I have thousands of photographs from the time I was a child. When my husband and I moved in, I naturally brought them with me. They are in messy boxes and all of the years are mixed up. I was in three serious relationships before I got married, and there are some pictures from those times in my life in those boxes. My husband wants me to burn them/throw them out.
I don't know why he wants me to toss them. Does my ex-beau from college make him jealous? I don't think that I should have to destroy the pictures, after all, they're pictures of places I have traveled when I was young.
I said I would remove the pics from the house, and box them at my parents. He said it wasn't good enough.
He TOOK about a shoebox full and refuses to return them. This happened a year ago, and it's obviously a sensitive issue. The box has many pictures of my family, friends, and my dead grandmother. Yes, old boyfriends too, but who has time to separate them all?
HELP!
2006-07-17 03:45:39 · 26 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I think that the past is the past. We can't erase them, but they do exist. We should be able to keep pics and even discuss old times freely with our spouse. Our spouse should be able to do the same. I am sorry, but I have a real problem with someone taking something that does not belong to them. A marriage or a relationship is a sharing of lives........it is not an ownership. It should be with respect at all times. To me this is just plain common sense. Your spouse should seek some counciling. He has the right to be uncomfortable and should voice that to you and the two of you talk about it and you have the opportunity to help him with his insecurities. But under no circumstances does he have the right to take pictures and not give them back. To allow this to go own and not be dealt with will only make him worse in future as far as being controlling. We should never flaunt our past but we should be able to visit it when we wish by pictures and such. I would encourage you to get him some counciling with some mediation involved.
2006-07-17 04:00:44 · answer #1 · answered by takeitslow4now 1 · 2⤊ 2⤋
Well, it looks your husband is lacking self confidence and is feeling insecure. You should not have to delete your previous memories just because you got married. I realize this can be a disconnect with your past and what the heck, you did have a life before him. Chances are you wouldn't ask him to throw out all his old pictures. However, You should make him feel secure and make sure he knows that he is the one and only. People that do this are also controlling and have a grandiose attitude, but it is a self esteem problem and a way of covering up their insecurities. If he can't get over this and has made a huge issue out of this. Then you have to rise above and get rid of the pictures or it can result in a huge distraction to your marriage and even divorce. It seems like there maybe a need for a marriage consuler, but, he probably will not go. Good Luck!!!
2006-07-17 04:04:42 · answer #2 · answered by 345Grasshopper 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do not bug your husband about the pictures he has. In time he might give them back. As for the pictures you have now, box them up and take them to your parents home. Sounds like your newly married. When my husband and I were newly married we both felt insecure about each others past. I didn't ask my husband to get rid of his pictures because I had pictures I also wanted to keep. We have been married over 10 years now. I still out of respect for my husband do not get these pictures out not unless I am in Private or if he ask to see one. Do not let this become an issue in your marriage. What is worth more. Your past or your marriage?
2006-07-17 04:26:18 · answer #3 · answered by make the momma crazy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Permitted?
Truthfully there are a couple of issues. Insecurity is a dog! It can kill any relationship even if strong on so many other levels. Now it's old pics of people not in your life but definitely still have some sort of hold on you. Tomorrow it's a co-worker that you are forced to work with.
Why would you keep accessible to him knowing it's a sensitive issue? Step back, why would you keep them?
I think your situation is unfortunately a little deeper than pics in a box.
2006-07-17 03:51:25 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Does he have any pictures of "exs" around the house? My husband does and it doesn't bother me at all. I have a photo album of old male friends and boyfriends from high school. Sounds to me like he's insecure, selfish and authoratative. Marriage is 50/50. Don't want to sound like a broken record, but it seems to me he could use some counseling. But then again, maybe you could too. Why the need to keep the photos? A reminder of the past, momentos, memories? Try to help your husband understand that that's all they are.
2006-07-17 03:53:49 · answer #5 · answered by RRWoman 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He's being childish. This was a part of your life and they were YOUR PICTURES. If you aren't hanging them on the wall or staring at them all the time then there is no good reason except insecurity and jealousy on your husband's part.
Tell him you want your pictures back and you have decided to keep them at mom's since he's so sensitive about them.
2006-07-17 03:52:37 · answer #6 · answered by R J 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I used to have old pictures of exes, but when I met my husband, he told me he didn't keep any pictures of his exes - and I decided to follow suit. There are times that I would love to see those pictures again, but it's also about letting the past go. Out of respect for him, you should do what he wants. He will be grateful and the issue will be resolved.
2006-07-17 03:53:46 · answer #7 · answered by Rachel 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, these are memories, a large part of who you are...perhaps not 3 dozen pictures of the men, but perhaps one or two of each special relationship would be ok. Do not allow your husband to keep the shoebox...you are setting a dangerous precedent.
2006-07-17 03:49:29 · answer #8 · answered by rrrevils 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you were serious & you said they were, I would to say no & agree with him. How would you like a picture of his ex-wife in his wallet? If he had one.
Male pride & he are more important than some pictures of old flames that did not work out. It depends are the photos more important or is he. If the answer is the photos, dump him. I would burn every photo in my house including of my children & grandchildren for my husband. 33 yrs of marriage & understanding photos are paper, husband keeps you warm at night.
2006-07-17 03:51:50 · answer #9 · answered by Wolfpacker 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
i can understand him feeling jealous about this issue, pictures are paper reminders of memories in our minds. the pictures are in your mind and on paper. they're not in his mind, they are just paper to him. perhaps you should be respectful of him and take those photos out and put them away somewhere that is personal and private. to you it is memories, for him it is pictures of you with another man's arms around u. I don't think you should have to throw them away, but i think you should not have them where he can find them or run across them. and if you don't have any private place, and they are really that important to you.. then try a bank safe deposite box. just an idea.
2006-07-17 03:52:58 · answer #10 · answered by KAJ81 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋