I'm from the feminist mind that it's a woman's choice to change her name, while my husband is more old-school.
I think this is a way he tries to control me.
I use this hypenated name for professional purposes...everyone from college and grad school knows me by my maiden name...
He was mad at our wedding when the dj announced Mr. ___ and Mrs. ____ (last name) rather than Mr. and Mrs. ____ (last name)
I think he is using this issue as a pawn to piss me off...
A name is a huge part of our identities...
Why do women have to change. I understand the whole history behind this...BUT he's not a rich landowner who gave my parents a dowry!
2006-07-17 03:37:43 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
heres what you can do. change ur name but make ur middle name ur maiden name. alot of woman i know have done this when they got married, that way then can keep thier maiden name in part of thier name.
hope this helps you
2006-07-17 03:44:32 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 2⤋
I've been married 8 years, and we never changed my last name. On legal documents, I use my name, but family & friends know me by both names.
I think it's a choice that both people should agree on. Being married is about compromise, and making sure both people are comfortable in the marriage. If something as small as a name is this big of an issue, then maybe there are other problems in the marriage that are making it not work.
2006-07-17 03:43:05 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Whoa! - Do you EVER have issues! Do what you do already; it's a little strange that you are asking for comments about this if you are so strong-minded about this. Not changing your name doesn't make you a feminist. I think friends and family are smart enough to follow a name change, when that's what someone wants. When I got married and we had this discussion, my husband had the best solution - either his last name, or he was willing to change to my maiden name - but to have only one name, for the sake of our future children. We went with his name. No regrets!
2006-07-17 03:48:11 · answer #3 · answered by Lydia 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do not change your name. Keep your identity. There is nothing wrong with that. You are and individual not property.
If he does not like it then he will have to get used to or you can come to some compromise.
Legal hell if you get a divorce in the future. Think of all the documents and the money you will have to spend change it back.
No I am not a feminist.
2006-07-17 03:55:28 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You said "it is a huge part of our identities". Maybe he feels you are not fully committed since you do not want to take his name. Also, male friends can be ruthless in teasing on that too. My doctor kept both names for professional reasons but says when she retires she will drop her maiden name.
In the USA, it is pretty much expected that the woman will take her husband's last name. I did & have never regretted it, I am proud to be called his name. I also remind people of my maiden name at every opportunity - email name & all kinds of ways.
2006-07-17 03:49:22 · answer #5 · answered by Wolfpacker 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Some men just cannot deal with their wife hyphenating. I don't think is necessarily a control issue, I think its a pride issue. The upside is, you can do whatever you want! He will get over it. If you want to hyphenate, do it. It's your name isn't it? Good luck with this, I know its stressful, but in the end, it's YOUR choice.
2006-07-17 03:41:29 · answer #6 · answered by Girl 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I predict a divorce within 10 years of marriage....maybe 5. Because if this is already an issue, you all are going down in a tail spin.
Man, I wouldn't want to be married to you. You sound like a complete jackhole.
2006-07-17 03:46:57 · answer #7 · answered by Fishgutts 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
It's just showing him respect. Men need that. He's not trying to control you. You shouldn't contain your identity in your name but rather your character. Names, in the end, mean nothing...it's what's behind it...who you are, what you have done with your life that will live on. Try a compromise.
2006-07-17 03:42:18 · answer #8 · answered by beckam 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I understand where you are coming from.I dont like my partners last name... I would go with a hyphenated name persoanlly and ask him if he would like to also..Because my guy and I cannnot agree on a name I would like us both to have hyphenated names. He can have "mine-his" and I will have "his-mine". That way I feel both parties in the relationship are equally recognised..as it should be.
2006-07-17 03:57:47 · answer #9 · answered by timberleigh 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He is being unfair, and you are within your rights. However, is it THAT big of a deal to you, to have your husband that upset? What is the big picture here? What is your long term goal? I think it odd that you did not have this settled prior to your wedding day.
2006-07-17 03:40:37 · answer #10 · answered by rrrevils 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hmmm Well, first of all, you both should have sit down and have a talk.. instead of making each other furious. Yes, IT IS YOUR CHOICE to keep your last name.. or your-his.. or his.. I was going to have mine-his but that would make my name sooooo dammmm longggggg... so I changed it to his.
2006-07-17 07:15:28 · answer #11 · answered by AzNgUrL 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋