when i invite people over they dont show up, or they invite me over and not him, or they don't invite us at all. nobody wants to do things with us. I NEVER had this problem before I was with him.
He isn't a terrible person, but has a strange personallity. I wonder if I can love him, why can't other people at least tolerate him. For my sake at least.
2006-07-17 03:43:41 · 12 answers · asked by ladyjno7 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Friends
Alot of people don't like the he has treated me in the past. No, he is not abusive. he cheated on me. And he is sort of a "why shold i help you, what have you done for me?" type person.
2006-07-17 03:50:39 · update #1
If he's just "weird" then I think you need to find friends with more tolerance.
If he's "creepy" (hits on women, makes awkward eye contact) or is just plain mean then no one should have to put up with him - even if they care about you (and you shouldn't want to put them through that, either).
Can you define "strange personality"? It might help.
**
He seems smug and impolite - to say the very least. While I would like to say your family/friends need to get over themselves and learn to forgive him, as you did, and allow you to make your own decisions and mistakes, I can't.
People make mistakes, I know that, you know that, your family knows that. He CHEATED on you (HELLO RED FLAG) and yet continues to act in an asenine fashion around people you supposedly care about. If he loved you and truly felt remorse he would do everything in his power to change their opinion of him - he'd be more than amiable, he'd be downright nice (oh wow go figure!).
His "what have you done for me additude" needs to go, and you should ask him to try and be more polite around your friends and family. If he refuses, and not forgetting your history, do you really want to be with a man who doesn't care enough to try and get along with those who have known you forever? Those who will surely be there long into the future awaiting with a good dose of "I told you so."
Bottom line, he seems like a jerk and I don't blame your family. They want what's best for you; he's shown himself unworthy in the past and he's given them NO REASON to believe he's changed or committed to you now and into the future.
Hope this helped; God speed.
2006-07-17 03:47:25 · answer #1 · answered by G_Elisabeth 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
When you say "strange personality"..this can range from anything to having a dark sense of humor, which some people abhor, to having Turrettes Syndrome...'nuff said there.
You don't give much to go on. What I'd suggest..and I'm not a shrink or anything..your question just caught my interest. Anyway...try and work your way into a few social settings, maybe with people you don't know that well. Whatever..you get my drift..just wiggle your way into a few settings where you have to sit around and be social. Then...I would pay super close attention to what your fiance says and does..and MOST importantly..pay even closer attention to the reaction of those around him. This may sound silly..but if you remember the old Sienfeld show..they had the "close talker" the "low talker" etc. Does your boyfriend invade personal space? Comfortable personal space for most people is 3-4 feet (unless forced into it such as on a bus or trolley) When your boyfriend talks to people does he get real close and in their face? This can send people running for the hills.
Is he super smart and tends to talk about subjects that are so far out there that everyone feels like sitting in a corner with a dunce cap? It could be a million things. I'd go back to my game plan though. Get in a setting...take mental notes when your "subjects" cringe, say "LOOK AT THE TIME and run, and/or recoil into their seat with that "good lord!" look on there face. Once you know what your man to be is doing that is sending the rest of the population for the exits..then you can work with him on correcting, altering or eliminating those traits from his repertiore.
All of this is predicated on the possibility that he just needs a tweak or two. You yourself said he "had a strange personality". Some strange personalites can be molded, like clay...other require lithium. You need to find out fast whether some time on the potters wheel is gonna do it..or if it's more serious. Good luck.
2006-07-17 11:00:35 · answer #2 · answered by mark c 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe they sense something about him, that is closed to you because your emotions are clouding your judgment.
I lost some friends when I married a woman people felt strange about. Turned out they were right. Thinking back, I should have dumped her and run like hell.
Some of the things you say about him, would make me very leery, but it's your life, and you'll have to live with your decision, no one else. I sure hope you won't live to regret this.
2006-07-17 10:57:28 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Talk to your friends about it. Ask them why (specifically) he's not welcome around them. Strange is one thing, most people can at least tolerate that...is he obnoxious or vulgar or really bizarre? What is it about him that makes others so uncomfortable? If they are REALLY friends they'll be straight up with you, and at least make an effort to be cordial or civil to him at an occasional get together.
If they don't want to be around him, that is their right...perhaps you'll have to make the choice to not take him when you spend time with them, which will also likely mean you'll see them less. Ya can't make them like him...maybe over time if they see how happy you are to be with him, they'll warm up to him a bit...
2006-07-17 10:49:35 · answer #4 · answered by . 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Haha....
When NOBODY likes your fiance or bf or husband - TAKE A HINT! There is obviously something about him that is not fun to be around.
You yourself even admit he has a personality problem - so you answered your own question. He isn't going to change...so the question is...are you willing to deal with your friends/family reaction to him for the rest of your life?
Also...if one of your friends was engaged to a creep who you despised...and you never invited him over - would you think your opinion of him is wrong, or she is just dating the wrong type of guy?
Most of the time, friends perceptions of your partner is dead on - we just can't admit it.
2006-07-17 10:49:12 · answer #5 · answered by Nightwish 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe you should ask them why they don't like him? Tell them that your a package deal and the invites should be as a couple not only you. Maybe you can also talk to your fiancee and ask him to try to fit in at social occasions. Compromise is key!
2006-07-17 10:47:12 · answer #6 · answered by shae 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
normally your friends would step in and explain the problem if they aren't maybe they don't want to put your new guy down it would hurt your feelings i would confront them and tell em that u need to know the truth i went though the same thing my friends hated my b.f. but didn't tell me untill he cheated then it was too late so make sure they now your not going to be mad at them for telling you what they think
2006-07-17 10:49:18 · answer #7 · answered by Jess 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
make new friends together that likes the both of you since he's part of your life now
2006-07-17 10:49:13 · answer #8 · answered by playful 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it want happen girl, there is something about him , an nothing u say are do will help. i have the same problemn, so we dont go any where ,
2006-07-17 10:47:57 · answer #9 · answered by cris 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
oh, i have kinda the same issue... but you know, i told people he wasnt going anywhere, so accept him, as he is now me.
2006-07-17 10:47:23 · answer #10 · answered by chocolate_krys2000 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋