How do I get my mom to trust me?

Question

I'll be turning 17 in October. I don't smoke, drink, or do drugs and I have responsible friends. My mom currently has set my curfew at 10, but all of my friends stay out later and I end up always having to leave things early. My mom knows that I don't get myself mixed up with things like drugs and she still doesn't trust me. I can't be home any later than 10:30 or else she freaks out. So first: How do I get her to trust me? And second: what do you think is a reasonable curfew?

Answer 1

I would say be patient. Part of the reason you are a responsible restrained individual is certainly because you were raised by a mom who kept a responsibly close watch over you.

You can't expect her to immediately switch over just because you are seventeen and say now its okay for my daughter to be in situations or around people that I consider suspect, and part of her insuring that you are not is by having you come home at a normal hour.

Staying out late at night is not conducive to responsible behavior anyway.

Once you get out in the workforce and are living on your own then you wouldn't want to be the type of person who would stay out late just to have a few more drinks, when what you should do is go home to bed so you can get up for work early.

I think you should appreciate that your mom has invested a lot of time and love in raising you, and even if it won't be devastating for you to stay out a little later, she has something broader and more significant in mind than just having a little more fun on a given night.

You mom probably already does trust you. She probably very much appreciates the fact that you are not mixed up in a lot of things that bring down other children. Instead of being so sure of yourself try to have a little more respect for your moms concern and responsibility without which you would not be the person you are today.

Irresponsible careless parents produce careless unhappy children, and good parents should enjoy the reward of seeing their children respect them for the quality of life they have brought them.

I am not a middle aged parent, just so you won't think this is a stick in the mud response. I am a twenty-five year old guy.

Answer 2

i think your mom probably does trust you, or she wouldn't let you go anywhere in the first place, and you sound like a mother's dream! She is probably just afraid that if you are out later you will be exposed to more of things that are tempting to teenagers. i have a 14 year old daughter and she has no set curfew, it all depends on what she is doing, where she is going and who she is with. if the activities that you are asking her permisison for are age appropriate, then i think that 10 is an unreasonable curfew and your mother is a control freak. the good thing is that you respect yourself and are making good choices in your life and that you care about your mother's rules. maybe by not throwing a fit about the early curfew every time you go out, she will be more willing to let you stay out later for the things that don't even get going until after 10. look on the bright side, at least you have a mother who cares about you and wants you to be the best that you can be. stay clean and sober and abstinent!

Answer 3

Your moms behavior probaly makes you feel like she really does not trust you, but I believe what is controlling her decision is fear. There is so much murdering going on that it is hard to let your kids be out there. So first of all your mom needs to see that you are maturing. How can you get her to see you as a young adult? This is how you are going to get her to trust you, since fear is the culprit. 1st sit her down and tell her I need to talk to you. Communication is the key. Calm her fears and point out to her how you are responsible and tell her how. Then let her know what it is that you need and how she makes you feel when you have earned her trust. Make sure you be respectful and stay calm no matter what. Remember you want her to see you as a maturing young adult, ok. I want you to think about if you were the mother and she was your child and reverse the role. You asked what I think a reasonable curfew, well I think for 16 the law has made it 10 p.m. but if you are at a function 12 is fine. You just should have a safe way to get home. So let me know how it pans out miss 17 email [e-mail]

Answer 4

Well first when you do approach her with this new curfew request go and talk to her like your a grown up get her when she's in a real good mood like have her and you go out to eat or something. After she's all in a good mood just say I can't believe I am gonna be 18 in less than and a year and can actully get my own apartment and Job its gonna be so cool Tell her that your friends mom is gonna help you guys get a place. even if you don't really plan on leaving this will put the idea in her head that it is possible you could leave. That will then start a talk about ,do you really wanna move out right when you turn 18 get and remember nicely say" Mom I just want my freedom I am growing up and I need to have more space I am to old to have to come home at 10.OO and tell her plus thats one less mouth you willl have to feed make it look like you are also trying to help her out if she doesnt want you to move out she might give you a little more freedom just remember not to argue it never works good luck hope it works try it and if it works vote me best answer and tell me if it works Oh and I think like 12:30 is a good time

Answer 5

Oh yeah the thrilling word...reliance.....first of all, why do you have uncertainties that she doesn't trust you??....it's doubtless that it’s you who don't trust or agrees with her decisions..... look you are 17 and just like all at that age you won't want a second of your friends moments to be spend without you being there...but it's best that you cut back a little of more time with your friends while you got your mom at home on the frame of being in FULL controls of your time outs and time ins...If you think she's a little bit hard going for a week, just drop off being with your friends until whatever curfew she had for you...you can always try meeting her “deadline” for about a month and she might in due course give you some breathing room…
Ps—
Meet her curfew times for straight time(s) as possible with NO EXECPTION at all and see what happens.

Hey hopes you make it through…just don’t know how girls takes it but let just say with guys, there is more loose opportunity to roam in….


Jacob

Answer 6

Is this curfew on weekday, then I think it is more than reasonable. You have to keep on doing what you are doing for her to trust her. Don't keep bring up the whole curfew thing, it only makes you look immature. If you really want her to listen sit down and have an adult conversation with her. Then bring up a test night, that you can stay out later. If you do all that you are supposed to do on the test night, maybe she'll let you stay out later.

The reality is she is being a wonderful mother who loves you.

Answer 7

A curfew is not set by Parents, the town or city you live in has one. Though a parent can set their own. To be trusted you must prove yourself trustworthy. People will judge you by your actions and see if you can be trusted. Nothing replaces sitting down and having a talk with your mom. I don't think it is a matter of trusting you, she is keeping you safe. You'll thank her for that later in life. Remember the girl who was abducted in Aruba? The world is not a very safe place, but have that talk and see what happens.

Answer 8

my mom's the same way and I'm already 21. to get her to trust me, I have to do really really good in school and make sure she knows that I'm getting my degree on time so maybe she wants that for you. as for a reasonable curfew, she's probably keeping it at 10/1030 cause everyone under 18 has a curfew and she doesnt want you to get in trouble with cops or something. but reasonable might be 12... try asking about that. hope that helped. =)

Answer 9

You silly! You're seventeen, angelcakes. You're about to be launched from your momma's nest. Now listen very closely, because this is very important ... from one woman to another. . . nothing that ever happens to you as a woman hurts as much as letting go of a daughter, letting her leave. Your momma may be speaking about protecting you from drugs and drink and other such dangers, but she's really talking from her heart about losing you in a way that you may not understand at your age. I didn't. Spend some time with your momma, angelcakes. That's what the curfew is all about. She wants you home with her to spend as much time as possible with you as she can before you leave her nest in all your smiles and glory and youth and dreams. My momma died recently. I wish I had just one more curfew with her. I'd make her something fancy to drink, I'd light candles and shoo all foul beasts such as siblings, men and dogs, and I'd lay on one end of the sofa and my mom would lay on the other end and we'd put our barefeet together, and jabber until the dawn. How do you get your mother to trust you forever? Be trustworthy. And, becoming a trusted adult isn't about curfews. It's about being there for loved ones when they need you, and being there as a strong woman, not like a girl who's fussing about small stuff like curfews.

Answer 10

Look your mom is trying to protect you she cares alot about you and i know my mom never used to let me out past 10 either but as you get older you relize that its not about trust Your mom probably really does trust you The people she doesn't trust is everyone else. And she is right. Take it from me there are some weird people in the world your mom is just watchng out for you. There are murders and rapest that could get you any moment. MOM KNOWS THIS that why she doesn't want you out soo late And unless you have a 9 mm and put the clip in it, can cauk it and aim then dont leave the house past 10:30. My guess is you cant and don't have one