how would you feel?

Question

my ex was abusive and his new girlfriend told my son that I must have known how to push his buttons and I was probably cheating (I wasn't but I should have) Anyway my ex says that she is more of a mother than me.. I don't know how to fight this my son looks up to his dad and believes everything he says.

Answer 1

Sons always think their dads are heros.. no matter how big of a loser they are.. who cares what she says.. she is the loser who got sloppy seconds and is putting up with his crap now and not you.. and maybe he isn't beating her because she is the type of woman that has low self-esteem anddoeseverything he says.. we'd all have perfect marriages if the other person did what we wanted.. You were prob.. the strong woman who wouldn't stand to be treated like crap and stood up for yourself and he didn't like that and kept trying to put you in your place.. he is just saying that she is more of a mother than you because he knows that he can push your buttons because you take pride in being a good mother and he tries to hit you were it hurts.. just ignore it all.. (I know it's hard) but in the end if your patient your son will grow up and see him for his true colors and respect you for not making him make that decsion for him by forcing negative thoughts about his father..

Answer 2

Your son will be able to tell what kind of person his father is like when he gets older, he looks up to him right now because little boys need their daddy's but that wont last forever. As far as him saying that shes a better mother than you he only says that because he is abusive and now that your not with him anymore he is using the one thing he knows will hurt you. He still wants to control your life and he knows he make you said and think about what he said and let him have more control in your life. My ex-husband hit me all the time and we have an 18 month old son he would use my son against me to because he knew that he couldn't hurt me any other way. He would tell me that he was going to take him some where else where I would never see him again and someone could take better care of him he was an a**hole, just like yours sounds. Your son will love you because you take care of him and love him. I dont let my ex see our son because I dont want that kind of influence on my child. He would teach him to be a manipulating, abusive, rapeing, non-working jerk just like him. Maybe you should do the same.

Answer 3

Right now the best thing you can do is ignore your ex and never say anything bad about him or his new girlfriend in front of your son. Say to your son you're sorry his dad feels the way he does about things and then let it go. Children aren't stupid they see and hear more than we know. There will come a time when you're son will realize on his own what the truth is. And because you conducted yourself with respect you will come out of this the winner.

Answer 4

Just sit back and get ready to laugh at your ex new girlfriend because she is about to push the same buttons as you did. If he is abusive as you say she will find out soon enough and believe me, she WILL find out. Children are not dumb your son will figure a lot out without your explainations. Don't worry about a thing just sit back and watch what happens with her.

Answer 5

A "good mom" would never say something like that to your son. That's awful. As long as your son knows you better than that, and surely he must, you just need to talk to your boy about it, so he knows from you that it's a lie. I feel so bad for your situation. Just keep loving your son, and try (though it would be hard I imagine) not to sink to your ex-husband's girlfriends level. I just think the most important thing is to express your feelings with your son, and maintain your dignity. I wish you the best, Jill

Answer 6

You could try to tell your son your side; giving examples of how his father was abusive, etc. But if your son believes everything his dad says, then you may not can do much about it.

Just realize that your son wont be that age forever. He will almost certainly see things more correctly when he gets older, even if he doesn't now.

Answer 7

First, your son is going to love you conditionally. If the girlfriend tells your son these things, ask your son to let the girlfriend know that it bothers him that she would talk about his mother this way. It doesn't matter what your ex says, he's abusive right, remember, that's away to hurt you once again...Since he's abusive in nature, wait until his new girlfriend and him get really comfortble together, he will do the same thing to her. Don't think she special. She will in-turn learn the hard way. Stress to your son, if the girlfriend makes comments to degrade his mother, it is truly not appreciated, it shows lack of respect for your son's feeelings. Good Luck....Don't let him control your feelings, anger, sadness, lack of self-esteem, He will win,,,,,again. Take control over yur feelings, wake up every morning and tell yourself, I love me... This will help you conquer is control issues he has over you.

Answer 8

Talk to your son openly about it. Tell him that when he is older, he will understand that his Dad is just angry and says mean things sometimes. Dad's new girlfriend is just jealous.

It is a shame that your ex and his girlfriend are using your son as a pawn to try to hurt you. Talks to you son often and don't worry about what your ex says. Kids usually figure it out for themselves by the time they are in their late-teens, but until then you need to clarify it for him.

Answer 9

Just keep telling your son that the accusations are not true, know in your heart you are a good mother, doing the best you can, and leave the rest to the Lord (if you believe).

Answer 10

You probably need to step up your parenting game a ton. I'm not saying you're a bad mom, don't get me wrong...but your son right now needs to feel confident in you being his mom. Don't even let it be an option for the new girlfriend to step in as his mom. Devote as much time as humanly possible to your son and pay him extra attention.