I'm going through what I thought was a straightforward divorce, till my ex started playing 'head games', not just with me, but with my daughter as well. Is this normal, or am I just unlucky to have married a vindictive, manipulative witch.?
2006-07-17 03:23:39 · 15 answers · asked by Joe 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
As a manager of a law firm that has handled hundreds of divorces over the years I have to say that it's about 50/50.
In some cases the woman is the really nasty spiteful one scratching his car, cutting up his clothes, calling the new g/f all sorts of obscenities etc etc.
In other cases it's the guy being deliberately difficult and pestering her (with guys the most usual situation is that they CANNOT handle rejection... they just refuse to believe that they're not wanted anymore - pathetic really). They often alternate from crying down the phone to threatening to kill either themselves or her (or both!).
If you're getting the "head game" treatment then I'm afraid it is fairly common... and it often doesn't stop after the divorce is finalised either... there are still birthdays, Christmas, anniversaries AND of course if you have children still living at home there are countless opportunities to dispute who has them when, where they go to school, what they do when they're with the other party etc etc.... all situations where either party (not just the guy, I'm afraid) can stir the whole thing up, open all the old wounds and generally make the other person's life a misery.
In some cases one or other party is a real victim (not always the woman!)... in others they really deserve each other and the only thing that makes me really angry is when they play tug-of-war with the kids, each poisoning the mind of the children against the other, forgetting that the kids probably love both parents equally and are being really screwed up by all this. I don't care what adults do to each other as long as it's not violent but leave the kids out of it!
And in other cases both parties actually remember they are grown-ups and behave in a civilised manner throughout.
We had one case where the couple agreed everything in advance in a very sensible and civilised manner except who had the family cat... and they went to court solely over who had custody of the cat and things got really aggressive over this stupid animal which actually didn't seem that bothered itself who it ended up with. Can't remember who got the cat in the end but I think it died shortly after!
[and for the answerer who says it's a lawyers job to get the parties to argue as much as possible... the rate of pay for Legal Aid divorce (most of our work) is FIXED by the Government... the more arguments, the more letters exchanged and work done, the smaller our profit - so it's actually in our interests to make everything happen smoothly. We also don't enjoy watching people tear each other apart and most lawyers are signed up to a protocol which advocates the conciliatory approach to all divorce matters which includes, whenever possible, use of mediation to get the parties to settle their differences with minimal intervention from lawyers]
2006-07-17 03:30:48 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 6⤊ 0⤋
What I usually hear is that women often don't get as much as they could in a divorce. On the other side, I have also heard that they can be a real pain (like, I am sure, men can). So, don't know really. If the divorce was initiated by you, then maybe she is looking for some sort of revenge.
I believe going through a "smooth" divorce is quite a challenge.
Both parties have to see everyone's interest: their own + the others', and be willing to come up to something sensible. Not easy when your emotions are all over the place (she might not be a witch, just a bit traumatised...).
I have not divorced myself. Yet.
Btw, if they are lawyers involved (sorry to the lawyers here), it is their job to make sure you argue as much as poss., since that's how they make their living (so I have heard)... follow me?
Good luck. Won't be easy anyway... but you'be fine in the end.
2006-07-17 07:26:52 · answer #2 · answered by Claire 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She will try to make you as miserable as possible. Why? I don't know. My wife and I separated, then she filed for divorce, all her idea. I had not cheated, said anything bad, nor touched her in any way harmful. She said she just wanted to get on with her life. The kids wanted to stay with her (she was always home, so I couldn't argue with that), so I let them have everything in the house when they moved out. The only thing left was my sports card collection, the bills for everything, and an old used recliner. She wasn't happy with that, even tried to go after my cards at the divorce hearing. There's just something about an ex that turns mean during divorce. Maybe it is the influence of their friends, who knows. But she was okay after it was all done. So hopefully, it'll be a phase and pass for you.
2006-07-17 03:37:28 · answer #3 · answered by fishing66833 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
yes she is a vindictive manipulative witch. i havent been in the situation, and heavens forbid i hope i never need to go thru a divorce in this lifetime but its such a real shame that your ex-wife has to play these games especially involving your daughter aswell. thats is cruel. divorces are a horrible thing that children have to go through - they could really do without the head games, from either party.
2006-07-17 04:06:19 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Actually I am female and it is my ex partner who is being manipulative and nasty unless he gets everything his way! But just for the record, if there are children involved, the women usually benefit more than the males. Divorce is messy, even the straightforward ones. You cannot be friendly through it, at least I don't know anyone who has.
2006-07-17 03:43:11 · answer #5 · answered by snow.-.angel 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
As a divorced man I can say that women tend to be vindictive in a divorce. I hope you have a good lawyer. The woman usually has the advantage legally.
2006-07-17 03:29:00 · answer #6 · answered by ringocox 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Women are bitches and they get there claws in especially when they have been score or they think they have got the raw deal. Not all women are like this but the majority I know that have gone thru a divorce or separation were. You should talk to your x and explain that what she is doing is effecting your daughter and you will noe except it, she's only doing it cause she thinks she can get away with it.
2006-07-17 04:26:57 · answer #7 · answered by red lyn 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Want to know how to get your ex back? Change yourself. Don't worry about changing other people, worry about changing yourself. Go to https://tr.im/ZRaF1
Once you do that then you can start to worry about getting back together with your ex, other wise you will find that you are fighting about all the same things and getting no where. Do what it takes and I promise things will work out in your favor.
The funny thing is I came to the realization that I had to change a little too late. After I was kicked out and after I was about to lose the only things that truly mattered to me - her love. A funny thing happens when we truly love someone and lose them. We do what ever it takes to get them back. For me I had to drop bad habits that had caused not only our relationship to sour but practically every other relationship I had had in the past. Not only with women, but with friends, co-workers, family, you name it.
Which is why I say to you as my ex at the time said to me, the only thing you can do is change yourself. Work on yourself and improve on the person that you already are. Drop the negative things in your life that don't belong there and you will see all of your relationships start to take off to new heights.
2016-04-28 10:50:15 · answer #8 · answered by cortney 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Nope sounds like a normal divorce.
2006-07-17 03:36:50 · answer #9 · answered by ltlwzl 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Women are more aggressive in all aspects of life but we can't live without the lovely creatures.
2006-07-17 06:13:08 · answer #10 · answered by pig m 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋