What do if my mom found out I lost my virginity, and she now hates me?

Question

I lost my virginity last year, and I've only had sex with 2 guys. They were both my then there boyfriends. I regret it, but it was indeed my choice. A month ago, I was talking to my best friend because I was having a pregnancy scare, and little did I know, my mom was listening outside the door. I really really dissapointed her, but..I mean, I dont know. I wanted to do it, you see?

So now, she thinks of me as a full "women" and not her little daughter anymore. So I took that, and all the other awful things she said to me. I have a job now, and I don't ask her for anything. I buy myself what I need and all. I go to school, and work. When I don't have work, I'm inside my room and don't talk to anyone. Recently, she called me a prostitute because she thinks I'll have sex with just anyone, which isn't the case.

Jesus, I'm fed up with her. I'm ready to run away. Anywhere. I cant stand her anymore. Our good relationship as mother and daughter went to bits. I hate her now. I mean it.

I lost my virginity last year, and I've only had sex with 2 guys. They were both my then there boyfriends. I regret it, but it was indeed my choice. A month ago, I was talking to my best friend because I was having a pregnancy scare, and little did I know, my mom was listening outside the door. I really really dissapointed her, but..I mean, I dont know. I wanted to do it, you see?

So now, she thinks of me as a full "women" and not her little daughter anymore. So I took that, and all the other awful things she said to me. I have a job now, and I don't ask her for anything. I buy myself what I need and all. I go to school, and work. When I don't have work, I'm inside my room and don't talk to anyone. Recently, she called me a prostitute because she thinks I'll have sex with just anyone, which isn't the case.

Jesus, I'm fed up with her. I'm ready to run away. Anywhere. I cant stand her anymore. Our good relationship as mother and daughter went to bits. I hate her now. I mean it. Im 16.

Answer 1

Sounds like she has a really hard time expressing it, but the static you're getting from your Mom probably stems from her fear for you. Fear of the big bad world (and it can be really big and really bad), of people who would take advantage of you (she probably remembers you at 5 years old and how open a child you were), of you getting in a bad situation, maybe over your head with the wrong kind of guy. She's probably most afraid of you getting pregnant. If she's any kind of Mom, she wants the best for you. She wants your life to be better than hers. She doesn't want to see you limited by the responsibilities of motherhood so early in life, or to go through the heartbreak of an abortion.

If you look at what she's saying, I agree with you. She's not communicating well, to say the least. But if you look at WHY she's saying what she does, it might give you a little perspective.

Just talk to her. If she can see the way you're thinking about things, see that you've got your head on straight, you will calm some of her fears and life just might improve.

Good Luck.

ps: [A day later ...]
Wow ... I'm reading through the other answers to your question, and I'm struck by how kind and caring so many of the responses are (with only a couple exceptions). I hope you can appreciate that sentiment. People really do give a damn. I also hope that, because of this remarkable show of concern for you, you actually take the advice of all these wise folks. Don't run away. Talk to your Mom. It could change the whole face of your relationship with her, for the better.

Answer 2

Hi Dear

I am sorry about your state of affairs. You do realize you did a mistake and did the worst thing that could happen to a girl, and you yourself regret it. Then, what else your mom would do than be angry and annoyed. It must have been a shock.

Okay, now it is done, there is no point in weeping over the spilt milk. Just go to your mom, and tell her that it was a moment of weakness, the age, and you truly regret it. Let her abuse, tell her that you deserve it. Also tell her it would never happen again, and be honest about it.

Tell her also, that her anger, her slighting you all the time, is doing no good to you. It could make you guilty, depressive, and may induce you to do what anybody should not think of doing it. Tell your mom that let this be forgotten and you need her support and help to come out of it. If you are from a western country, your mom would understand and may forgive and forget.

You must not allow yourself to be guilt ridden. Dont be too close to those guys, otherwise you will be tempted to do the same mistake, provided you are seriously sorry about the whole affair. Concentrate on your studies, be with other good friends of your sex and make life happy for you.

Hope your mom is supportive and understanding. Is there anyone without a skeleton in his/her cupboard, or without mistakes commited. That is what is life. Wish you a very happy future, dear.

S V Ramakrishnan

Answer 3

oh no, i feel terrible about Ur situation. What you have done was extremely wrong, my point of view. Okay what every happened is happened. Try to speak with your mother politely, ask sorry for her because she thinks your still child. Virginity is a precious one for the girl they have to share that only with her husband only. Stop your sexual activities hereafter and try to change your concentration on some other activities like studies, playing, how to improve… if you continue the same only the sex will remains you, but after 5 or 10 years ago nobody around you like your mother, your siblings (if u have), your relatives etc. So be a good girl,. I hope this problem will solve very soonly. This problem will dissolve like ice.

Good luck for your future my friend.

Answer 4

You are still her baby.She will ALWAYS think of you as her baby.I am 30 and I have a 13yr old daughter.I know.I was 14 when I lost my virginity and pregnant by 16 1/2.I got married when I was 5mos pregnant cause my dad made me.And we divorced when I was 21.I finished school and worked afterwards.It aint easy being a teen mom.Be careful and use birthcontrol.

Now,onto your mom.She shouldn't call you names--thats wrong.But shes just scared you'll turn up pregnant or with AIDS.I'm a mom now,I know.But when I was your age,I didn't think of that either.Just bide your time,you are almost 18.She'll get over it in time,my mom did.And I'm an only child.So if mine got okay with it yours will too.

Stay in school and visit planned parenthood.Your mom doesn't need to know.

Answer 5

This too shall pass. I remember when my mom found out I was having sex, and believe me girl my mom was one of the strictest ladies i know. Dont runaway, just try to talk to her and if that doesnt work just show her through ur own actions that u can be responsible. Remember, anyone can have sex, its takes a responsible person to handle the consequences of engaging in those actions.Its not the end of the world. Stop saying u hate just give her some time to sort out her own feelings and expectations and set some goals. Sex isnt everything, believe me.

Answer 6

You should post your age. That would be helpful in answering your question. If your 15, then I'd say shut up, listen to your mother and kiss her a$$. If you're 17 or 18, then you still should listen to her. Stop hiding in your room. That's not gonna make your relationship any better. Sorry to tell you, but I was a teen once and I figured out later in life that parents really do know best. You should respect your mom, and show her in every way possible that you're sorry you hurt her.

Answer 7

It sounds like she is hurting and she is lashing out at you which is totally unfair to you! i have a 15 year old son and i know he could never do anything in this world that could make me stop loving him!!!! NOTHING! My love for him is unbreakable! I think she is hurt that you went to your best friend and not her- hurt that you didnt confide in her and so on. BUT her doing the things and saying the things she is doing is totally wrong and hurtful and she shouldnt be doing it! Do not taske it persinally- I know thats hard! BUT try to remember when she does it- its out of hurt! She doesnt hate you! No mother could hate their baby!!!! She is just totally handling this all wrong. Write her a letter and tell her exactly how u feel. That way she cannot interrupt you! She can read the whole thing and HEAR the whole thing for once!!!! If she responds to it- its well worth it. If she doesnt- then i would say you keep doing what you know is right for you and take things one day at a time Good luck to you sweetheart

Answer 8

ok well im sorry thats a bit harsh of ur mom, from an outsiders point of view. teenagers try stuff, its what we do. she probably did the same s*it when she was ur age, and shes way to ashamed to tell u. moms love control too. im sorry to all moms reading, but the fact is that ur mom cant protect u from everything in this world, no matter how hard she tries, all that she can do is make sure ur safe. thats her obligation to u as a minor. im sorry for ur situation, and usually the dads r the people who really get pissed at the girls, and then try to go kill the guys who u had sex with lol. good luck

Answer 9

stay at home because at the age of sixteen you aren't ready for the real world and stuff. get good grades so that you can go to college and get a job just in case your parents don't have your back anymore. talk to her and tell her how sorry you are that you aren't going to have sex again until you are married. improve your grades and attitude and talk to her more again. she'll notice that you still are her little girl (no matter how not-little you may be) she'll see that you can improve, but you have to hold to what you say or it'll all be a waste. tell her that you really want your mom back and to do stuff together and really try to improve things. good luck!

Answer 10

Alot of times we as mothers don't want to see our children get hurt, be hurt or none of the above. We know what we had to face coming up and it hurts us down deep to see our children go through a life of living hell. Boo, learn from your regrets and don't make that choice again. I'm sure she don't hate you as you think, give her time and she will come around she just hurt. You also need to get with her one on one and talk to her and let her know how you feel then give her the floor and let her talk to you. All she wants is for the best for you and I know you can understand that. Also let me add pray about it before you talk about. I'll be praying for you.