FINAL INSPECTION
The Marine stood and faced his God, which will always come to pass
He hoped his shoes were shining just as brightly as his brass
Step forward now you Marine, How shall I deal with you?
Have you always turned the other cheek, And to my Church been true?
The Marine squared his shoulders and said, No Lord, I guess I ain't
Because those of us who carry guns can't always be a saint
I've had to work on Sundays and at times my talk was tough
And sometimes I've been violent 'cause the world is awfully rough
But I never took a penny that wasn't mine to keep
Though I worked a lot of overtime when the bills just got too steep
And I never passed a cry for help though at times I shook with fear
And sometimes God forgive me, I wept unmanly tears
I know I don't deserve a place among the people here
They never wanted me around - except to calm their fears
If you've a place for me here Lord, it needn't be so grand
I never asked or had too much - if you don't I'll understand
There was silence all around the Throne where saints had often trod
As the Marine waited quietly for the Judgment of his God
Step forward now, you Marine - you've borne your burdens well
Walk peacefully on Heaven's streets. You've served your time in Hell
unknown author
2006-07-16 20:18:47 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous in Arts & Humanities ➔ Books & Authors
It's quite good. Gave me goosebumps.
2006-07-16 22:47:47 · answer #1 · answered by nightevisions 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
yeah, that is a pretty good poem. The stanzas need to be reordered though.....you kind of seperated the sentences wrong so some of the lines don't flow as evenly as the rest, but other then that, I say that poem might even win you a prize or two......if you are the original author. Things ryhme just fine, don't worry about that. I'm an extremely good poet and a very harsh critique, but that poem ain't bad at all in my opinion.
2006-07-16 20:24:47 · answer #2 · answered by Kiko 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
let me start off with a poem too:
there's this gnawing emptiness in my heart
i don't know why
its that old feeling again
of being surrounded with friends yet feeling so alone
my heart's so heavy; its sinking
i find it difficult to breathe
i laugh but actually i cry
life's a stageplay
close the curtain on me
ur poem is quite okay
2006-07-17 00:22:07 · answer #3 · answered by Princess illusion 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That is beautiful. One of my best friends has a husband who is in the Marines and she would love to see that.
2006-07-16 20:22:52 · answer #4 · answered by This is my nickname :-D 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Nice idea, poor poem. Meter is uneven. Fear and tears really do not rhyme. That is ditto for here and fears.
2006-07-16 20:24:25 · answer #5 · answered by Susan R 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would tell you the poem kinda sucks...but since you're a Marine I don't wanna get my *** kicked.
Good Job!
2006-07-16 20:29:56 · answer #6 · answered by kddkd a 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Once again, too cliche. If i know how the poem will end when i read the first line, it isnt a good poem.
2006-07-16 20:29:38 · answer #7 · answered by Solveiga 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That was great! And I'm not an avid fan of Yahoo poetry...even when it does rhyme.
2006-07-16 20:49:02 · answer #8 · answered by doggybag300 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow... beautiful. tht deserves a round of applause
2006-07-16 20:24:16 · answer #9 · answered by miho9000 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It may not be great poetry, but it certainly was worth reading.
And I appreciated it much. I come from a military family.
It was well worth writing. God bless!
2006-07-17 04:01:29 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋