Is this wrong of me?

Question

My husband and I have known each other 3 years, been married nearly 1. I'm 28, he's 36. When I first met him, he was a pastry chef but has since taken on a dining room manager position, which is fine and more money. He is always telling me to come up and eat at the restaurant, but I don't want to. My mom and I went one time just before we got married, and I felt uncomfortable. I don't want to be around his co-workers or have to go through constant introductions while there. He's been there over a year and has invited me to the company Christmas party, New Years Eve party, and always suggests my mom and I should come - but I always tell him no thanks. I don't want to bother him while he is at work. My mom says he is so proud of me and wants everybody to know who his wife is - but I'm a shy person and I don't like to put myself in that kind of limelight. Is it OK that I don't go? I think it's nice on my part that I leave him alone while he is working.

The reason I didn't go to the Christmas party is that my aunt cut her finger that day and my mom and I went to the hospital to be with her. By the time we got her home and settled, it was getting late - and I had work early the next morning.

I have told him why I don't want to go and he said I would never be a bother to him. He is sad that I don't go, but he accepts my decision and is OK with it.

Answer 1

I'm totally with you on this one. My spouse also works in a restaurant and asks me to come up to 'visit'. It's difficult to visit someone who is working, and I don't really like sitting there by myself. Going through all the introductions is a pain because I don't really care, and it's hard to remember when you get a bunch of names all at once.

I would explain your feelings, and tell him if he wants you to enjoy the restaurant, he's welcome to bring home carry out for you. :)

Answer 2

He obviously loves you and is very proud that you are his wife. He want's you to 1)see his world, 2)share some of what he enjoys with you, 3)show you how good he is at his job and 4)probably show you off a little. The best thing (and often most difficult) to do in any relationship, especially marriage, is to be honest. Share your fears with him. If you're married, he probably already knows you are shy. Tell him that, but also compromise. See if it's okay to not attend every function, but maybe one or two. Go to the restaurant on a slow nite/afternoon and meet a few people instead of everyone. Only stay for 15 minutes at a time. Take your mom with you; she may add to your comfort. I know it's hard, but you both have to compromise a bit and understand where the other person is coming from.

Answer 3

You really should go. As his wife you should at least stand by his side at company events such as Christmas and New Year's parties. You need to put away the shyness and be supportive of your husband. It's honestly selfish to disappoint him or make him feel that you don't want to visit his work, all because you are shy. And with your mother by your side, you should be more comfortable and could go. And who says you wil have to go through numerous introductions while you are there? Let your husband know that this is what makes you uncomfortable, the attention from co-workers part, and tell him you'd be happy to make HIM happy by going, as long as he made sure it was low-key and not a big to-do. But this is your man, your husband. He's not asking much of you, plus, it'll be free dinner, right? lol Don't let somehting like this, somehting so trivial, cause any issues in your relationship. He obviously loves you and just wants to spend a little more time with you. :-) Good luck.

Answer 4

I think you should go & meet his co-workers.
Your husbands work is a HUGE part of his life & you should be more supportive.

You should at the very least attend the Xmas Party & other social events. You will not be in the "limelight" for long, once you get it over with. Bring your Mom if that makes you more comfortable.

You don't want your hubby always being alone at these gathering, women take notice of these things, if you know what I mean!

Answer 5

You are so wrong its not even funny. You really need to go and eat there just to atleast let him know you support him an his career. If you truly love him you should want to be near him as much as he wants or you may lose him to another more out going woman who just may be working with him. That would be another reason to go and visit him at work to i gues for lack of a better idea scare off all of the hens that make be roosting near by your husband. All I can say is a little bit of attention will go a long way and if love him a visit once a week will keep him happy and happy is a good thing.

Answer 6

Shyness can be a pain in the butt sometimes, but honey, you need to drop by and visit with your husband at his job. You don't have to do it for a whole meal, say drop by for dessert one day. The Christmas party is a must! If you start dropping by a couple of times-then you would be familiar with some of this co-workers, then the parties wouldn't be so stressful for you. I truly understand why you feel uncomfortable, but this is important to him, so please make an effort to try. Ask your husband not to make a big deal of it when you do come by the restaurant, you said he understood, so he should have no problem with it. Take your Mother and a friend so you won't be the center of attention. You can do this, it's part of the job of being a good wife,and supporting your husband. So, put on something pretty and call your Mom and a friend-and go surprise him! Please do this and make your husband's day! God bless...

Answer 7

He is extending a kindness. How do you like it when you try to extend a kindness to someone and they refuse?

Yes, you should go to the restaurant and eat. He obviously wants and needs you there or he wouldn't keep asking you to go. I think it's a support thing. Husbands and wives support each other not only through words, but through their actions. Your actions, which speak a lot louder than words, show that you don't care.

You've made this all about YOU, when it's not. Get over the selfishness. Make it all about him. Get over your shyness. It's not like he's asking you to be there everyday 24/7. He's proud of what he does and probably proud of you. Let him share that pride with you. Don't deny him that opportunity.

Show your husband some support and get your butt to that restaurant.

Answer 8

Office Christmas Parties and New Years Eve parties can be a bit wild so I'm a bit surprised that he would invite your mother also. I understand how you feel about it though because my wife is a bit shy also but after a few drinks you'd likely loosen up and have a good time, I'd recommend going. Perhaps a drink or two before going would put you more at ease with the situation.

Answer 9

As his wife, you should most definitely go for things like Christmas parties and New Year's Eve parties. I understand you not wanting to go just to go, but for special occasions, yes, you should be there for him. It's nice of you to give him his space, but it seems to me that he wants you around and girl, that is a wonderful thing. I understand that you are shy, but marriage is also about compromise. So....you compromise for him sometimes and go on special occasions (like Christmas) and maybe for dinner once a month and he can compromise with you, by not expecting you to come all the time. Hope this helped a little. Good luck sweetie.

Answer 10

Talk to him about it.

Also, he is also proud of his work and wants to show his work to you - have you thought of that? You can ask him not to introduce you to more than three people at a time, or one person, or something like that, so that he gets his pleasure, and you don't get intruded upon so much.

About the parties... if he invites you, I think you ought to go. Those are organized for socializing, and as he is the manager, he should be able to set the example. sorry, that's the way it works, more money, more responsibilities.

Answer 11

Well if you don't feel comfortable then try to discuss with your hubby at home and let him know what you like and what you don't.Still if he insist you to come over there and he feel nice when you visit there then you must go there for making him happy,you should take care of his feelings too.
You know love is like give and take policy if you give him love in return you will get back a lot of love from your hubby.
So all the best for your married life.God bless you.