husband blew off our anniversary?

Question

Today, July 16th is my 9th wedding anniversary and I sit here at 11pm in front of the computer on yahoo answers. He caused a confrontation on purpose so that he wouldnt have to spend any time or money on me and sat in front of the TV all day. I am terminally ill and he knows this. I would think he would want to spend any time he has left with me. He only tells me he loves me when he is confronted and he lies to my mother about taking care of me. He told her he was making an anniversary breakfast for us and we were going out to dinner if I was up for it. Instead, I went through drive thru at Burger King to get him breakfast and I didnt even eat dinner. He is in bed now and I havent heard an Im sorry or even a Happy Anniversary. He left the house 1 time to go to the gas station and I told him I moved more $ into his personal account so he had it in case he needed it. That was his hint. He came home with nothing. He swears he isnt cheating but I think differently. Please help

I still have all the documents for the divorce and the hearing was to waive the court costs and filing fees. I gave him the option of divorce and I was also told his surgery might have caused some of this but I have that glimmer of hope that says he will return to the man he was before February. I dont see it and I am frankly, ready to give up hope and get the rest of these papers filed and not threaten with them but actually follow through with them. I am so confused only because I love him so much and dont really understand where this is stemming from.

Answer 1

You're not here because you need adivce-- you knew exactly what people will tell you to do before you asked this question. You posted because you needed reassurance that your instincts were right. I'm not criticizing you-- it's normal.

I think you need to move in with your mother for awhile.

You need to tell this man exactly why you are doing this. Tell him what you suspect. Tell him why you suspect it. Tell him you were hurt when he did not buy you something for your anniversary. Don't hint-- be straightforward. Most men need that because they cannot see through subtle hints.

Move home with mom. Wait a few weeks and re-examine your feelings for this man.

Good luck. I hope everything turns out for the best.

Answer 2

Yea this doesn't sound good at all. I'm sorry. An anniversary is something we women are always excited about and much too often guys could care less. It sounds like he is being a real a**. If I were you I would start finding things to do without him and ignore him for a while even on important days and see how he likes it. I'm sorry that you are sick. If you have days you feel good enough to just get out start setting up lunch meetings with your close girlfriends and just start getting out by yourself. You should start having the time of your life weather it involves him or not.

Answer 3

Your previous questions stated you were getting a divorce, and had hearings scheduled, and that you knew he was cheating. He had personal ads up & everything. What happened? Did you stay with him because you are sick? If that is the case, and you are terminally ill, you should not spend your last time on Earth with this person. Change the locks while he's at work, or go back to your Mom or whatever. Get out of there. You will never get an apology, enjoy your life while you have it.

Answer 4

One concern for you and your marriage is the communication. MEN need it right between the eyes..... to put it bluntly. Sorry to hear about your illness. Hope a miracle cures you and you live a long life.

As for this Anniversary and that you are in front of the computer... sometimes men become exhausted with emotion..... you moved money over to his account is not a large enough hint if he is sidetracked by thinking of something else. The lie to your mom is troubleing.... married that long is a good thing but you should know him by now and know what he is doing or not doing. I would say you should take him out to a nice dinner and pay for it yourself.... if you have the money. Too many times people continue to lay thier heart out and say do not step on it. then get all pissed because it did not happen the way they wanted it to. If the money is not the issue then just pay........ LET'S GO TO SUSHI....... HAPPY ANNIVERSARY BABY!!! AND I AM PAYING. would realy send a message to him that you are able to enjoy it. this is a very tough answer since I do not know your illness or how you are. Keep in mind that if you do not have much time left....... this is your life too.... say the things you want to say, ask him to take you to where you want to go and see and do to do the things you want to do. A PEACEFULL, ENJOYING TIME together is priceless. Men like a good moment as well as any woman does. You will have to be strong and polite. If you need the help...... politely ask him to do something for you. I would love it if you did this..... Men sometimes lose the heart to do something for even thier mate if they do not see some of their own needs being met.

Your Anniversary is only one day....... we celebrate ours whenever we agree it will be celebrated or I do it early to surprise her. Give him a chance to make it up to you...... this will help you to know if he is having an affair or not. Him sleeping and you typeing to us does not seem like you want to be by your husband on your anniversary..... if it was me, I would zip off to bed and tell him what I want to hear. it is ok!!! You can get what you want by persistanly asking for it and not taking no for an answer. But to expect a man to do something with hints..... that is not so good since I am a man and would rather know that my wife realizes I am human and that I fail sometimes.... but that she still expects me to come thru and supports me on the journey to make it happen. Get in there and be besde him....... it is his Anniversary too. What does he like? What did you get or do for him?

Answer 5

WOW .......... sorry to hear your hubby treated
you so poorly on what should be a special day for the
two of you ....... initially I was thinking maybe he might
just be having a difficult time facing the possibility
of this being your last anniversary, but even if
that was true, he should put your feelings first and make
sure it was your best anniversary ever.

Hopefully he will realize how much he hurt you
and do his best to try to make amends.

best of luck to you with your illness,
I'll keep you in my prayers.

Answer 6

aww, so sorry to hear about your illness. I could only imagine what you feel. I would be just as devastated. That wasn't very nice of him to not do anything special for you. That is a special day and only comes once a year. Has he missed any others??? Maybe he just has way too much on his mind knowing he is going to lose you. Hard to say what really goes through men's heads. God Bless ya Hun

Answer 7

Dealing with a terminal ill spouse is a very difficult situation for both parties. Depression, denial and anger can change a once wonderful relationship into something ugly. I suggest that you both go and see a trained therapist and work this out. Good luck to the both of you.

Answer 8

Sometimes people deal with life and death issues very poorly... The way they deal with it is not to deal with it ... I believe you need to tell mom the truth about what happened today... Know that I am sorry this happened to you, and that if you'd like a friend you can e-mail me... I do not promise to have any answers how ever I do listen well ... I have late stage Lyme's among other things I cannot know what you must be going through and do not profess to... Take care ......Angel

Answer 9

Honey... let him go. Or at least threaten to. Let the **** hit the fan! Go in there and wake his *** up! You said you are terminally ill? You need to live your life to the fullest not go fetch him **** from burger king or anywhere else for that matter. he should be the one doing for you.

By the way, Happy Anniversary. at least I'll tell ya' that even though it may not mean much now.

Answer 10

I think he's scared and instead of showing it ,he's ignoring it.Everyday that goes by,including milestones,like a 9th Anniversary,means he is one step closer to losing you,and he knows it.If I was you,I'd talk to him.Talk to him about today,why it hurt you,and about what time you have left.He needs to know how you feel about dying.He feels helpless,and for a man,who is suppose to feel as your "protecter"if you wil,that is deavstating.Tell him it's okay.Okay to feel sad,mad,and hurt.It's okay to feel helpless.I am hoping he will open up to you,instaed of behaving offensive.Everyone deals with dying and grief in their own way,and as crazy as this sounds,this is his way.Try to help him while you can.I woke up just now,with sleep apneia,and sometimes,I wake up choking.The first thing I did was jump on this computer,trying to relax and just breathe.Yours was the first question that I saw and theis just came to me.I know it sounds weird,but it is as if someone else is telling me this.I DO believe in God and I think ,I pray,that he is using me to help you.I am so sorry that you are ill and dying,and I pray that you find peace and that you can help your hubby find it too.Happy 9th Anniversary,and I pray for many more together!God Bless you!!!