How to tell family you're pregnant?

Question

I'm 20 years old, married (have been since February), and there's a very good chance that I'm pregnant with our first child. My family does not care for my husband very much, although they are nice to him (we live in an apartment in the upstairs of their house). The did not want us to get married, and I know they will be very upset/disappointed/shocked when they find out that I am. How should I tell them? My husband is a British citizen and can't work in the US legally yet, so he can't "support" me and the baby, but I have a large trust fund that can. Any advice?

I'll find out in 4 days if I am for sure or not, and I plan on waiting until after I've had a doctor say everything is okay before I do tell.

Also, it's my grandparents that I'd be telling and that we live with. I don't mind telling my dad and my mom's dead, so they're no problem.

Answer 1

I strongly suspect they have enough interest in grandchildren as a reward for the work of raising children. They may have to have a little heart-to-heart talk with you, and maybe even with your husband, whether separately or together, but all they really want, I'm willing to wager, is for their grandchildren to be where they can play with them often. They earned the right, and I daresay they'll get over any problems they may have rather than have you sever ties with them.

So whatever crabbing they do about how you and your husband live, they will get over it. And if they have practical suggestions on how to improve matters, listen politely and evaluate honestly. Who knows, they may even be capable of good ideas. You never know to what heights of good sense parents can manage if they have to, when they see grandchildren on the horizon.

So don't be afraid to tell them; be delighted to tell them. Assume they are delighted, too. And as to your husband's current economic situation, who knows what clever ideas motivated grandparents might have.

One that occurs to me is that you could discuss putting some of your money to work investing in a family business; something you can both work together on, but which does not require any special paperwork on the part of your husband. It doesn't have to be a lot of money, and it may not be a business you want to work at for the rest of your life, but it may become that. All it needs to do now is be something you can both do, and enjoy well enough not to feel impatient about it, and where you can have the baby with you once it is born. Working at home (on the Internet) can be fine if it's carefully worked out so you're not simply a sucker for someone's get-rich-scheme. (i.e., a scheme to get THEM rich!) There are many, many things you know how to do, the two of you; hobbies, interests, schooling, experience. There are businesses associated with everything you do. There are also non-profit organizations that may need your particular skills, and be willing to pay a considerable fee for your help. So being an independent contracting team of "consultants" is not unreasonable at all.

After all, it may be no more complicated than becoming importers of desirable British goods. The American public would love it! We have had a love affair with all things British at least since the invasion of the Beatles.

The concept "family business" has old, old roots, of course, and was generally something in retail trade. But more recently there are many other ways a family can work together and make a good living for themselves. You know your strengths, the two of you. Remember that the total is greater by far than the sum of its parts. Working together, a couple can be one very, very smart cookie! Then let the immigration department crunch its paperwork in its own good time; it won't matter economically by the time it happens.

Answer 2

Once you are sure that you are pregnant, you'll have to tell your family. The sooner you do so, the less feelings that will be hurt. You'll be surprised how a grandchild can mend broken fences, and that may not happen until after you have the baby, but it will most likely happen.

Also, if you have enough money to support yourself, I would suggest moving out of the same building with your family. It's difficult to be that up close and personal even in a happy situation, much less one that is already strained. Some distance will help them keep perspective and prove to them that you can make it just fine.

Answer 3

I had an unplanned pregnancy and I wasn't married. Telling my mom I was pregnant was the hardest thing I think I've had to do my entire life. Money was a big issue too, my boyfriend gets laid off for 3-4 months during the winter time. The best way, I think, is to sit them down and just tell them. Since money is an issue, look up some resources, like medicaid, WIC, etc. and bring that information with you. Your parents love you and I'm sure they will be worried, and I'm sure you are too, but everything will be just fine. There are tons of resources out there for you to take advantage of! By the way, Congratulations!!!!

Answer 4

I would suggest not telling them until after you are at least 3 months along.....after 3 months the chances of you having a miscarraige are greatly reduced. There is no reason to get your family mad at you in case you do end up having a miscarraige (but lets pray that you dont!!)......or, you can tell them right away when you find out and not let them ruin your excitement and joy that you will have when you find out. If they dont like the decisions that you have made (and are going to make) then that is THEIR problem, not yours!! You are an adult and you can decide how you want to live your life. If your family doesnt like that, then let THEM be unhappy....but dont let it effect how you feel about your new precious baby in your womb....enjoy this time in your life, they are your family and will come around, and if they dont, then it is thier loss!!!

Good Luck!!

Answer 5

One of the hardest things to do with family is to make the shift from dealing with them as a child to dealing with them as an adult.

You are 20 and happily married to the man of your choosing. You may be dependent on them to some degree, but you are an adult. Think of yourself as one when talking to them. Walk the walk and talk the talk!

I would treat this news, when you have confirmation of course, as the happy and joyous news that it is! Call everyone together for a toast or some impromptu celebration of some sort.

If they want to rain on your parade, that's their sour grapes and tell them so with a smile. Don't let anyone ruin your good time and don't let them "press those buttons" that family can be so good at, OK?

Also, the new family member is one of them too, you may be surprised how they react.

Suggestion for your husband, while we are at it. Get him his papers and get his butt to work. In general and not for everyone mind you, Men's self-esteem and self-worth is tied a whole lot more to work than women's. He needs to be actively working on supporting his new family, even if it's just a share of the sum. Trust me, everyone will be happier particularly him.

I knew a Brit who (was not here legally, btw) found quite by accident that he could make a killing buying and selling antique furniture. Americans are so enamored with a British accent that they thought him an expert and he did quite well for himself. you don't need to be on a payroll to make money.

Oh, one more thing...You and your husband should pull each family member aside and quitely say something like:

"You know, I respect you as a great parent and I'm really going to be counting on you to give me some guidance and advice on motherhood/fatherhood" There is nothing like a little buttering up to get them on 'your' side. Try it it works!

Best of Luck and Congratulations!!!

Answer 6

Well coming from a young mother I would suggest you be open with them early because if you wait it will be harder. I had to tell my mother and others that I was pregnant and I was only 18 (not married). It was very hard for me because I expected the worse. But it was not that bad. There was disappointment but it turned out fine. My son has everyone under his spell..lol. I think it will be easier for you even though your parents don't approve of the marriage but that could actually break the ice. A baby will soften anyone's heart. (anyone with a heart lol)

How to tell them: Everyone sit down together and slowly break it down to them. Let them know that the man u married u will be with forever and there will be an addition to the family. Let them know they will have to accept your marriage especially for their grandchild..stress the word grandchild..lol.

Answer 7

My son and his girlfriend were faced with a similar situation they didn't want to tell either family that they were expecting. Unfortunately they waited until someone else found out and spilled the beans to us and it was more than a little hurtful to find out about our first grandchild this way. Long story short we got over it surprisingly fast. Grandchildren have a wonderful way of bringing people together. Chin up things will be fine and congratulations on your upcoming bundle of joy.

Answer 8

i'm attempting to think of of the thank you to tell my component of the family (surely only my mom and grandmother) and because i'm going to already be around sixteen weeks (had to attend till finally we genuinely hear the coronary heart beating at my next appointment because of the fact we have not heard it because of the fact they save asserting it replace into too early so we've been kinda aggravating) i've got no longer somewhat concept too plenty approximately it.. yet i'm thinking of doing some thing such as you with the enjoying cards.

Answer 9

well before you say anything make sure 100% that you are pregnant...and also you may want to make sure that you are a couple months along just so your not telling everyone and then heaven forbid you lose the baby
but they are your parents...and you are married...they should be supportive and probably will be no matter what...as long as you are capable and loving
im sure they will be there for you and your husband!

Answer 10

Sounds like anything that you'd like to do, or did, would be ok with them. Some parents think their children can do no wrong.
Even tho they may not be nuts about your mate. There isnt much they can do or say now, is there?
I guess you can leave a rattle or a pack of diapers lying about.
That would certainly get their attention. :)