I'm 24 and married..on every argument i get from my husband..he tell me that i'm a baby and that i need to grow up..i'm quite sick and tired..of that...i feel stressed and frustrated..i worked..i earned just like him..when he have to find excuses..he comes up with..you are my friends..you need to help me..i do but when it comes to me..he says..you know what to do..i never get ideas from him and ne doesn't mind asking though..Also i clean up his mess and that doesn't bother him for me to play the slave..he also will tell me to go do this and then..why don't he handle some responsibilty as well...i have to remind him for everything why don't he? He likes to go out a lots..he already knew since the beginning that i don't lke to go out and waste my times cause i don't feel at ease socially..he still blames me...i try my best still to go certain places but i don't think that i should feel obliged goign here and there when i could my pending stuff at home as i work whole weeks..
2006-07-16 13:11:10 · 6 answers · asked by Cutelara 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Every times he wants me to go out with him...i tell him i have house works to do..he said ..leave it..he'll do it when we come back..when we come back..we are too tired..and i have then to find out times during the weeks to do what i have been unable to do..then if he find mess..he'll say that..why the house is so messy..can't you clean it..couldn't you iron my shirts...that's ridiculous..loke women are born to slave out...
2006-07-16 13:14:12 · update #1
I am not sure how you are reacting in arguments. Everyone can use some more emotional maturity. When he asks you to leave what needs to be done ask him if he will help you get it done before going out so you can both relax and not worry about it - also if you do it together it will take half the time.
Not sure what to say to the other parts - sounds like he wants a domineering woman to make decisions, but then he orders you around. Next time he orders you around respond that you enjoy doing stuff for him, but expect to be asked with courtesy and expect some appreciation. He sounds a little imature and selfish. Ask him why he feels you need to grow up or what about you is immature. Specific examples help as (I mentioned before) people don't always realize the way they are behaving. When he tells you that you know what to do respond that you appreciate his vote of confidence, but would like to work together on it so you can spend time together and get it done faster. Try talking to him in a non-confrontational manner. "Honey, I know you don't mean it this way, but when you ___________, I feel_____________." Treat him like a kid and give rewards, bribes and non-retalitory punishments (by this I mean make sure you are being reasonable and not spiteful). Sounds childish, but we all respond to good and bad reinforcements. Try being a little more assertive - you need to learn to value yourself and to expect the same value from others. People never act how you expect them to, but the only people who use doormats are ones with dirty feet.
2006-07-19 07:52:21 · answer #1 · answered by Jill M 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Put some rules down and stick to them.
Stand up for yourself.
In fact, do something for yourself, anything. When was the last time you did something for you?
Sometimes being selfish is a good thing, and it sound like in this
case, you need to.
Then ask yourself the question. Am would I be happier without him? Or shall I live with him, and continue to be unhappy.
If you are not ready for that yet, then get some counseling,
both of you.
2006-07-16 20:49:09 · answer #2 · answered by rjm96 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your husband is a jerk! That being said, if you are commited to working things out, I'd look for a marriage counselor so you can both get things out in the open in a safe environment. If he's not willing, then you spell it out to him. The next time he tries getting out of an argument by telling you to grow up, you tell him flat out that it's not ok to talk to you like that and leave. I bet he'll learn real quick when you refuse to even continue in that fashion.
2006-07-16 20:32:38 · answer #3 · answered by acholtz@verizon.net 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry to say this. But you're husband is not worthy of your presence. Because if he isn't taking the time out to help with chores, and daily life problems, then he doesnt deserve you. He doesnt clearly respect you, if he tells you to go around and do this and that. You deserve a man that will be willing to do anything for you, whenever you need him to do something, because that's what "real" men are supposed to do. Real men don't mope around, and tell the women to do something for them, they do it themselves. You should be with a guy that listens to you, instead of telling you to drop this, because you cannot just drop certain things, because you have responsibilities, and people need to realize that nowadays. I just wish you the best and I hope God will send you a guy who really enjoys and wants to do things for you.
2006-07-16 20:21:28 · answer #4 · answered by Danyizzle 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you and your husband are not communicating effectively. If you two can't fitgure out how to speak with each other and have a mutual dialog, you should maybe see a counselor together that can help you both learn how to communicate effectively - He needs to learn how to listen.
2006-07-16 20:26:21 · answer #5 · answered by voxwoman 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your husband is an ***. I would divorce him if I were you but if you really love him. I guess you could try to make it work.
2006-07-16 20:24:47 · answer #6 · answered by maxie 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋