Should I divorce him after 24 years?!?!?

Question

My husband has never had any respect for me. EX: Stays out all night without a call home(this as happened on numerous occasions). With excessive drinking becomes a total a**hole. Never apolgizes no matter how much hurt he causes, somehow it's always my fault. I stayed all these years because I thought it would benefit my children, unfortunately, my eldest is just as disrespectful and irresponsible as my husband. I really can't take it anymore. Hope some words of wisdom will boost me up some.

Answer 1

You should have left years ago; don't waste another minute! I had one like that and I tried to stay for the kids until his lifetyle almost cost me my kids, now I thank God for that wakeup call. My new life is so wonderful. I just married the most wonderful, sweetest man a month ago, and I have my kids and life gets better everyday; just pray and the Lord will be with you through hard times, and thank him daily for his blessings.

Answer 2

Sounds like you've made a pretty convincing case for divorce and to seek some happiness for what remains of your life on earth. There's no observable benefit to stay where you are. Divorce doesn't guarantee anything will get better, but if you're an independant person with a job/career that allows you to support yourself, and maybe you have some friends or other relatives as a support group, then you at least have a chance to seek and find something more pleasing than you have now. After I ended a first stressful marriage, and before finding the pleasing one that I'm in now, my philosophy was that "I'd rather be happy single, than unhappy coupled". To me this meant that I was prepared to go it alone and not rely on being able to marry again. Some people need to be in a relationship, even if the relationship is a bad one....but that doesn't work for me. So now you have some decisions to make, none of which should be without care and complete consideration for how you will structure your new life, if a new one you set out to seek.

Answer 3

Classic...

I was married for 13 and a half years and went through the same, well similar situation. My ex did pretty much the same thing. Well for your benefit and that of the children that are still home, a divorce is not out of the question. However, there could be a simple little thing like counseling to help. Yet I seem to feel that its past that point now.
The oldest child you have can still be corrected if taken out of the situation where they see it from the father. If they see it and you dont do anything about it, then they will do it to you as well and eventually the spouse they will have in the future.

The choice is totally yours. You can make it without him and if he is cheating, which is most likely because of the situations. His guilt allows him to place the blame on you and not on himself.
You are the only one who can take control of what happens in your life and no one should make you feel that you are at fault for their own wrong doings.

Good luck friend....

Answer 4

This is a hard one and unfortunately for you, only you can answer it. If you want advice, I have much to give: LEAVE HIM. I wasn't married that long but had three sons and that was the one thing that worried me more than anything was would they end up like him, being around him? We divorced. Those 3 sons, by the way, have all turned out great. It wasn't easy but unconditional love for them was all they needed.

This bum doesn't deserve your love/respect. Men like him make me sick. You sit back while he treats you horribly then you're so screwed up by the time you get the courage to leave, he'll make you think you can't do it without him. The last thing my ex said to me was "You'll never make it without me." Within 3 years, I was making a salary in excess of $50,000. He will play all these mind games on you. You have to be strong. Life does go on and you know what? Being along is so much better than being with a jerk. Maybe wierd at first, but well worth it. You will learn to love yourself again. And your children will see that and begin to respect you again (slowly, perhaps).

Pray, Pray, Pray. God will see you though this. Find a good church and get involved. We do get closer to the Lord in times like this and He's just so happy we do it at all. He loves to hear our voices cry out to him.

Good luck.

Answer 5

I think in your mind, you already know what you need to do but your heart, after that long of a period of time, is trying to convince you otherwise. However, it is pretty clear from me just reading this and not knowing you, that you are in a very unhealthy marriage, and with his setting an example as he is, with lack of respect, lack of being responsible, well you said it yourself, "You are seeing it in your oldest son already...." That is so sad as I am sure you stayed thinking things were better this way, than divorced or staying for the sake of the kids, and things will get better. I think that unless he has a rude awakening, with his drinking problem and all, he is not going to wake up and smell the coffee, ya know? So to me, as difficult as I know this is, if you can't get him to work on things, see things or want to be there, with you, then it is past due for you to get out and take care of yourself. My heart goes out to you. I know that it is a difficult decision but once you do it, and you find peace in your daily life, and it's going to take time, then you'll know you made the right decision. Even to see your other kids benefit from your strength, of not accepting all of it anymore, is a great example and may be a lifechanging event for them. I wish you all of the best, be strong, have faith, and keep on working on YOU! You're worth it, you deserve a better life! Go for it! Go and talk to somebody too, it always helps. Good luck!

Answer 6

24 years or 24 days. It doesn't matter how long you have been married. You gave him chances. He hasn't changed and probably never will. Get out and live life for yourself and for any other children you have. Hopefully after being away from the father your eldest will straighten up.
However if you do leave be prepared for your husband to try and get you to come back. Don't fall for it.

Answer 7

Well, Sister, I left my ex after 20 years. Still had a 15 yr. old at home, but I just couldn't take it anymore. I made plans beforehand. I made sure I had a separate bank account and would put every penny I could into it. His example has made a bumb out of your child, too. It's not your fault; he just needs a doormat and a scape goat. Make your "flight" plans, and when you go, don't look back. He's not going to change. God Bless.

Answer 8

Marriage takes work from both parties. At this point, you're doing all the work.

If you love him, and want to make it work, perhaps you can suggest counseling. If he refuses, then that's a signal that he's not interested in salvaging your relationship, and at that point, I'd consider leaving him.

If you no longer love him, then I would consider a divorce. Starting over after 24+ years will be scary, but in time you'll find the happiness each of us deserves.

Answer 9

well i feel for you a bad relationship is not good no matter if it is one year or 24 all you have done is waste 24 yrs of your life,and shown your kids that it is alright to be treated that way.I would leave,I have been through 5 different realationships and the last one has lasted 16 yrs. the right person is out there but if your not looking they can not find you.

Answer 10

It sounds to me like you're in a tough spot, and you're not very happy. You deserve better than this! I don't know all the details of the relationship, so I can't tell you exactly what to do... Just try to follow what your heart says! I hope everything works out for the best!