wife is a little too much?

Question

i am in a no win situation with my wife
i am a head chef and short on staff so am having to work upto 15 hours a day due to summer and hoards of customers
i still make sure i have two days off although i have had to go in to work to help out the last two weeks due to staff being under pressure, on my off days i wake early to take care of our three month old daughter which i love while her mum works the two days i have off
i get attacked verbally or emotionally when i get home most nights. my wife seems to blame me for being busy at work which i feel is a little harsh as its a sign that i am good at what i do surely
i know that in a month or two it will be less strain as the weather will mean the customer abundance will drop off and i will have more time to spend with her and the baby. i do all i can, i cook for her every day and as i said take care of the baby when i can, i try my best to do things on my evenings off with her yet she still moans, i rarely even get a cuppa made

Answer 1

i wish you were my husband.

Answer 2

women can be grouchy, as i am too my husband even though he is an angel like you.

sometimes you just have to grin and bear it.

though mabe your wife is finding it hard to cope with a new baby. - it is not easy. maybe she needs a week off looking after the baby, perhaps you have a relative she could spend some time with, which could also give her some company.

Or maybe it's you all needing to have a bit of time together if she works when you are not.

i presume you have not been together that long, as you have a young baby, (sorry if wrong - it still applies).

when you have a child and both work and never see each other it is a big strain, even if you don't have a child.

AND remember, having a baby is a full time job in itself, don't be so hard on her and so leniant on yourself, i am very sure you are painting a better than life picture for yourself and worse than life for your wife.

Marraiges and relationships take alot of work to keep. It never just falls into place. Try talking to your parents and see how they coped when you where 3 months old. x x

Answer 3

First, you sound like a really good man. I dont understand why your wife would be verbally and emotionally abusive towards you. She needs to relax and understand that you work alot for the moment because of short staff but still find some time to take care of your family and spend some time with your daughter. I suggest that you sit her down and make her understand because it doesnt seem that she do that by herself. Tell her that she might feel a little left out for the moment but everything will be back to normal in a month or two

Answer 4

Tell her to start treating you properly. Who does she think she is 'attacking you verbally and emotionally' when you get home? Tell her that you expect to be treated properly and then the two of you can really talk - don't rise to the bait when she starts yelling or insulting you and make it clear why you're not going to respond if she starts that. You deserve a basic level of respect as a person, just as she does. When you've got that, the two of you can discuss your own perspectives and can understand where eachother's coming from. Good luck. From what you've said, it doesn't sound like you're doing anything wrong. She must be finding things really difficult right now - having a young baby is exhausting. That's no reason to treat you this way, however. Good luck.

Answer 5

If only there were more men in the world like you, wouldn't the world be a happier place. I think that your wife should appreciate the fact that you do what you can to make her happy and as well as the fact that you cook for her every Day is even better. Your wife should really be grateful for what you do for her, but i would recommend that you try talking to her, at the end of the day, you are your husband and she should be grateful that your a man who really cares about her and the baby.

Answer 6

Your wife is very lucky to have a husband like you. Remember that!

I can see what you are saying and you certainly are giving so much to this relationship. Have you tried talking to you wife? She is maybe feeling a bit left out, exhausted herself? Try and talk with her. There must be sometime when you are both free to be together. Get someone to look after the baby for a couple of hours and take your wife out somewhere nice - even a nice drive and then stop of for something to eat. With time, patience and understanding of each others needs through communication, you will get there.
Best of luck x

Answer 7

my b/f is also a chef and works an incredible amount of hours per week, but he works in corporate fine dining, so his hours are confined to Monday-Friday, albeit from 7am -midnight most days, it means he has the weekends off so we spend time together then, why not look at doing something in corporate catering? Check out Roux Fine Dining or Restaurant Associates websites. It sounds like you are just trying to juggle everything and keep everyone happy, explain to your wife that you love her dearly and you are trying to make your mark in your career as well as look after her and your daughter, reassure her that in a few weeks things will return to normal. It also sounds like she has baby blues due to her hormones being messed up with pregnancy, that's normal, and the doctor can help her cope with her moods better.

Answer 8

The only thing one can say is that your efforts are not being appreciated they may however be acknowledged. Your wife (it it's the first baby) may be unsure of things at times and want you beside her all the time. She may feel unsecured with baby and may not be the type that can condone loneliness.

Whatever the case is, you are a man. You'll have to let her know that what you are doing is for the benefit of the whole family she'll understand and the fact that the long hours at work will not be forever is enough consolation.

Don't fight with her rather keep encouraging her.

Answer 9

Relax. She is having a hard time with the baby, I am sure, especially if it is her first child; and she is working on your off days, too. That is stressing, hard, making her nervous, etc. Try to talk to her about what her days are like, when you have the energy, and she has it too. Try to be calm, and try to get more hands to help at your work, so you can breathe more easily (I know it may not depend on you, but if it will make your life easier... well, I guess you see the point).

Good luck. Relax, be nice, and keep it up!

Answer 10

Sorry, but this is something that is just gonna take time- your baby is still very young and so your wife's hormones still haven't settled down. She may well be suffering from post natal depression, encourage her to get some help.
Don't worry, your not the only husband in the world to be shouted out- I was rotten just after the birth of our daughter 14.5 months ago.
Be patient, things will get better.
Oh, and try not to take things personally. She still loves you!!!!!

Answer 11

Only thing you can do is talk about it...or take it further to seeing a councillor.

I had a similar problem with my ex, and unfortunately that came to an end because of it. But he would never talk to me and in the end it all came out in the wash. Someone telling you all your faults at once isn't going to endeer you to them anymore.

So, problems need to be talked through when they happen.
Don't fly off the handle and shout and scream. Talk calmly, if she shouts then just say that, that is part of the problem. And possibly that you're not willing to talk while you're gettting shouted at. At the end of the day, that just makes people angry and you can't have a rational conversation when you're angry.

Hope you sort it out.