Married No Sex, Too Much Porn for my Husband?

Question

Been married for 8 years with 2 kids. Our sex life has deteriorated drastical for the last five years, am initiating it when I need it but rarely will my husband do it. Since my 1st pregnancy which he kept giving excuse to avoid sex. When I need my 2nd child I asked for it, after that were many month of no sex. Am now sexualy starved for the last 5 months. Have thought of extra mariatal affair but I have no gut to do it. I love my husband very much. Initially we used to have sex many times a week but now we go for months and this really stresses me and I wonder how long will this continue. Am going to my 30s and to women this is prime time for their sex but I dont think he will be there for me. Do I look for someone to have sex with coz i dont want to break my marriage. He watches to much porn and I wonder who he practices with what he sees coz not with me. I have reduced my size from 16 to 14, changed my cloth and I know am attractive coz I get asked out by other men. Advice

Answer 1

How you handle this situation depends upon your own personal beliefs. Ask yourself, if the tables were turned and your husband wanted to find a lover on the side, how would you feel?
If your personal beliefs include a strong sense of morality then you already know the answer about having an affair.
As for your husband, sit down and have a serious talk with him. It sounds like you have made a concerted effort to make yourself more desirable and if he's not responding then you need to find out why. A weekend away without the kid is just a temporary solution. The heart of the matter needs to be resolved for long term continuance of your marriage. What motivates him to watch porn? Does he find you unattractive in another sense such as intellectually or has the sex just not been up to his expectations?
At the risk of sounding crass, perhaps you should learn some new techniques for bedroom play.
Should you decide to have an affair it may hurt the both of you permanently. A better approach is to find out if he wishes to continue the marriage before you start looking around for someone else. This not only prevents resentment and hurt feelings but it does not give him anything to go on should, heaven forbid, a divorce be eminent.

Answer 2

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Answer 3

You guys have reached the point of no return...or have you? If you really want to regain your husband's interest (and I think you do), you have to put it all on the line. You have to be willing to do things you wouldn't normally do. Reverse psychology almost always works. The first thing you'll need is a vibrator and the second is will power...lots of it. You'll need these things because for the next couple of weeks - months even, you will not ask your husband to have sex with him, you will not seem like you miss having sex with him and you will make it seem as though you don't even care that he watches porn because you have other things going on. After this drought, wait until you both are in bed just laying there or reading or something and just start masturbating right next to him. If this doesn't turn him on, he's either too far gone or just plain gay now. But, if it does turn him on, tell him he's not allowed to touch you. People always want what they can't have. A man could have the most beautiful wife but anything gets old after a while. You have to make him work for it like he did when you guys first hooked up. There are a number of other things you can try but you risk pushing him further away. These things are; get a sexy personal trainer and spend lots of time working out and come home too exhausted for him, wake him up with oral...good oral not the imitation. You can also (and this is ultimately what he wants) tell him that you would love to witness him having sex with another woman! But as I've learned myself, women who actually do this to keep their husbands, end up losing him anyway. If all this doesn't work, divorce is always an option. You're still very young and it doesn't pay to be unhappy! I totally understand how you feel as I once was your husband so I also understand how he feels. He's bored, he feels trapped...you need to spark some excitement or you'll lose him forever!

Answer 4

Hold fast not to be disrespectful is he GAY? Really maybe he has secret in his closet~ Honey investigate~ Really guys are not honest with the wives and be living second lives. I feel as though once you are married its no need to tell me No unless, my visitor is visiting. As they say to us, if we have a headache, we do not even need to mess with your head. OKAY~ Well for a guy all you need to do is get it up and we will do the rest~ But if he is not coming onto you and he is not initiating anything first then there is reason to believe that he is having an affair or he is GAY~ I do not know of many males who just fornicate over PORN~ If they got in house coochie right there~ I say burn the porn or get your self together and MOVE ON. And you have dropped down a size~ Come on sweetie its not you. U gave this man a child and he is not loving you right. Request for counseling and if he denys then give him a time frame as to hey, you need to fix us or we will fix itself~ U do not have to cheat cause we do not play even. WE are older and we are mature we will reason and dip. Meaning give his but a DEAR JOHN letter and let him know when you get your act together maybe it will not be too late but if not then its and it was his fault~ SEPARATE~ That's not a healthy marriage~ U go girl for losing a size and you do not need a man to make you feel like a woman. But we do need the penis so damn him for cutting off the MEAT~

Answer 5

Sweeite, me inital response is to communicate this problem with your husband, as much as I or anyone else can respond to your question nothing will be like hearing it directly from the horses mouth. After talking to him and straightening things out and please don't cheat! Try new sex ositions, go to a local sex shop together adn get crazy. Life is too short and your too young to be having droughts!!! Be adventurous, new things to trigger that flame once again. Try striping for him, don't be shy its your man, remember that! Dance erotically with cand;es try belly danicng, ect. Have fun with it and with more communcation you'll see that magic will be there in no time! Sometimes in life you must play the role of the whore so that your husband doesn't seek the need to find a real whore, ha ha ha Have funa dn good luck, God Bless

Answer 6

I have the same problem .... after 10 years I finally broke down and found a lover ... she was in the same boat too...weve been lovers for 10 yrs now ... niether of us want to leave our spouses ... the sex is great ... Im sorry it takes 2 wemen to fill my needs but i would rather have this than no sex at all or have been divorced and not get to be with my kids everyday ....it was a hard decision to make ...but Im sure if I hadnt we would have been divovorced by now .... life isnt always easy

Answer 7

Pls don't go for extramarital affairs. This will break your family, atleast for the sake of your kids. This is a temporary thing which u will regret later. Try talking to him directly and tell him what u expect of him. This is the best way.

Answer 8

Poor woman. I hate seeing a woman in need of loving.. Try to talk to him and give him a chance to explain him self.. send the kids away with the grandparents and get some alone time. if he doesn't seem interested then something is up and you should seek help. but don't cheat, if he loves you as much as you love him you will be able to work it out.. another thing get rid of his porn, (but you can use it to your advantage, heres a plan: record your self doing "intimate" acts and put it somewhere he will see it (but the kids won't find it).. (this would be a good time to hid his porn), but once he sees you recorded he'll be eager to give it to you. (but make sure you say to the camera "since you don't wanna give it to me, I have to give it to myself")- this shoule make him really intrested in some love making... i hope it works.. i really hate seeing a woman i need..

Answer 9

Talk to him. Ask what is on his mind. Also dont have a affair. I found out in 1994 my dad was having a affraid and that broke up my family and the dirvoce was really ugly.

Answer 10

It looks like it might be time for the two of you to go away together. Get a sitter for your children and plan an evening at the local hotel, Maybe make the plans and tell him to meet you there, It worked for me