being adopted?

Question

i was adopted. & i don't know my real family at all. no pictures..no letters..no nothing. it makes me sick thinking it. i don't know who i am. can anyone relate? i know my parents now LOVE me. duh. but i can't but help wonder...

Answer 1

Well hon, I have given birth to two boys and I have a daughter I adopted when she was a new baby. I also have worked as a nurse with newborns & their birth mons who have chosen to bless another family with a baby becasue of circumstances beyond their control. To me it is the ultimite act of love. It isn't easy to grow a baby and put it in someone elses arms. It is the most powerful act of love. I know you don't understand that.

I consider my daughter the child of my heart. I know that genitically we are not tied , but we are definatly connected in our hearts and mind. She once considered doing a search for her birth family. I told her I would help her if she wished. She thought about it for awhile and then changed her mind.

Are you able to ask your parents for some information?
You can start with your birth certificate. Look in to records at the hospital where you were born. Do some dective work. If an agency placed you for adoption you can connectwith them.
In many states you can leave a letter with the agency saying it is ok with you to make your records public. Once you do that if your birth parents do the same, then a connection can be made.

I know you didn't have any choice in the matter of your birth and your family. It is understandable that you wonder and want more details. Just don't let it eat away at you. My daughter went through the phase of really wondering. Now she is at peace with it.

Have a talk with your parents. They probably figure that eventually
you will ask them questions.

If you are troubled over this get some counseling to help you find peace. I have figured that family is much more than a genetic connection,

Answer 2

I have 2 adopted daughters now 20 and 18 (adopted at 28mos and 4 days). When they turned about 10 or so they started asking questions. We never hid the fact that they were adopted from them. The law of NY State (where they were adopted) did not allow for them to meet their birth mother until my oldest turned 18. On her 18th birthday we flew to NY to meet her birth grandmother and later that week her birth mother. It was a bittersweet event in that the grandmother was overjoyed and has kept in contact with the girls ever since. The birth mother barely acknowledged them and has not contacted them since. Their birth fathers are still unknown. My oldest has reacted with anger at her mother and has tried over and over to recontact her with no success. The younger girl has not tried to contact her mother since and doesn't seem to care now. They have met 2 of their sisters that we didn't know about until just before we went to NY.
That was fun for the girls but they will never meet a 3rd sister that is a Down's Syndrome child. She is with her birth father. In this case the birth mother had 5 girls with 5 different men.

It's Ok to wonder about your biological parents. That's perfectly normal. You should talk about this with your parents. They can help you find your biological folks when the law allows you to meet them (if your biological folks are OK with meeting you). If not you should at least be able to discover your heritage and the health history of the family. You can track down your parents (again when the law allows) through the agency you were adopted through or the attorney or whatever.

Remember this. . . no matter what. . . you have parents that loved you enough to give you a great home. One day, when you meet your bioligical parents (if you do) you will find out good things and you will find out things that are not pleasant. That does not make you any less worthy of love or make you any less capable to be anything you want to be in life.

Live a quality life for you and your parents. Respect them and respect yourself and if you do, your life will be happy.

Answer 3

That's always hard. But don't dwell on it. You have something going for you. Just embrace it. You'll always wonder, and that's normal, just don't dwell on it.