He's younger than me and really wants kids. I've never wanted children but thought I would probably change my mind as time went on. Well, I want them even less now. We're only one year into this marriage. Should I maybe just leave him? I love him to death, but I recognize that depriving him of this is unfair and surely too much to ask.
2006-07-16 12:30:27 · 17 answers · asked by honeybee 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You need to talk to him soon. Here is some advice for the conversation: First, if your marriage started under the assumption that one day you would have kids, you need to apologize to him and tell him that you realize you should have been more upfront from the start. However, you should also remind him that individuals are allowed to change their minds and you now realize there is no way you will ever have kids (with him, or anyone else). Tell him that you realize your mistake, are firm in your current beliefs and though you care for him greatly, you don't want to deprive him of his need to have children and wish to set him free as soon as possible. Be certain that he knows you are trying to do the right thing for him. He may believe this is an excuse to leave him; reassure him it's not.
If it's the actual birth that's troubling you (ouch!), consider adoption. If it's the burden of raising children (I have two myself and fully respect that rationale!), then do not enter into motherhood of any kind for your husband's benefit.
2006-07-16 12:39:28 · answer #1 · answered by djbreslin 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If he wanted children, you knew it and married him anyway it puts you in a bit of a dilemma. It is past due for you to say I never want children and will not have any. Then he can decide how long it will be for him to leave. At 30 I did not want children. At 35 with two sons I wondered what I was thinking. At 50+ I wish I'd had more. Maybe you should examine your objection before the biological clock stops.
2006-07-16 12:39:37 · answer #2 · answered by Flagger 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you feel so strongly that you do not want to have children then you need to be true to yourself.
Children only have one mother and they deserve to have a good mother, who loves them.
Tell your husband your feelings and be honest.
If this helps you any; I did not want to have children either. I became pregnant and I have NEVER had such a wonderful surprise as how much I loved being a mother. My whole life changed in a great way! It does not mean an end to your career. There are many career mothers. Possibly you would enjoy motherhood much more than you would ever imagine???
Just a thought.. Good luck!!
2006-07-16 12:47:01 · answer #3 · answered by LittleBitOfSugar 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why can't you go thru having a child for him? What has made you change your mind in the past year? Maybe you need to do some real soul searching within yourself. He will be terribly hurt when you tell him, but you need to. This was a dream of his, which you agreed to, and now have smashed it one little year later. Please-I am not putting you down. You and he will need guidance, lots of love, lots of time soul seraching (both of you), and finding other options. If you truly love him and he you, you will find a way to get thru this. My prayers are with you and in hoping you make it to 50 years.
2006-07-16 13:00:11 · answer #4 · answered by HolidayGurl 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to be honest with him and have a heart to heart talk. Don't even consider having children just to make him happy, thinking that someday you'll learn to love being a mother. It's not fair to you, him, or the child. If he desperately wants to be a father, maybe you should leave him to find someone who can give him children, but let him decide what he wants and needs, not you. Good luck.
2006-07-16 12:35:30 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You guys need to go to marriage counseling to deal with this. It's incredibly unfair to marry someone and tell them you are on the same page about something SO important as children, then just break their heart.
This is the reason divorce rates are so high. No one takes it seriously.
2006-07-16 12:36:01 · answer #6 · answered by miasayswhat 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you two should really discuss this. He may love you enough to be willing to forego children. He may not, but don't just leave him without talking about it first.
And don't have a child if you don't want one! I am impressed with your self-honesty. Now you really have to be honest with your husband - let HIM tell you "I can't stay married to you if we can't have children" don't just assume that's what he'll say.
Best wishes to you.
PS there are plenty of men who want to remain child-free. So if you do break up, you should be able to find someone eventually.
2006-07-16 13:37:25 · answer #7 · answered by voxwoman 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The important thing is how does he feel? Have you expressed your concern to hubby? Some times a woman doesn't know she wants to be a mom until she is already a mom. I never wanted kids. Had two because my hubby wanted them and its the best thing I ever did. My children are the things that keep me going.
2006-07-16 12:33:46 · answer #8 · answered by physandchemteach 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
TALK TO HIM dont hide your feelings from him. He needs to know your thoughts on this , and together you can work something out COMMUNICATION is the KEY !!!!! IF you both love each other enough you'll find a compromise.. Good luck
2006-07-16 12:35:50 · answer #9 · answered by RM802001 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Talk to him. Now. Children are a big deal and if you are certain that you never want them, you need to tell your husband now.
2006-07-16 12:56:39 · answer #10 · answered by KP 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋