My fiance asked me once if I had herpes. Is that a insensitve question?

Question

We are both in our 30's. And I have never had sex with anyone. He was the first guy I fooled around with. When he was touching me down there it hurt. So he asked me if I had herpes. Then I was very offended for him asking such a question. He said it could be conjenital. But my parents were virgins before they got married. I am East Indian and my fiance is White. In my culture it is inapproperate for unmarried people to have sexual intercourse or even fool around. So I was hurt when he asked me that. He mentioned to me one time that when he was in high school his girl friends sister had herpes and she was a virgin. And that's why he asked me if I had herpes. He appologized for being insensitive and we got enaged a month later. He is a great guy in every way. He is loving, he is very encouraging, affectionate, a great cook etc, etc. But him asking me this question really hurt my feelings. So am I over reacting? Is it a normal question a guy should ask?

Answer 1

Although you're of East Indian culture, if your fiance is American, it would be entirely common for him to ask this since he comes from a much more sexually promiscuous country.

Answer 2

Yes, you are overreacting, but only because in
America, it is stressed that you and your partner talk openly about any diseases/conditions each of you may have. He wasn't being insensitive. In fact, in general, it's always a good idea for both parties to get tested before getting married. You should be asking questions like he is. I understand that the East Indian culture is a little more private about things like this, but it's only a little cultural difference and nothing to lose sleep over or feel hurt about.

Answer 3

I have one friend who got herpes from her mother at birth. I think, do not quote me on this, that people can also get venereal diseases from public showers. He most likely was not acussing you of not being a virgin, if he knew at that point your cultures views on the subject. If he did not know at that point how you felt about premarital sex, then he was just being careful. In such a sexually promiscuous culture, a guy can not be too careful. If you are happy together, let your hurt go. It will only damage you relationship if you hold on to this.

Answer 4

Insensitive? Absolutely not. He asked this question with both of your best interests in mind. You say that in your culture it is "inappropriate" for unmarried people to have sex or fool around, but here you are, unmarried and fooling around with a guy. It probably seemed very reasonable to him to think that he might not be the first.

Yes. You are overreacting. This is a perfectly legitimate question for a person to ask another person before they are intimate.

Answer 5

If you have never fooled around, you wouldn't have herpes on your genitals.

Herpes virus produces lesions at the site of entry into the body, where it sets up housekeeping and lives in the nerve ganglia. Mothers with active gential herpes infections are delivered C-section as not to transmit the virus to the baby. Herpes virus do live on surfaces for a brief period of time so, it is possible for someone to get herpes from a towel, but this is unlikely. It is also possible for someone to get herpes on the genitals from oral sex with someone with herpes on the mouth (cold sores).

As to American guys, many are totally insensitive. I also have to wonder if this fellow respects your culture. Doesn't sound like it.

Answer 6

People totally talk openly about sex, and it's good considering the amount of STD's around. He offended you, but his question was legitemate. he probably could have found a more sensitive way to ask, I mean just because you were in pain doesn't mean you have a disease. Maybe he was being too rough! Or maybe you just were not used to the touch and were uncomfortable. But I wouldn't hold it too strongly against him, he is probably afraid of catching an STD, maybe worried about it his whole life, and so his mind jumped to his worst fear when you were in pain. It probably had nothing to do with you in particular.

Answer 7

it is slightly insensitive, yet you're slightly overreacting over a question. in case you had herpes, you will tell him, precise? besides, as quickly as you have herpes, you have it for all times. And concerning to the virgin with herpes...it is available. Like if somebody has a chilly sore, it is mouth herpes, they touch it and in the event that they then touch their genitals, they are able to grant themselves genital herpes. besides, if it harm while he touch you...herpes does not even artwork that way...became into he touching your establishing or some thing? possibly it harm considering you have been frightened or some thing. such as you reported, on your lifestyle that's beside the point for single human beings to have sexual intercourse or perhaps fool around. it is not precisely a classic question...yet hiya, you adore him, you could forgive him.

Answer 8

I don't think he should have asked you anything like that. I honestly dont think a virgin can get herpes. Maybe you are sensitive there. Its like the first time you have sex, its gone hurt you because that skin has never been stretched before.

Answer 9

He might have been a bit more tactful, but it's a perfectly normal and prudent question. Relax. The people who are closest to you will hurt your feelings frequently, and almost always unintentionally. It doesn't mean they don't love you.

Answer 10

No, it's not a normal question to ask someone ..... unless you have blisters or something..................since you still got engaged you should be over this now so enjoy each other and it'll pass. One day you may be able to joke about it.