My boyfriend and I have lived together for a year. We are getting married in 2 months. The problem is his daughter is giving him a hard time about it. She lives with us and I do a lot for her and she's nice to my face, I think she likes me. She never says anything to me, it's when they're alone. She is very bossy and I actually think she thinks she can talk him out of it. I know she can't, but I just don't understand why she can't be happy for us. She knows this is the most important thing in the world to me, so why is she doing this?
2006-07-17 07:53:19 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
My sister's step-daughter was like that. She still (after 6-7 years) tries to stir the pot and cause trouble. She finally turned 18 and moved out. I think in her little world, if her dad and my sister weren't together, that her dad would get back with her mom...but it wouldn't matter...he wouldn't go back to her for any reason.
2006-07-17 08:06:31 · answer #1 · answered by PATTY H 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Please go get "The Enlightened Stepmother" by Perdita Norwood RIGHT NOW and read it!!!!
This is actually completely normal - you can't expect your stepdaughter to jump for joy that her dad and you are getting married. Now her parents will never get back together, and it's a big adjustment for her. Don't expect expressions of joy from her. But that doesn't mean that YOU can't be happy about the wedding.
She is insecure about her place in the new family. Her mom could also be making things "uncomfortable" for her, too.
Please read the book. As another stepmom, I do understand what you are going through, and that book has some fantastic advice and insights.
2006-07-17 08:17:55 · answer #2 · answered by voxwoman 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have to agree with the girl earlier that said think twice. When I met my ex husband his daughter lived with him and was 14....She was nice to me at first but when things got more serious between her dad and I she started to hate me, she ended up turning other family members against me. It was horrible. She is now 21 and still acts the same.
2006-07-17 08:25:23 · answer #3 · answered by hipchic_inhiding 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
So? She doesn't get a vote. You didn't say how old she is but it sounds like to me that rather than listen to her whine, your boyfriend should tell her straight out that this is happening and that if she has any concerns/issues that you'll all talk about it. But that's it - she either airs her issues or gets on board. It's happening, whining about it is a waste of everyone's time.
2006-07-17 09:40:02 · answer #4 · answered by jerryg1212 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's plain and simple; your stealing her man (smile). You have to have a heart to heart with this girl and let her know your not trying to take anything away from her and her fathers relationship. That you only hope to share a life with him as his companion and hopefully come to be a Friend she can trust and confide in. Let her understand your not trying to be her mom or replace her, but want to be someone she can depend on.
2006-07-17 08:09:13 · answer #5 · answered by mrpuffandstuff 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i know you love this man but for some one who's been there ..dont marry this man ..it will be shear Hell, I'm serious ..i married a man with a daughter and there where times i wished i hadn't, i dont know how old she is but maybe she should live with her mom or something,if she a teenager your in for a bumpy ride, and believe me when i say youre future husband will always do what she wants cause her wont want to piss her off.. ill pray for you..cause you'll need it
2006-07-17 08:08:17 · answer #6 · answered by Ms Scarlet 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
okay, first of all this happened to me and it was me in his shoes, and now i am getting a divorce partly because of it. I would think about it...kids can be very manipulative when it comes to matters of parents, especially if they don't like the person to begin with. I wish I would have never married him.
2006-07-17 11:14:00 · answer #7 · answered by cutipi_1977 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She is probably skeptical because she knows she won't be able to control him the way she does now when you guys are married, but either way it is his life, and he needs to do what he wants with it. Children do not make the rules, parents do.
2006-07-17 07:57:56 · answer #8 · answered by heatherdrake2005 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
How old is the daughter? She might have some slight insecurities and it might be best that the father talk with her about the situation.
2006-07-17 08:05:58 · answer #9 · answered by oklahoma_whistle_britches 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She may feel that you will take her place and she will be out.Talk to her and see where she's coming from.Let her know that you will love her and that everything will work out.She need to know that you will not change and become the mean stepmother.Good luck it will turn out fine
2006-07-17 08:05:26 · answer #10 · answered by missmadhatter 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋