Husband doesn't know if he loves me, what do I do, we have kids?

Question

we have been arguing about stupid stuff for a while and been under pressure with kids and he works away sometimes. We've recently moved so I don't know anyone very well and he says he needs time to think but thinks he may not be in love anymore. I feel sick with worry

Our kids are 3 and 1, we have been married for 3 years, together for 6. I love him , hate argueing but feel we've been under stresses that have spoilt us

Answer 1

get away from the stress and work things out. Maybe see a counselor. Love is not romance or lust or infatuation: it's better or worse, rich or poor, sick or healthy. Your hubby needs to grow up.

Answer 2

Right now from what you unexpectally heard from him, you are in denial about how he could not love you no more. You are thinking about how possibly he could of falling out of love with you, and what you may of done wrong.

Giving yourself and him time and space to evaluate both your feelings, is a possible answer to the problems. This may open a few doors of whether you can make it together or are better off calling it a day.

Accepting the decisions he has made is also going to be hard, if he decides to end the realtionship, it will first of a ll feel like a big blow, upsetting and also deeply regretful.

But with accepting these, hopefully it will be maintained realtionship- just as friends for your childrens sake.

Life doesnt stop, it can only move forward, and with this new challenges and changes are always in place. Make time for yourself and appreciate that there is truly more to love than what meets the eye. Theres strength and courage.

Answer 3

You need to ask him to explain to you, why he thinks he is not in love anymore.

He could just be experiencing boredom in the relationship.

Maybe dating, like you used to would help. Try to put some more romance back into the relationship.

Laugh more and do fun things together, like a picnic, amusement park.

Perhaps spend a weekend in a beautiful hotel without your children.

Make time for just the 2 of you to be alone together and break out the champagne and candles.

If he likes sports, go with him.

It sounds like he has just become bored with the same old routine.

After all, he DID say he didn't know for sure. That sounds like a classic example of a relationship that needs a little boost of spontinaity.

Talk to him about some of your ideas. He'll probably agree.

Also he may be wanting to experiment with new ideas in the bedroom.

Good LucK!

But I'm betting things will work out just fine.

This is very common in relationships that have been long ones.

Answer 4

Sounds like an whatever-number-of-years itch. Take it easy.

If he tells you he may not be in love, that may be the case. That is not tragic, most people stop being "in love" after a while, but that doesn't mean he doesn't care for you and your children. Since the pressure is obviously up, he may be considering his negative feelings more intense than his positive feelings, which doesn't mean he doesn't have positive feelings for you. But you man need to work to help those positive feelings come out to the front.

Talk to him, calmly, without arguing. Ask him if there is somebody else (I know it hurts, but it is best if you know it!), and ask it in such a way as to get an honest answer. If there is, you may still keep him, and your family intact; my experience shows that when one of the partners keeps a secret, that builds pressure and creates doubt where that is not necessary, better have it out in the open. The problem may be totally different, too.

Converse with him, open up to him, share your concerns, discuss your future, lead him to be rational, and be rational yourself, so that your life and your children's lives are not scarred, but healed.

I hope he is wrong, and he loves you still. But don't worry, act. Act calmly, rationally, and wisely, and love, love, love. Love him, love your children, love yourself, most of all. Whatever happens.

Answer 5

Really sorry to hear this but there's not much you can do, your husband is the one that needs to decide, unless you don't love him either. Living in a house with screaming parents isn't nice for any kid, so if you find that you don't want to be together then separate as fairly and amicably as you can for the kids sakes. You never know he may realise that he does love you and come back, he may just need a time out from all the stresses.
Try not to over analyse everything, just leave him to his thoughts. What is meant to be will be.

Answer 6

I think you should try to move on with your life. You can stay with a man that doesn't love you. You cant make him love you either, If you try to stay together, it will only become worse with lots more arguments, he will resent you for staying and it is not fair on the kids. Plus you will not be able to trust him 100% because he could fall for other woman. I feel really sorry for you, i am sorry i am being blunt but it will destroy your self esteem if you try and stay with him and try to get him to love you again. There are lots of men out there that could love you properly and make you feel good about yourself. Maybe you both have changed as the years have past and you are now different people, It will be hard on the kid, but they will get over it and will be happier in the long run. Hope everything works out for you, good luck what ever you decide to do.

Answer 7

At least he goes to work & has grown ups to interact with!!!
You've just moved, you have two kids under 3 & he needs time to think!!!
Tell him to get his head out of his **** & stop being so selfish!!!
He can get away from the home, you're stuck & isolated, why dont' you knock on your neighbours & say hello. There must be mums in your area, so there must be play groups, put the kids' names down, you'll start meeting other like minded mums that way.
If you can't sort out your differences over a nice meal & a bottle of wine (he either loves you or he doesn't, there is no grey area) give him time to think, at his parents house.!!
You have the kids to think of as well, you now come as a package so, think of yourself & decide what you & the kids want!!!

Answer 8

I'd say that's beginning of the end of your relationship. I know it's hard right now but you CAN live without him.

BTW, I'm very sorry to hear that this has happened to you. I tell you what, I'm a single mom. I've been single for almost 6 years now and I've never been happier in my life.

I was the one who initiated the break up between myself and my son's father. It was hard for the first 6 months. I felt lonely most of the time and thought I could'nt live without him.....but it got easier with each day.

Now, I love being single. I look back on all of the things I put up with from him and i just shake my head. He wasn't worth my time.

I know that things will work out for you and your kids no matter what your husband decides.

Answer 9

the place do I initiate.....Your husband is the form of guy who likes to have his cake and consume it too...He is conscious precisely what he's doing he's loose and accessible residing the only existence and stringing you on except he feels he might desire to be married back..end the divorce, your pastor is proper so as which you are going to have closure and flow on mutually alongside with your existence. you haven't any longer obtrusive him in 3 years it extremely is 3 years you will possibly have wasted of your life being straightforward to a individual who does not seem to get exhilaration from or care. Has he made any attempt to repair the marriage? Has he formally apologized for being untrue? Has he asked you to flow to counseling? If now no longer then regrettably he's now no longer worth you dropping some time. i understand its complicated i've got been there however the real closure comes once you divorce him and can flow on mutually alongside with your existence and in looking somebody who's worth some time, your energy, and your love. i do no longer understand the an prolonged time of your toddlers whether I genuinely do no longer think you will possibly desire to flow.

Answer 10

I have been there it is not easy. there is not any way you can change how he feels. There is not a way for you to fix things, it may not be your fault. Sometimes people just change. I hate that, but it is true. As for the children, you and your husband fighting is not the best for them. (I am sure as a mother you know that) you sound like you and your husband might split. If you do just remember to take care of yourself emotionally, and mentally and physically, only then will you be able to take care of your children in your best way. Love yourself and you will be able to love them the best you can. No matter what happens do this. And you will be able to get through a good and bad situation. Blessed Be Sweetie.

Answer 11

Let him go! When he goes he will find out the grass is not always greener on the other side. Don't pressure him to stay because if you do; he will feel safe to come back whenever he pleases. He will probably come back to you at a later date because of the children. Remember to tell him that now you are the one who needs to think about what you want to do with the rest of your life. In relationship's it's not all about him. You need to learn to love yourself. You cannot give yourself to a man who may not be there for you when you get old or sick. Find out now who you are and what you want out of life. Be prepared to watch him go out of your life. If he is truly yours he will return. If he don't then you don't need him or the hurt. Don't let him take you for granted anymore. This will lower your self esteem. Your husband needs to learn that for every action there is a consequence. If he don't learn this now he will do this again in years to come. I hope I have helped you. This very thing has happened to someone I know in a marriage of 37 years. She has several grown children. She has never completely let go of her man. When he leaves she always takes him back even after several months of him being gone. Now she is going thru this again.