids, you and this household, then I'm letting you know what I need in order to make that happen."

Good luck!

Answer 4

Well, since it seems like you've already tried talking to him. . . I suppose the only other thing you can do is either try to trick him into listening to you, or threaten to leave. One day, just to see what he does, you should pack up a bunch of your things (only things he'll notice, because you're not actually going to leave.) put them in a garage or somewhere he won't notice, and take your kids. Go to a friend or relative's house and await his call on your cell, if you don't have a cell, leave a note at the house saying "I just can't do it anymore" and a number where you'll be staying. If he doesn;t come after you, you should leave for real, because that a**hole doesn't know what a blessing he had. If he does, however, come after you, explain to him that you need yourtime too, and that he should spend some weekends with you and him kids, and that durring the week, you need some time off too.

Answer 5

Why are you so mousy? You need to stand up and just DO it! Just get a babysetter and GO do something! Oh, but then you would feel guilty, and worry about having to defend your actions to him, huh? Well, have you ever considered that you are an abused wife? He is a father, and as a father, he should GLADLY help by watching his own children while you go to the store or whatever. He has it MADE. He goes out with his buddies, huh? You have just been beaten down in to a mousy little scaredy cat, and you need help now. If you can't stand up to him, then leave him for a while, till he misses you and listens to you. If it is too much of a hassle to leave, then stay, but GET A BABYSETTER and do something. NOthing you will regret, but something! You DO need a break, because what you are doing is WORK. He knows it is, and that is why he doesn't want to do it.

Answer 6

If you've tried to talk to him about this matter, and he is unresponsive, then it's time to take matters into your own hands. Since he's gone EVERY weekend, he won't have a clue what you're up to right? So, this is what you do: The next time you need some time to yourself or you need to get something done, HIRE A BABYSITTER. Sure, its a little money out of your pocket, but its worth the peace of mind isn't it?
And if HE should discover your little "secret" and get mad, just tell him that if HE were to accept some responsibility for the kids that HE HELPED to produce, then you wouldn't have to hire out!!!

He's being an insensitive, selfish ******, and I don't know why you haven't taken a firmer step sooner! Good luck!

Answer 7

Tell him that you really enjoy what you are doing but you need some personal time. Explain to him how his job stops when he leaves work and your job never stops and the only time you feel really relieved is when you go out alone and do something for yourself. Maybe if it is causing you to feel depressed you should consider getting a part time job or even full time. This may cause a financial burden but you have to do what you have to do. Explain to your husband that even if it cost you money you are willing to leave the kids so you can keep your sanity. Good Luck

Answer 8

Well that happened to me and I did the same as you and I just clammed up. Then I finally told him one day that I was tired I needed air by myself, these are his kids too and he needs to spend as much time with them as he can, and I said I ordered pizza and it would be here soon, and I grabbed my keys and purse and left for like 2 1/2 hours, and I shut my cell phone off when I got in the car. By the way he just walked in the door from work. He knew at that point for me to do what I did that I was totally burned out, because that wasn't normal for me to do, when I got home we sat down and talked, I told him I wanted for him to spend sometime with his friends but not every stinking weekend because we needed him in our lives more than any one and we had him the least. Things have improved sooooo much since them, and I can come and go as easy as he can now. Although I don't do it alot maybe a few times a month. We have also set a couple of times a month just for us too.

Answer 9

You get up and get dressed and just leave the house. Don't sit there and wait for him.You need a break and if he can't
understand that then you do what you have to.Men sometimes think that we as women can handle it all and forget we need time to.Just leave the kids with him and go.And when you get back home don't say a word just go on and do what needed.If he start an argument don't argue back.Just tell him that you needed time and you could not talk to him about it.

Answer 10

As far as the depressed thing and him not caring: He probably doesn't know. Men are clueless. And it just seems like he doesn't care because your depressed. Try telling him about it. Now for the rest of it: When you ask him to watch the kids, does he give you hell because its to much work for him to watch the kids of a few hours? Ask him what the problem is. Ask him why he gives you such a hard time when you want him to watch his children. And tell him you need to have your own live outside of just the kids.

Answer 11

Does he help getting the kids ready or preparing meals for the family? Does he "try" to help out? If so, and if he's doing it "wrong" let him. That's the only way he's going to learn how difficult it is to take care of the kids. You can also get up first leave out the house and leave a note or call from the mall and let him know that the kids needs A-B-C done.