Had an affair this weekend....?

Question

Before anyone judges me, I really need some advice rather than judgement.
The relationship I am in is very painful. We've been together for five years and he don't communicate, have intimacy, talk to each other, etc. I understand relationships are not perfect nor am I trying to change him. I have tried my bets to communicate but it ends up in a disturbing fight and I get close to passing out. I have two children, he watches them during the day while I work. We have limited funds.
I have a friend I recently met and talk to him about my issues. I needed to get away so we went out to eat, have drinks and just laugh. We had a sex and it made me feel very beautiful again.
I feel I needed the touch and support that he was giving me and I wanted to know for myself where my heart was since I have been feeling lost and too emotional.
I can't stop thinking about him and he said neither can he.
Any genuine advice, thanks.

I'm not ready to break it off with my relationship and I'm not wanting to jump into another relationship either.
I've never done this before, what will happen now?

Take this literally. I have no friends. My family has their own set of issues and don't accept me anyway. (different story).
When I say I'm in this alone and have been, I mean just that.
BTW, I love my children, don't even step on my feet when it comes to them. They will be happy if mommy is happy and trust me, I'm not ready for another relationship anyway. My children AND I come first.

Answer 1

You really need to seek some professional help. Relationships can be very complicated without bringing a third party into it. Starting an emotional and sexual relationship with someone else is only going to complicate your life even more. Also remember if he will cheat with you he will cheat on you.

Here are a couple of questions you should ask yourself:

1. Do I truly want to continue my present relationship?
2. Am I in love with current boyfriend or am I just staying because we've been together for 5 yrs?
3. Can I continue in a relationship where there is no communicate, have intimacy, talk to each other, etc?

I hope you get the help you need to straighten out your life.

Answer 2

Then you have to decide on what is going to make you happy. Are you really that content in staying in a relationship that has nothing going for itself? Why would you want to subject yourself to that for? You have a life to live and and the same time you have children you have to think about too and what this is doing to them as well. This relationship you are in is not healthy at all and I have to be honest with you, you have to get out before it get to much out of hand.

Now you found a new man that has giving something back to your life, and you feel alive again are you willing to throw that away just because you are not ready to give up what you got with the other? How could you be not sure of what your heart says for you to do? Personally I think my happiness with God, my children and the new man would come first before I continue to subject myself the indignity of more abuse from him.

Look at it this way life has so much to offer and I don't look at you nor am I judging you, but you needed this and that is so true in many cases when the opposite sex is not giving to the relationship like they are suppose to. I understand what you are going through because years ago before me any my husband worked out our differences I had an affair but it was out of wrong reasons but since then we made things work and we have children and we been together for 18 years. You needed to feel the warmth of another hand touching you and you needed to feel whole again and beautiful and it made you feel good, so that is all that matters, that you are feeling that good.

Listen I want you to look at yourself in the mirror and ask yourself what is it that I want? Is this really what I need or do I need more?
My dear you have a golden opportunity to make you and your children happy so do what needs to be done. Love and live that is the best answer I can give you, I hope my answer will help you make the sound choice that you need to have and most of all Love yourself and Love God too! Take care and good luck!

Answer 3

What kind of "advice" are you looking for? Someone to say, "have a great time"? No one with any character is going to justify your cheating. You say that your kids and you are the most important thing. Think again, it's not your kids that are the most important thing, if they were you'd have settled your problems with their father before you had the affair.

Now, their mother is a lying cheater, who they can never trust should they find out. Great moral teachings. I'm not judging here, those are the cold hard truths. Excuses are not justifications for what you are doing. Your morals are gone, don't blame your children's father, just look in the mirror.

Answer 4

Honey, you're using the old relationship for it's security and now you're using another man for a thrill. It's all about YOU isn't it??? I think you're selfish and you're going to get yourself in alot of trouble trying to walk the fence with this one. You don't even consider your children. If you want a new man, get out on your own and find one. Don't use the other guy as a babysitter. You must not feel too bad or you wouldn't be f--king around with someone else.

Answer 5

I think you have already made your choice once you slept with your friend. ( which I am not judging you) Why are you not ready to leave your husband when your relationship is so bad? If you don't even touch or talk to each other, what is holding you back? The Chose is Yours!!!!!

Hope you make the right decision for your family!

Answer 6

I guess you need to think about what is best for your kids first of all! Then you! If you're not happy then you need to make changes. Just make sure this new guy will treat your children well. Other than that, I say go for it. Life is way to short to wait for people to change and usually they don't. It winds up being a waste of even more time!

Answer 7

break it off for now. you'd said yu weren't ready for "another" relationship right? what do you consider the affair? you crossed the line or were taken advantage of by your friend(a friend wouldn't have had sex with you)when y'all hooked up! drop them both and start a life on your own. get some help, truely when your ready to start dating again you'll know

Answer 8

I can totally relate to what you are saying. Sex makes you feel so good, and wanted, and needed. Probably something you haven't felt in some time. Be careful not to mistake love and sex... It's a hard thing not to do. If you need to talk, drop me a line. I have lived it!

Answer 9

You've already jumped into another relationship - you cheating on your spouse and that really messes things up!
You get support from family and your women friends --- going to the outside man wasn't smart.... now you and him have done the deed and you've gotten yourself tangled up in his soothing words and loving arms... are you wanting to repair your marriage ? then you and your hubby get some marriage counseling and you stop seeing the other man - no contact!

Answer 10

Try to get the same from your husband. If you can't, move on but for your own good, stop seeing this other guy. If he knows you are married he is a loser and you shouldn't be with him anyway. Try your best to get it back with your spouse. It might just work out for you.