Hi,I'm not sure where to start, so bare with me I'm 28 my mans 29.He has 2 kids from a previouse marriage, we've been dating for about 1yr.We met just before his devorce was finalized, they had been sep- for a year before we started dateing. I'm @ a point in my life where i think i'm ready to settle down with 1 person, when we 1st met I was anti marriage(told him so) I'm starting to feel diff- about it.I think he may still be healing from his x he says he's fine?i met the mother to his kids once briefly. Thiers no drama between her & I.I guess what my problem is our 1st anniv- is comming up & I don't know where this relationship is going?We've started having probs-Usually when I feel left out I kinda get jelouse of the kids & the x wich makes me feel horrible!I like the kids they like me. It doesn't help I've been stressed out! When we first met i had my own place, was content with my job.Now I live @ home hate my job- doesn't help he hates it I work in a strip club.He can't support me
2006-07-16 16:18:59 · 16 answers · asked by jessnika 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
after marriage
2006-07-16 16:21:47 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
Wow, other than the strip club thing it sounds like me. Let me tell you that the step kid thing is hard. No, not hard. HARD, HARD, HARD. Depending on the day, it's not worth it. Believe it or not, I get along with his kids just fine, they have been in our house for 12 years. BUT the person that always has to compromise is ME!
You will be outnumbered. That will NEVER change. It will always be them verses you. Not an easy life. Twelve years later, I am still the one on the outside looking in. The man has to be extra-ordinary to be worth it.
My advice: If you can get out of it, get out NOW. Find a single guy with no kids and lots of money. You sound like you got what it takes to attract that kind of guy. The right guy will love you for the fact that you work at a strip club. I mean, either this guy loves every part of who you are or he doesn't. There is no in between.
Good luck!
2006-07-16 23:27:16 · answer #2 · answered by Kristonia 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
In my opinion moving in isn't going to help at all until you deal with the issues you are having and what makes you think that he is ready for marriage when he got out of a marriage? Before you can make anyone happy you have to find peace of mind with yourself and get yourself together first of all. I know I had to learn to be happy with myself first before I could get involved with anyone, I know how it is wanting to settle down and so forth but I just think that you are looking at the wrong man to settle down with, Whatever you do make sure that you think twice before moving in because things would be alot different when he does move in, And maybe he since you are jealous of his kids and all and thats probadly where the tension is coming from also, Just pray and ask God to show you what you need to do and hopefully everything will work out for you Good luck
2006-07-16 23:28:47 · answer #3 · answered by Neek-Neek 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Every major step in a relationship involves a major decision. Though it can be stressful making those decisions, it should be a pretty easy answer. If you are unsure then you shouldn't move in. You will know with each step you both take together what you want and should do. You should know deep down what you should do...if you are unsure then you are not ready. But just don't confuse being nervous about it as being unsure. There is a difference. If you don't know..don't go.
2006-07-16 23:26:07 · answer #4 · answered by evan736 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This sounds like a dormant volcano preparing to errupt. You SHOULD NOT move in with this man! You have issues with his kids, his ex and your job already. Moving in would be a really bad idea. If you can get over all the issues you stated, maybe you could give it a try, but what you've written is a recipe for disaster.
2006-07-16 23:23:44 · answer #5 · answered by Starla_C 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't move in with him....find someone that has never had any children.....take it from someone that traveled that road several times....you're setting yourself up for heartache and financial disaster. You may love him, but believe me....you will never come first with him and his children. You need to have a relationship with someone where there are no children involved.....build that relationship and your own family with that person. Trying to fit into a ready-made family is VERY difficult!~
EVAN736 said it best!
2006-07-16 23:30:38 · answer #6 · answered by Bluewillow 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you're ready to be with someone you said, but are you ready for the other persons this guy are carrying with him, like his children for example, not to mention his x [which you can't do nothing about because his children are her children too, you will seeing her often]?
in my humble opinion, you should first learn to accept the fact that you cannot compete with his children because you will not win! a good man always prioritize their children over other things.
you know it is a good time to move in with the man your dating if you already accepted everything that guy has, everything may it be good or bad and most importantly, the guy must have accept you too as you, that includes your lifestyle, your job, everything about you. coz if not, i don't think it will work out. goodluck^^
2006-07-16 23:32:21 · answer #7 · answered by Mhazeâ?¢ 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it definitely sounds like you two need to have a long deep conversation about your relationship- not about moving in with each other, but what you expect to give and receive from a relationship. moving in together should be a natural move in a relationship, not a "validation" of where you are headed. what you really need to remember is he has kids. they will always come first- as should any children. if you want to be in a relationship with all of them, then you need to create a relationship as a family. and remember, no one can make you happy if you are not happy with yourself. start making yourself happy first and find ways to make him happy. stop worrying about where your relationship is going and focus on the relationship itself. good luck
2006-07-16 23:34:11 · answer #8 · answered by stohlio 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Never, you do not want to marry this man, with these kids. I promise you will not like the life style. My friend tells me this all the time she is in the same situation that you are in. She is miserable all the time. Yea, do like me date men with no kids.
2006-07-17 03:06:55 · answer #9 · answered by mothers finest 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
oooo...lots of emotion there first of all take it from me dont just on the first train smokin....you need someone to support you....and a blended family is hard to do especially... you sound like your ready for a family but you are settling....maybe you need to evaluate exactly what you are doing. dont let your emotions get the best of you.-good luck
2006-07-16 23:34:51 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋