How would you feel and what would you do if you were in this situation?

Question

Ok me and a friend of mine are getting pretty close. She calls me almost everynight and we talk all night long on the phone. Sometimes she even calls me early in the morning b4 work just to hear my voice. This has been going on for about 3 or 4 months or so, yet we're still in the "friends" phase and I am ready to move on. Recently I found out that she only considers us good friends and that she is looking for a girl to be with. She always tells me that she's tired of being alone, but I am here waiting for some kind of sign to let me know what she wants to do. I feel like she's looking passed me becuz she knows I will be there if she needs me to fall back on. I have a feeling she's talking to some other people as well, but I dont see where she gets the time since we are on the phone all night long and she works all day. I dont really have a right to be mad since we're not together, but I cant help but be a little hurt. Any advice?

Answer 1

Is there anyway you can drop some hypothetical hints in a creative way without actually coming out and saying I WANT YOU? I don't know... maybe steer the conversation into the "what if" scenarios. I hope this makes sense. I know what I'm trying to get at but am having a hard time communicating it to you! Tell her you had a friend of yours (imaginary friend, of course) actually comment that she thought ya'll were together. See what she says about it. It might steer the conversation along the lines you want it to go to see how she feels. Good luck!!!

Answer 2

I can relate to where your friend's at. I've actually had friends that wanted to move into a relationship and I could not do that. If you guys are really good friends I am sure she would be too worried of losing you as a friend if the relationship went sour. I know you probably would say "no matter what happens I would still be there for you even if we broke up", but that's pretty tough especially since relationships are extremely trying on friendships and break-ups lead to awkward feelings not just for you and her but also all the people you share as friends. These people feel they would have to "pick a side." Really the best advice I can give is either give it more time if it is what you really want but you're really gonna have to talk to her about it and maybe let her know cause right now she may be in the dark since we always see others lives so clearly and when they're getting hit on, but we're completely oblivious when it comes to ourselves. Best of luck

Answer 3

You've already gotten a lot of answers but I'd thought I'd give my two cents. I think you are right to feel hurt and even a little mad. I also think you are smart and have already figured out that your friend is sort of using you. Especially, if you've just found out she only considers you to be just a "friend." She has you in a limbo of waiting for her and hoping that the both of you are going to have a love relationship and it's not right. Maybe she's just dumb and has no idea about your feelings or maybe she does know and is enjoying keeping you around for the times she's feeling lonely. I mean, if she really wanted to have a love relationship with you then it would have happened by now. As I see it, there are two possibilities here. One, you tell her about your feelings and she comes clean about her own and maybe the friendship is over. Or two, you don't say anything and just keep her as a friend. In any case, you deserve more. Please think about moving on from this inadequate relationship and looking for someone more worth your time and energy.

Answer 4

Have y'all known each other for a really long time? That may be the reason she doesn't want to date you - sometimes it's weird and hard to get over a long-term bond like that by moving on to the next level. Really, your only pro-active options are to either make the first move, or bring up something to the effect of, "You know, you keep saying you want a girl who cares for you [etc.] but I'm right here - is there any reason you don't think of me in that way?" If neither of those appeal to you, you have to just sit back and wait - remember that no one ever died because of communication and that if she really isn't into you, nothing you can do or say will change that.
Best of luck, and have a pleasant day.

Answer 5

Back off and go meet some new people. Think of her as practice. If you leave her hanging with nothing to do either she will move on to the other people or find that she's rather fond of you and then she'll assert herself. But I'm suspecting that she might be trying to get you to admit you like her before she is willing to say the same thing. I wonder if she's not telling you about this woman she's interested in to jolt you to take action? Maybe it's shock therapy? The next time she mentions it I would question the heck out of her and maybe say, "Here I invested all this time with you and you're dumping me for a woman." That should get things moving.

But I think backing away would be most helpful to yourself and to help her determine how she really feels. Give her space and go enjoy life without a phone in the ear.

Good luck.

Answer 6

It is time to let the dream die babe. Move on and find you someone else. This girl has no idea what she wants. Just make yourself unavailable when she calls say I am sorry I can't talk right now I have to catch up on some work. and then hang up don't let her keep you on the line. Or if you want to be cruel go out with someone on a date and tell her about it later. If she acts mad or hurt you can always say oh I thought we where just friends.

Answer 7

If you want the girl, ask her out already. Yeah, she might say no, but being rejected beats being her platonic phone buddy. I think she's given you plenty of hints that should would be receptive, what are you waiting for? A neon blinking sign that says "Date Me"?

If you just want to stay friends, then don't do anything.

But what you are doing strikes me as a lot of petty melodrama for no good reason. Do or do not. Just stop fence sitting and whining about how much fence sitting sucks. You're in this situation because you choose to be. If you don't like where you are, change it.

It really is that simple.

Answer 8

It just sounds like you have a good friend. Just because you are both lesbians or bisexual women doesn't mean you have to date each other or that your friendship ever needs to or will become romantic, you can just be good friends.

Now if what you have right now is a friendship yet you would like it to become a romactic relationship then you should say something to her. She may just see you two as friends and like it that way. Like any other guy/girl, girl/girl, or guy/guy friendship that turns romantic things will change if you choose to cross that line forever. Make sure you want her as a girlfriend more then a friend before you do anything. You have a friend now, good for you, any changes will have to be started my you.

Answer 9

You're talking all this time and not saying anything? Spend some of this time talking about where your relationship is going. Tell her you are ready to be with someone special and you want to know if she is ready to explore that, or should you look elswhere.

We can't answer these questions for you, you have to get it from the horse's mouth!

Answer 10

Do youo want to be with her?
Try an informal date, ask her to go out with you. Maybe a movie, someplace you can "accidently" touch her hand and see what happens. You may be right about her, or maybe she's not sure how you feel. The worst she can do is say "no", but it might turn into something really exciting.