and they hate him....they are all putting me in the middle..my friends wont speak with me till bf is outta my life..and my bf forbids me to talk to them...im hurting so bad right now..should i just say to hell with all of them and find new bf and friends??????
2006-07-17 06:07:32 · 19 answers · asked by freesiahigh7814 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
Okay, ask yourself this: is your boyfriend controlling you in other ways, or is he just objecting to your current friends? Because a lot of times, an abuser's first priority is to get their victim isolated by driving off their friends and family. If I knew a friend of mine was being manipulated that way, I would hate her bf too.
Either way, you need to set up some clear boundaries, right now. Tell your friends you will make your own decisions, and that you would like to stay friends with them but you can't if they keep badmouthing someone you care about. Then tell your boyfriend the same thing. It is not fair for them to put you in the middle.
Try to figure out why they dislike each other, and make a decision on who is most right from there.
2006-07-17 06:17:41 · answer #1 · answered by triviatm 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
http://www.sylviasplace.com/signs.html
The following paragraph is from the above site.
Isolation: The abusive person tries to cut the victim off from all resources. If the victim has friends of the opposite sex, s/he is "fooling around." If s/he has same sex friends, s/he is "homosexual." If s/he is close to family, s/he is "tied to the apron strings." The abuser accuses people who are of support to the victim of "causing trouble." The abuser may want to live in the country without a phone, s/he may not let their partner use a car (or have one that is reliable), or s/he may try to keep the victim from working or going to school.
Please, go to this site listed above. There are a lot of other signs of an abusive or controlling person. Your friends probably see him for what he is. You are probably blinded because you are physically attracted to him. Good girls can be attracted to bad boys. It's classic human behavior. Please, check it out and really think about it. Your life may depend on it. Good luck.
2006-07-17 06:27:07 · answer #2 · answered by NORTH WEST 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Big problem!
Talk to them all, if they truely care about you, they will put in the effort.
If this doesn't work, figure out who is more important and stay with them. Depending on your age, i'd choose your friends. Although they're not being good friends putting you in this type of situation. They need to grow up, and I don't mean this in a insulting way, I mean seriously.
2006-07-17 06:13:52 · answer #3 · answered by Seinfeld 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My son and his girlfriend of 3 years do not share many of the same friends and that is a big concern to us.
He is a preppy, country club type and she is bonfire and drinking friends (she doesn't drink though) type. I think when/if you get married you HAVE to have common friends or it can pull you apart. I do not believe in "boys or girls night out". I had friends who did this and they used to laugh at me because we had COUPLES nights out. They are divorced - I have been married 24 years today! It is important to have common friends.
Friends are sometimes jealous of the time you spend with your new boyfriend and hate him simply because they think he is taking YOU away from them. In time they will get over that.
IF the difference is values - you need to decide which one has and leads the kind of life you want in the future and go with that.
Hope this helps - good luck to you!
2006-07-17 06:17:11 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think that if your friends were true friends and if your boyfriend was as loyal and true as he should be; you wouldn't be in this situation. If you enjoy both parties' company then where there's a will, there's a way to socialize with your friends and spend time with your boyfriend. I for one have been the friend in this situation and the best way to deal with it is to talk to them about it. Get them to agree to disagree and share your company. If you feel that they're not worth it, then of course in that case you should forget about them and move on.
2006-07-17 06:15:15 · answer #5 · answered by NinI BaBii 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
sounds like your bf is controlling and that's not good. could this be the reason your friends dont like him. You need to address your bf and friends. Get control of your life.
2006-07-17 06:18:41 · answer #6 · answered by Chef Vikk 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe you should figure out exactly what it is about your friends and your boyfriend that they each hate about each other. I think you need to do what makes you happiest. As selfish as it is, you should put yourself first in this situation and find people who will accept you and your decisions.
2006-07-17 06:10:18 · answer #7 · answered by krd12 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have to be really honest with yourself. Either he's a jerk or the group you hang with is. It's common for maybe one friend to hate your man and visa versa... But all of them?
I think they're ALL controlling, IMHO.
2006-07-17 06:10:54 · answer #8 · answered by emilsignia 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
yes to hell with anyone who forbids you to talk to anyone, you must have respect for each others personal lives and choice in friends, he does not have to hang out with them or like them but he can be civil and stay out of your way and see his friends when you see yours and your friends have the right to forbid someone from hanging out withthem who has been disrepectful of threatens their safety, otherwise they are not to dictate who you date to you
2006-07-17 06:12:48 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
well i would deff. keep friends i mean if your friends dont like him he must of done somthing to get them like that... if there your bff's then keep them but if your bf is your true love ... then i have no idea on a good answer for your ?
2006-07-17 06:10:25 · answer #10 · answered by *~BabiGurl~* 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋