My parents lives with us and we financially supports them since non of my siblings willing to take care of them. We are getting married next year n plan to remodel and extend our house. We plan to build a cosy 2BR in-law unit for them so we can be have more privacy to ourselves and soon our own family at the main house. The problem is, especially my dad, they don't want to leave. My dad already have several plans that we should remodel the house to two story - and that they would live downstairs and we would live upstairs. He also think that we should build an edition. They would live in the main house, me and my future husband (who's paying the mortgage and house expenses) should live in the new edition. My dad's old school and thinks that he owns the world. It's our house. We want our privacy and remodel it the way we want without his opinion. What should we do? My parents is about to ruin my life. How do I make him understand without him taking it differently and too much drama.
2006-07-16 20:44:34 · 12 answers · asked by Islandbabe 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
Best thing for you to do is to learn to have sex quietly
2006-07-16 20:48:14 · answer #1 · answered by funeehaha 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is not much you can do without drama, unless you are expecting to have your dad driving your life.
Well your dad want's to direct the remodeling, he will have to pay for it, once he can't pay he will have to accept what you guys want.
I don't know how far the remodeling is, so I believe you should postpone the "news" till you are close to the point.
Thats what I would do:
I would call your parents and have a meeting with them without your husband, and tell them that unfortunatelly you and your husband discussed the idea of the remodeling and decided that the best would having them living in a back house, that the idea of having a two story house, despite very good, wouldn't work as the family grow you would need a second remodeling, without space to grow.
Try to show them (your parents) that they are loved and welcomed, but unfortunatelly you will need some more privacy, so you can work on making your marriage and family work.
Your father will argue, but he'll do it more as a way to feel in charge, he might feel very "unmasculated" as he can do anything and in the end of his life he needs his in law to take care of him, so he has his proud, just let him yell, let him "bark", don't discuss, try to act on their emmotional, try to make them believe that they can help you by living in the back house, that by accepting that they will help you to please your husband and it will make you happy.
2006-07-16 21:04:28 · answer #2 · answered by joseclaudio2001us 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You sit him down, and you calmly explain the situation. Tell him YOUR plans, calmly ask him to let you finish. Tell him you are going to do things your way. If he doesn't like what he's hearing, you both need to stand up for what you want, tell him he has amount of time to look for something, but that it is YOUR house, you will do as YOU wish because you're a grown up and you have capacity to make adult decisions. If he still argues, end the conversation and tell him it is final. See if your brothers and sisters can hep out in helping them find a place to live. Tell your parents if they want, they can live in the addition, and if they don't they can always look elsewhere.
I think you've been more than patient with your parents, but you eventually have to stand up to them as an adult, otherwise they will run all over you. They will become the children and push you around unless you stand your ground. Good luck in showing them, but you are a mature adult, help them see that.
2006-07-16 20:59:29 · answer #3 · answered by grldragon101 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your dad may be old school, but even old dogs can learn new tricks.
You need to sit him down and straight out tell him how it is. You need to be the parent now. And if your father doesn't like it, then you need to ask them to move plain and simple.
You need YOUR time together. If he doesn't agree to what you and your husband have planned with the inlaw unit.
You are inviting a divorce if you let them stay under the same roof forever. Multiple families do not work in a marriage, no matter how hard you try!
Good Luck.
2006-07-16 20:54:58 · answer #4 · answered by rdhedhottie 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all they should be living on their own they are the parents correct but anyways talk to them and explain why the in-law unit would be best! You and your husband need some space and they are interfering if they value you and your opinion (and LOVE YOU) then they should be LOVING and supportive of this major decision and NOT have a problem with it! by the way your dad is a SELFISH @sshole and needs to grow up he's acting like my 6yr. old; if he wants to have the big part of the house he needs to be PAYING for everything and get his own place to redecorate!!! GOOD LUCK!!!
2006-07-16 20:55:07 · answer #5 · answered by wolfpack0810 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I presume by your description of the "cozy 2 BR in-law unit, you mean a "mother-in-law" attached apartment with a separate entrance? This sounds very generous and practical for them. You should explain the benefits of this to your father calmly and rationally. Stress how much less work this will be for him than "living in the main house" and maintaining it. Be nice, but be firm. You are doing them a great service and they should appreciate it. We would love it if our kids made that offer (especially if we had our own entrance and could lock them out)!
2006-07-16 20:56:16 · answer #6 · answered by druid 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you build it ...they will come.......I predict this will put a huge damper on your life and will prolly end your relationship with your hubby. Family's make the worst enemies and the worst problems. Find some other means of housing for them not on your property. If your dad is that demanding already he's gonnna get worse. Imma telling ya this is gonna be a nightmare for ya.
Don't do it.
2006-07-16 20:58:57 · answer #7 · answered by The Whopper 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well talk to him and explain to him! if ur mum agrees with you then have her talk to ur dad..Try to tell him that you are about to start a new family and you want your space..If u r a lil harsh on him its ok because u just want him to understand and if there is no better way then let it be it..
2006-07-16 21:01:45 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
i think tht u try to talk to ur dad and if its not yet working get another house near by so u can hv ur privacy also and u can stay near by them as well.
2006-07-16 20:56:23 · answer #9 · answered by tanya 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If I were you I would have listened to my parents advice.
2006-07-16 20:53:33 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋