Why can't the exwife just leave us alone?

Question

I am 23, with a 40 year old man, who has a 16 year old son. The ex wife left him years ago for another man, and they hadn't started NOT getting along until I came into the picture with Roger. The exwife has even resorted to coming to Roger's home to pick up the boy (Roger has full custody), and proceeded to tell me to get out of Roger's life, or she would take Jacob away of which would make Roger hate me anyway. Jacob is no longer allowed for me to drop him off at school (cause she considers me a "baby"). I am planning on moving in with Roger next month, but I am deathly afraid of this bipolar woman and that she will cause me more and more grief, but I love Roger so very much. Please help!

In my defense from earlier comment- She is not actually bipolar, but she puts on one personality for me, and a sweet personality to her son, and Roger, poor thing, gets both. The son, Jacob, is spoiled for a 16 year old. He does not have a job, and all he does is want, want, want. When I was his age, I had a full time job, and still mananged to finish high school and go to college. His mother will insult me for my age, but yet she couldn't even finish high school (she dropped out). So those of you who are saying I am wrong and stuff--- reread now. I love Roger, and he very much loves me, and we intend on getting married within the year and he wants to give me atleast one child.

Answer 1

She is jealous because you are so much younger and probably prettier than she is. Your man needs to handle this. If he has custody, she can't just "take" the boy away. She would have to go back to court, and prove Roger unfit. Very hard to do. Just let her blow her smoke, there is nothing she can do. Again, she is just jealous. She can't stop you from dropping him at school, either, that is up to the custodial parent to decide. She may make your life miserable for a while, but legally, there is nothing she can do. By the way, I am dating a man 14 years older than me and his fat, nasty exwife calls me "Midlife Crisis Barbie", so I know what you are going through. Email me and we can swap horror stories if you want. [e-mail]

Answer 2

well you had my sympathy up until you decided to mention her as bi-polar. The way you did that came across as a bit of a low blow, from the point of view of someone with experience of depression.
She obviously is taking all of this very badly, probably loved Roger a lot more than you or he have understood and now she thinks you're going to come between her and the son. Add to that her illness and she really does need some support.
Roger has experience of her illness presumably and if nothing else, the least he owes her,is to make sure now that he is not there, she has some support, medically and emotionally.
She probably feels because of your age, that she is on the scrap heap, and that she has little or no future.
Stop seeing her as some monster and try to understand how impossible bi-polar is to live with. If you can be a little more sympathetic, you will make the bond between you and Roger stronger rather than saying you're scared of her and making her into some monster.
Read up about mental health, we're not all machete wielding loonies intent on coming after you in the middle of the night.

Answer 3

well for one look at the age difference! she is just paranoid that you at age 23 are not mature enough to take care of her son who is only 7 years younger then you. Not that I am saying you are, but view it from her point of view. there are couples TODAY who are dating at this age range, i was 18 and dated a 28 year old. i think she is just worried for her kid. depending on how long the two of you have been together she will eventually see that you are not a "baby" and that you are mature enough to take on responsibilities.

My sister is 24 and married a man who is 10 years older then her and he had 4 children from his first marriage, my sister got married when she was 20, and for the longest time the families didn't think she could handle the kids, marriage, that lifestyle, but here 4 years later she has proven all of them wrong. if you love roger then wait it out. the ex is just playing the card that she is dealt. in time she will see you for you and not for the "replacement" . i wish you luck, and i know that it will be hard, but life gets easier. it always does if you learn compromise.

Answer 4

Roger is the one that should put this heffa in her place. If Roger has full custody the freak has NO RIGHT coming to Rogers house to pickup or drop off the boy. Next month when you move it make it clear to ALL that you will not tolerate being disrespected from this woman. There is no need for you and her to even speak.

Answer 5

Tell Roger to get his ex on a leash if he wants to continue to see you or you won't be moving in at all. I'm not too sure you should anyway since the kid is 16 years old. I mean, he might see you as HIS girlfriend. This is Rogers problem and he should be man enough to stand up to the ex.

Answer 6

Sometimes my girl you have to stand up and fight! I know that is not the best answer but you cannot allow this ex-wife to come in here and put fear in your heart. It is time that you put some fear in her. She has had her chance and I would roll over and die for her butt for nothing in the world.

You let an ex come in and think she is going to run me off and she would be in for a big suprise at the end of the rainbow! (LOL!)
Listen dear you cannot keep running from this and you have to do something, Let Roger know as well and see what he says and if he doesn't object to you doing what needs to be done then let the games begin! But if he disagrees with you I would still do what I have to do because just like I said before she has had her chance and now it is over.

Let her know that the buck stops here! No more threats and no more of your minds games and if she wants to play dirty then baby play dirty right along with her. What's the best advantage you have on yourside is youth!

That's right you have youth on your side you use that too as an advantage and fight girl and don't let that ***** run you out you run her out! Do you feel me?
Good luck and knock the hell out of her!

Answer 7

Tell Roger to grow a set of balls, and tell her how it is. If he loves you he should be willing to do that. She is jealous cause he hooked up with you and shes with some old fart. He just needs to let her know that you are now a part of his life and she has to deal with it. Have you talked with Jacob about this, how does he feel, do the two of you get along? Is there any talk of marriage? What do you suppose Rogers intentions are?

Answer 8

It's not about you or Roger, it's about being replaced by a younger woman. Does her present husband know how she's acting? Because I might think she still has a thing for Roger if I were him. Tell her Roger's life goes on even without you in it so get used to it.

Answer 9

Be careful... we are all somebody's fool one day or the other. Were they still seeing each other before you came along? What is Roger telling his ex-wife about you? She might not be that crazy... may be she is jealous of you being around her son or disappointed that he (Roger) can't see her anymore because you are around. Who knows, may be he told her that they eventually could be together again. Before you point fingers at her, have a talk with Roger about all this.

Answer 10

He's too old for you hon, you dont need to inherit the baggage associated with an exwife, a 16 year old step-son, and a 40 year old mid-life moron, who is probably the reason his wife went off the deep end in the first place. Enjoy your life, there will be plenty of time when YOU are 40 to inherit all the kinds of problems associated with divorce and step-parenting.