I have been with my husband for eight years married five...he frequently walks around the house not saying 2 words to me but wants to have sex at night... i have to feel the person i have sex with unless i am just horny... he doesnt so much as touch me affectionally but wants to have frequent sex. i have discussed, argued and cried and nothing seems to change i met someone i like he is just the opposite of my husband and treats me like a queen...i have not had a physical affair because i love my husband and really want him to be what i need not this other guy, but should i starve for effection or get it where i can.
2006-07-16 16:21:14 · 28 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
This is a hard question. An affair will almost always end in your getting hurt. Or worse in your husband finding out and leaving. You said you love him, so you don't want that to happen.
I am sure you will regret it, if not at first, eventually.
Remember that the reason you are feeling that this new man is so desirable is because you don't live with him, and you don't see his faults everyday. The grass is not necessarily greener on the other side, just different.
Don't give up on trying to get your husband to understand your need for affection. It may eventually get through to him.
2006-07-16 16:32:56 · answer #1 · answered by judy m 1 · 3⤊ 1⤋
No! what are you thinking. There's something you have to resolve here and having an affair isn't the way out. You should really think about your marriage and move along if there is nothing there for you. You don't have to cheat when you can win and feel better about things in the end by handling things like an adult. Leave him first and then search for the love and affection that you deserve. You don't want to live with adultery for the rest of your life. Consider all your options and make the best of the situation(s).
2006-07-16 16:30:27 · answer #2 · answered by B-Truth 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Is your husband just a cold person or you are fighting? Also, do you have any kids? Do you think that the other guy would like to have a relationship or just sex? Think about those things before you end up cheating and maybe investigate a little bit about your husband what is he doing in his spare time. It is kind of weird that all he does sit home and not talk,etc.
2006-07-16 16:27:23 · answer #3 · answered by Donna M 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
OMG! Your situation is exactly the same as mine - and yes - I went for it. Take it from me, it was the worst mistake of my life! It was the same for me in that the guy was the complete and utter opposite as hubby. It was so exciting during the flirting and kissing period that lasted about two months. Then as soon as we had sex I never heard from him again. It was and still is so painful. And now I'm living with so much guilt I'm in therapy! Out of guilt I started treating my husband a lot nicer and low and behold, he started treating me like a queen! (he doesn't know about the affair and never can!) Feel free to email me if you want to chat about this more.
2006-07-16 18:41:31 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is treating you like a piece of meat or furniture. He is in effect, dehumanizing you by ignoring you. I think your husband is actually trying to exert control over you by withholding communication and then wanting sex. It seems like some passive-aggressive behavior.
Was he always like this, or did something trigger it? If it's been going on a long time, I don't have much hope of him behaving differently. Anyway, it's not your fault if you've tried to speak with him. Why are you living like that? I'd find a counselor who specializes in women's issues so you learn about what you deserve in life. Life is short, don't settle - be happy.
2006-07-16 17:25:25 · answer #5 · answered by Lake Lover 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First off, you don't know that this other guy is really what you need. Sure, he might be sweeping you off your feet now, but you know where he wants this to go.
I would try to spice things up with my husband first, even if I had to deny him sex a few times. Show him what you want him to do, and do it to him. Slow him down during the act by slyly suggesting things he should do to you and playing games with him.
People show love in ways they want it shown to them. He'd probably rather skip all the mushy stuff and go straight to the matter. But relationships are about compromise, and he should agree to provide you with what you need too. If he's not agreeable to compromise, then there's a serious problem.
If lack of communication bothers you, suggest to him that you need him to talk to you more. He might not know what to say (men tend not to talk about small matters and things that went on during the day), so you might have to prompt him a bit. Or engage him in a conversation about something he enjoys, like his work, or music. It might take a while for him to perfect his communication style. You could always suggest that each day you two sit down for 15 minutes or so and just cuddle and talk.
2006-07-16 16:32:38 · answer #6 · answered by blueskies7890 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am going to tell you this If you still have any spark inside you for your husband, PRAY There is a group called Focus on the Family and when my husband and I started falling out of Love we waited too late to get help, now we are in a very ugly custody battle. If your husband loves you he will take that step forward with you to learn how to show you love, and gain the respect he deserves. God Luck and God Bless
2006-07-16 17:14:51 · answer #7 · answered by beadiemae 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You say you love your husband, but in reality the way he treats you is horrible and rotten. Nothing you do can change him. I could suggest you drag him to couselling but, I'm really sorry I know the truth is painful, but it's appartent from your description of the relationship that he doesn't love you. Don't have an affair, just divorce him. You deserve so much better.
2006-07-16 16:33:15 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
A affair won't solve your problems, just create more. Betraying someone will not get his attention in a positive way. I would suggest counseling, get him to work with you to save the marriage, let him know you are serious. If he refuses, then it is your choice to seperate legally from him to give him some time to figure it out or divorce. Don't blow off your wedding vows until you are certain, then do it the right way by getting out of the marriage first. Don't get caught up in someone filling the gap you have in your marriage either, that is a dangerous way to gol
2006-07-16 16:37:57 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Have you told *him* what you are saying here???? That is the best place to start. Tell him what you need, maybe seek counseling. If he is unwilling to try counseling, then you have to explore other options. Don't just run off and have an affair - if you have any conscience it will haunt you. You can justify it how you want, but it is an affair any way you slice it. You may be unhappy, be he did not *make* you have an affair - you did.
2006-07-16 16:30:30 · answer #10 · answered by 2thseeker 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋