I've been married just under 8 months, my husband just admitted to being unfaithful please help!?

Question

Hi, I got married last October and my husband and I were so in love. We immediately after getting married had some financial problems ( He switched jobs from being a welder to a car salesman (100% commission) and couldn't seem to earn any money. I picked up the slack on all of the bills and really tried to make things work, and to give his new career a chance. After being at one place a while he quit, was unemployed for a little bit, and then went to another dealership but we had the same problem. Well he ended up quitting that dealership and even though I was stresed over money and bills, my main problems with him were his lack of motivation so I will admit I did try to motivate him. Well in the past month he has become really distant, and cold. He used to write me love letters and was completely the opposite. I told him that if he didn't make me feel wanted in my own home, I would leave. I did and have been living with my parents for the past week. It has been hell. He just

got a new job and is working a whole lot and didn't care much about trying to contact me. I came back to the house this past weekend and while there he apologized for everything, but then the conversation ended up with him admitting that he had an affair with a customer at the 2nd dealership he worked at, only months after our wedding! IN a car that he just sold her in daylight behind a store somewhere! He said it was a 1 time thing, but it broke my heart and he said that he doesn't know what he wants anymore. How can I ever forgive him if he's not overly sorry and wanting to make things work? I'm a mess because I love him so much and do not want to give up on everything, but am having a really tough time figuring out what to do and how to go about things with him. I'm meeting him later at the house to talk about things, but can't put the thought of him still being cold and how to try to get him to snap out of this guilt trip he's in to make things work, out of my head? thanks so m

Here's the kicker. When we got married, I moved in with him-sold my house, etc. The house was his pre-marital along with his 10 acres it sits on. I have been with him this entire time while he hasn't been making any money and I've been taking care of him and everything, now because he did this if I chose to give up on him I am going to lose everything, because it was premarital. Does anybody know anything about the law where I might be able to get something out of this, it just isn't right. Due to me living in Indiana, they pretty much believe what is yours before marriage is yours afterwards or in my case isn't, ugh, its just so wrong for me to be at the short end of the stick and broken hearted.

Answer 1

Say bye bye! Move on w/ your life!

Answer 2

I am so sorry to hear you are going through this. It seems like your husband has a lot of growing up to do.

When a man decides to get married he should be prepared to take care of his family emotionally, physically and financially. Even though women are more independent these days, both partners need to be self-reliant and mature enough to handle situations together.

You have been trying to be a good wife to him by picking up the slack in order to support his dream of pursuing auto sales, but when he realized that he was not successful at earning enough money to pay at least some of the household bills, he should have gotten a second job (delivering pizza, stocking grocery shelves, etc.) to supplement the household income until things got better.

He was willing to sacrafice his committment to you, your health and his job to sleep with some skank that he just met. This shows he doesn't care about himself or you. This "one time tryst" is probably not the only one and certainly wont be the last if you stick around.

Your husband does not have enough intelligence to be respectful, appreciative or considerate towards you. You are being a good wife and he is just taking advantage of your love and kindness.

If I were you I'd run as fast as I can to the nearest divorce lawyer and STD clinic.

Share your love with someone who deserves you. Not some "Grown Boy" pretending to be a man.

Answer 3

being unfaithful can really put stress in a marriage as well as the emotions that build up. Will you ever be able to trust him. On the other side of things, depression of not making money to bring home to your new wife can take a toll and play with your head. He probably felt inadequate which is why he probably slept with someone else to give him a boost of confidence in himself. This was very poor judgment. It seems he has lost himself in the in-term. Marriage counseling may do the trick but remember he broke your heart. If you will never be able to trust him you should move on. You will be able to tell once you see him if he really feels anything for you or if he's just stringing you along in case nothing else works out for him you will always be there. Be careful. don't waste your life on someone that doesn't deserve you.

Answer 4

I think the way you say things here, that he wants to hurt you, You said or did something that really hurt him and when a man admits to having an affair to his wife it's a way for it to end or get you back. You never said that he stopped having that affair? He is now free to have her in your bed you left him. Sales is a tough profession I been a salesman for a long time, no affairs though but I am divorced 10 years.She did that. I would bet being a man he has other interests and you opened the door more for him, but I am just guessing. Maybe the both of you are not the right choice for each other..

Answer 5

well i have to say if he had an affair within one month of marriage its not good thinking he will not do it over and over again, the days of wine and roses usually fade slowly but in this case you never had a chance, get out of the relation ship as fast as you can hes not worth it all the while you were struggling to make ends meet and this guy goes out and has fun and then hurts you by being so casual about the whole thing, at the beginning you will find it hard to forget him but you will not look back in anger but you will thank god some day from saving you from a guy who is worthless, there are a lot of good men who iam sure will appreciate you for your hard work, keep smiling girl your not alone god is always there pray to him to give you strength to get you through this, remember tough times do not last tough women do,god bless you

Answer 6

Infidelity happens for different reasons, many of which are not related to sex (unless one is a sex addict which I don't think your husband is). I think your husband needed validation for not being a provider and having you pick up the slack on the bills. His self esteem and male ego were hurting and he probably feels a low sense of self worth because of this. He chose to reassure himself by having a fling. I know it sounds absurd, but that's one reason why men cheat...low self esteem in a relationship. Although I think he made a very wrong choice and hurt you, I don't feel that infidelity is always solely the fault of the cheating spouse. You both should reevaluate your relationship and retrace some steps that led up to his behavior. Be honest! Do you both need to change some things? Is he able to rebuild his self-esteem by providing for you rather than cheating when he feels low about himself? Be true to yourself! If you still want to work on the marriage, talk to him honestly in a loving reassuring way. It may be difficult to do right now, so take your time to get to this point. Acting or saying things out of anger are all too easy right now, so talk when you can do so calmly. Men need women to make them feel important in their lives. Sometimes, they just can't see past themselves. It's crucial that you both seek counseling if you choose to work on the marriage. Best of luck to you! Most of all, be honest with him about your feelings and BE TRUE TO YOURSELF!

Answer 7

It sounds to me like he may be experiencing some level of depression. Depression can cause people to behave completely opposite of their norm. Depression is an ugly beast, because it sets in over time and slowly takes over control of your life. Cheating is one of the many signs of depression. Someone begins to feel down and doesn't understand why. All they know is that they don't care if they live or die...they just exist. In an attempt to find whatever it is that took their spirit away, they may cheat to see if it makes them feel better. Obviously depression is caused from unbalanced chemicals in the brain and can only be fixed with medicine. Usually when a depressed person cheats, they end up feeling even worse afterwards. Now they are depressed and have to live with the guilt that they cheated on someone they love.
I would suggest talking with a Psychiatrist. Not a counselor. Counselors are worthless wastes of flesh who usually cause more harm than good. Psychiatrists are medical doctors, which means they can counsel you AND prescribe the necessary meds to help bring him out of his depressed state.
Sounds like you love him.....so don't give up on him. When a person is depressed, they need one last item in their mind to hang on to. When they lose that last item, or that last bit of hope, they lose their reason to live. Sounds like you might be that last hope he has to live for. No matter what anybody tells you, your marriage is worth fighting for. Your husband is sick, and you promised "in sickness and in health". Do you remember the definition of love from your wedding? It begins "Love is patient love is kind" and ends "Love does not delight in evil, but rejoices in the truth. There is nothing love cannot overcome. Loves always hopes. Love always endures".

Answer 8

It is hard for me to belive that he wouldn't do it again when he can't seem to realize how wrong it is now.
I think if he really loved you he would be CRAWLING back, begging, writing the best love letters of his life! begging for you to be with him and to forgive him. You have to think that if he is not doing this, maybe he just doesn't care as much as you do for your marriage. In that case, stay with mom and move on and look at it as a learning mistake.
Make him BEG for forgiveness and romance you the way he should have been doing the first year of your marriage. My husband and I were completly broke our first yr, we were in college, but it never crossed my mind to cheat or that he would.

Answer 9

I know it is difficult because you still love him, but you need to be strong and leave. This isn't a good situation at all for you. If he cheated once, especially this early in the marriage, he will do it again. I cannot overemphasize enough that you must end it now. Do not wait, you will trap yourself if you do. Good luck!

Answer 10

I'm a firm believer that "Once a cheater, always a cheater"... My ex g/f cheated on me once and I stayed with her only to have her cheat on me a total of 3 more times before I finally said enuff is a enuff... Love will make you do some strange things... But cheating on your lover is NOT one of them... If you go back to him he will cheat again. Because he's proven in his mind that he can get by with it because you came back... He's getting his cake and eating it to.. Eventually, you will get tired of being hurt over and over again and you will move on in search for someone that will treat you with the respect that you deserve. Remember that he is not the only guy out there and I guarantee there is one out there that would die to be in his position with you.....

Answer 11

I've admitted to cheating to my wife. It's not something I don't think she'll ever get over, but it was my way of giving her closure should she have wanted to stay apart. I felt she needed to know everything that may have affected our marriage and that I was sincere in trying to make things work this time. Every blue moon I find myself doing extra things special because of my guilt of betraying her trust, but it's also to let her know I'm really in love with her. If you really love him and believe him to be sincere rest assure he'll be more attentive to you, but you have to allow him to in his own mind regain your trust.