my son is 9 years old within a month or so he is losing his temper and gets mad quick,i have tried rewards?

Question

i',m lost and fusterated it's over little things maybe like and example may be me giving him a time limit on taking him and a friend to a place thats all the time i had he got mad bent my kitchen rod.threw items at me i mean just lost it.I'm really concern for him.There has been no changes in the house as far as i know,He went to church camp and he had no eposdies he he did well from what his dorm father said.

Answer 1

Get your husband involved.

Nobody has the inpact on a child as the samed sex parent.

Answer 2

has he always been like this or the cange happened recently? Think about how he was raised. does it happen often that he wants something, he was promised to get it "later" and then he never got it? that might be a reason, because he just can't trust people. it is often seen in children of parents who don't live together and switch parents a lot.
another reason is that maybe he just learned that that is the way to get things. when he was little, u were at a toy store, he wanted a toy, u said no, he had a tantrum, u got the toy to calm him dow, he calms down. if that has happened and continues to happen, no wonder he does it. he just thinks that this is the way to get what he wants.
i think u should try time outs, even though he is older. the moment u see him getting upset, sit him down in a place, like his bed (has to be the same place every time), end u go to ur room, for example. tell him u will discuss what it after he calms down. start with 15 minutes in the beginning. as time goes by, he'll learn to calm himself down quicker.
or maybe u can see professional help so that both of u know how to deal with the stress when it comes to situations like that and also learn some calming techniques.
good luck!

Answer 3

What's missing is a Dad. My son about the same age has the same problem. Dad is the governor on this behavior. He has made his son realize how wrong that behavior is. He told me that he is glad his Dad is tough because he told me that otherwise he would be really bad. Leave him alone with his mother and she cannot control him. Dad comes into the picture and all is well. When he wants something he always comes to Dad, not Mom. Dad is his hero. Dad is the most important person in his life, he thinks but truly Mom looms pretty important. Moms are the nurturers. Dads are the man creators who teach sons the right path versus the wrong path. Depending on the age of your son, he may need to go to a military school to get the discipline he needs. It is not good to allow a child to flaunt authority and get away with it. He already passed a heavy duty line by attacking you. That is what he did. You need to take drastic measures to save him. He needs to know when he hits, he gets hit back harder. He needs a masculine authority in his life who loves him with the tough love he needs. Military school is an idea. Now on the other side. Moms are always going on this side. They wonder what makes him so angry. Permissive parenting is mainly the culprit. Moms don't like to admit they are permissive, but they are. They allow all sorts of behavior a Dad would not allow. You show me a permissive Mom without a Dad in the picture and you see children exactly like yours. Not the Mom's fault. She is the nurturer. Children truly need a Mom and a Dad. Moms and Dads have different roles. Both are needed by children. I was raised by a single Mom. I had a terrific temper. I never struck my Mom nor threw anything at her when I was of age. She did tell me that when I was still a baby I threw the bottle at her in a little fit of anger. I sure got spanked a lot as I grew up, but an all boys school with teachers who didn't mess around and military life in the Viet Nam era made a man out of me that my Mom is very proud of, to listen to her. So it is not the end of the world. I am alarmed by the fact he threw something at you. This is serious. It will only get worse. You need counseling to come up with a real solution to save your son. You need to do it now. Don't put it off. He needs to find out there is a consequence to his temper being acted out, and it ain't rewards.

Answer 4

Keep your cool. Giving him a same sex roll model is a great idea. he can see and learn how to behave like a man. Also keep him in a positive atmosphere, try calming activities, things that don't get him riled up at home. Painting, Drawing, Flying a kite, Going on Bike rides or walks. Give him some special responsibilities that make him feel like he is doing good things. Keep the home life open and safe. Also you need to let him know that you are that parent. You make the rules and he needs to abide by them. Show him that losing his temper and trowing things isn't the way to get anything. If he throws a fit, let him throw it. just make sure that he is safe and that you are too. If you can't get through to him try some child counseling. It sounds scary, but sometimes kids don't know how to express their feelings. It's sometimes easier to talk to someone the isn't involved. Also let him know that it is always okay to come and talk to you. If you always keep that open, it will help with problems that may come up down the road.

Answer 5

maybe the dorm father did something to him sexually , just a thought, something changed in the past month. but u need to get him into anger management or theropy n find out, bc if it gets worse then u may lose it all togther, dont let that boy tear up ur stuff either maybe a good hand slap or a butt spankin will do him good n its not child abuse either. u better get control on him now bc he gets worse but u need to also find out what happened at that camp, bc i think that is where it may have started.

Answer 6

You really need to consult your local mental health clinic. It could because he doesnt transition easily from one activity to another or because he suffers from high anxiety. You can help curb this by being consistant ( This action results in this effect) and follow through every single time even if it means it makes your day hell. In the long run, he will know what is acceptible behavior and knows the outcome of it. I have set up my 9 year old to seek a therapist myself. Instead of angry outbursts, he cries constantly. i know that as he ages, these crying outburst will turn to anger. i saw this in my brother who is ADHD and I also have an autistic son who has meltdowns. You need to create a combination of his getting help to know how to cope and for you to know how to approach it and follow through. It is a damn hard job and "spanking" doesnt always work. If spanking worked dont you think I would use it? lol My autistic son laughs, he likes the deep pressure, the turkey. he is also self injuring and does more damage then i would dream of doing to him. But becasue I have a cause and effect that is solid, his meltdowns have almost dissappeared. Gl and please seek help...its not weak for a parent to admit they cant handle doing it alone anymore..it takes courage! We were not handed a manual when we had kids, we sometimes need professionals to help guide us. :)

Answer 7

Well, I would check into two things.....first, is puberty, he is a little young, but these are some of the symptoms......though they would ahve shown more at camp....second....he is beginning to be rebellious, and is testing the limits.....hold firm, and get the father involved.......the two of you should put on a strong front, and draw the line in the sand

Answer 8

maybe you had spoit him to much,giving way to him too much? buy giving all that he wanted, you will lost your authority as a mother.. he will also lost respect over you. when you love your child,dicipline in a right way.do not spare the rod. if he doesnt listen to you,dicipline him by hook or by crook! as long as you know that the measures you use doesnt go beyond the limit. it is okay to wack him,show him that you are his mother,who deserves a respect from him.sometimes children who does not really see how parents get very angry will tend to think that you can not do anything with them.how can a child respect or obey you if you do not even know how to use your authority as a mother? as the Bible say, " who he/she loves thy child,do not spare the rod". it wont kill him by just caning him, just let him know that you are capable in diciplining. tell him that because he cant dicipline in a nice words,so you get him by crook... let him understand that children have to be obedient with their parents. and not all the thing that they wanted will be given. there is always a limit in everything.

Answer 9

Is there any chance he could be the object of abuse at school, church, friends house, anywhere? If this has come "out of the blue" get professional help. Pediatrician, doctor, minister, priest all can point you in the right direction. I wouldn't piddle around with this one.

Answer 10

try getting him involved in sporting events or after school activities. maybe he needs a little self esteem boost. i am saying this because mentors change the lives of many children. their also a lot cheaper than a therapist.

something else you might want to look at, who is he hanging out with? maybe his friends could be part of the problem.

good luck to you, hope all works out.

Answer 11

ok i know this might seem a bit like im playing the race card but i know white folk do this too but growing up in a black household one that i learned is that you need to beat his a** and beat everytime he talks back gets smart trows stuff dont matter if he wants to throw a temper tantrum best his a** and give him a reason why hell stop soon enough