Ok here goes, I have been dating this man for a while now, he is legally separated and will be getting a divorce August 2, 2006. I have met his sons, and we have been getting along great. He works 12 hour shifts and juggles going to summer school and doing his internship and spending time with his boys. In the midst of this, he deals with family drama from his sisters on a daily basis. Which tends to roll over into our time. I am willing to accept the long hours and spending time with his sons, because one day they will be partly mine. We have discussed long term plans and building a family. But he has his faults. I have only asked him to respect me, be honest, be open, and don't play games. Well, he seems to have a problem with keeping plans, picking up the phone, and sometimes spending time with me. I know he has alot on his plate, but doesn't somebody's word mean anything anymore? It takes only 5 sec to call. Plus I have helped him get his work done. Help!!
2006-07-17 04:21:32 · 8 answers · asked by angel_fire_2149 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
If you really love this guy, then make it work. Tell him that what bothers you, but you have to remeber...guys are simple. Just sit down with him and (nicely) discuss the issues that are going on. If you seem to pushy or controlling about the situation, it tends to scare them away, but if you discuss it in a nice adult manor, they will do what they can to fix the situation. If after you do this and the situation is still not handled, then maybe this guy isn't ready for this relationship. Maybe he wasn't ready for his first and that's why it ended and maybe he's not ready for this one. But if you really love the guy and he does treat you good, and he has potential then fight for him. Make it work no matter what. Because I believe you only have true love once in your life...and it doesn't just fall in your lap like in movies. Both partners have to work to make the relationship last.
2006-07-17 04:33:21 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
My opinion(Just because I've been there) Is to let him get the divorce and all the other stuff out of the way before you invest anymore time in this man. If he is not giving you what you need right now its because he doesnt have what you need! If you feel like you deserve someones time and energy to make "you" feel special and he's not given you that-it wont get any better-I promise. You will be in the middle of this DRAMA for the rest of you life. With his sister, kids, ex-wife, and work. Right now you think you can live with this-but, it will get real old real fast. I promise. Don't settle if you are already having this many second guesses about a relationship with this man-then you light bulb should come on and let you know you need more! Tell him when he is ready to make you the top of his list maybe -if you aren't involved with anyone else- you will try this again. But, until then runnnnnnnn girl - you deserve better!
2006-07-17 11:40:28 · answer #2 · answered by ROOTER 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your first mistake is getting emotionally involved with a man who's emotional plate isn't clean yet. He's still in the midst of divorce. The odds are enormous that you're a crutch... a way for him to make the transition out of marriage with less anguish.
Your second mistake is to assume that he has the emotional energy to be there for you in a stable, reliable way. He just doesn't. It's not that he forgets to call, or doesn't have time. He doesn't have the emotional energy to deal with you right then. Especially if the conversation is going to be a "disappointment" to you (bad news, broken dates, etc.)
Your third mistake is unrealistic expectations. It doesn't just take "five sec" to call. It takes more time than that even for a quick hello. It takes a lot more energy. The guy is totally overloaded, and your now making demands too. You equate his being busy, or distracted or unable to cater to you to be a lack of respect, dishonest and game playing. Exhaustion (physical, mental or emotional) is not dishonorable. It's human.
You won't like my answer, but... you're high maintenance. You're asking him to write checks his heart. mind and body can't cash, then punishing him when they bounce. Even as vulnerable as he is right now, keep it up and he will dump you cold.
2006-07-17 11:39:35 · answer #3 · answered by antirion 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you know he has a lot on his plate then why are serving up more helpings? Yeah, it doesn't take much time to call someone but it sounds like this guy is really busy. i don't see how he has time for a good relationship. Maybe you two should wait on a full blown relationship.
2006-07-17 11:33:05 · answer #4 · answered by sleeplessdreamer 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
GIRL YOU NEED TO GET USE TO HIM NOT CALLING, JUST BECAUSE HE DOESN'T CALL DOESN'T MEAN HE DOES NOT LOVE YOU SOME GUYS ARE LIKE THAT THEY JUST DON'T CALL. THE FAMILY THING IS ACCEPTABLE I MEAN IF MY HUSBAND DIDN'T LIKE ME HELPING MY FAMILY WITH WHATEVER I COULD THEN HE SHOULD LEAVE BECAUSE THAT IS MY FAMILY AND WE ARE ALWAYS THERE FOR EACH OTHER. MAYBE YOU ARE BEING TO HARD ON HIM GIVE HIM SOME SPACE SO THIS WAY YOU ARE NOT ALWAYS LIKE WHY ISN'T HE CALLING, WHY DOESN'T HE WANT TO SPEND TIME AND STUFF LIKE THAT.
GOOD LUCK!!
2006-07-17 11:32:32 · answer #5 · answered by ~Ms Eli~ 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Seems to be that you are sorely underappreciated, but he may jsut be really busy. Guys get stressed out too. I would wait unti things calm down more, and then see how he treats you beofre you jump to conclusions or down his throat.
2006-07-17 11:31:20 · answer #6 · answered by heatherdrake2005 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
sounds like he's using you as ababysitter for him as well as the kids
2006-07-17 11:25:29 · answer #7 · answered by buzy_bee_21 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He's not a good catch.
2006-07-17 12:29:09 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋