I'm so lost. I need help out of this nightmare please!?

Question

My fiance, Will, is down in Georgia dealing with getting his probation transfered to our "home state" of N.C.
He has had a drug problem since he was a teenager, he's now in his early 20's. I am madly in love with this man but my family hates him. There's no changing that right now.
I'm living with my mother again, who is an alcoholic. She doesn't want me having ANY contact with him. If I do have contact with him then I have to get out of her house.
I dont know what to do, he's in Georgia but is coming up to NC in a week, he then is to be looking for a steady job and an apartment.
I'm really scared to leave my mother's house and go live with him (if he gets his life together) but I can't live with my mother. She has serious issues and all I want is to be happy finally after everything I've gone through, but I know I can't have that if I'm under her roof. But leaving isn't that simple because of my fiance's drug history, I'm scared he'll end up messing everything up and then I'll have no where to go. I'll lose the little bit of nothing that I have right now.
I need help.
I dont know what to do or think anymore.

Answer 1

You have to live your life for yourself, Sweetie. Though you love this guy, you admit that he has issues and you are not certain that he is going to be able to straighten up. You are obviously mature enough to know that no matter what you decide to do about your boyfriend, you need to be out of your mother's house. If I were you I would work on securing a place to live for myself before I worry about boyfriend or anyone else. Put yourself first and you have an answer to your question...you will have somewhere to go, you will have something of your own, you will be away from a lot of your problems and you will have time to think about continuing your relationship with your boyfriend.

If he loves you as much as you love him, then he will only want what's best for you. He will understand that you have doubts about him straightening up his act and he will show you how much you mean to him by either quitting the drug use or letting you go.

You have some tough decisions to make but, I am sure that if you put your well being first you will come out a winner all around. Between the two of you , you sound like you have the better head on your shoulders. You didn't say how old your are so I don't know how much of this will help you. If you are old enough to secure employment then do so and find a place of your own. Someone in this realationship will have to step up to the plate and be a responsible adult.

Do the math Sweetie, your mother can't; he won't; so you have to. Take care of self first and the rest will follow. Good luck. May God bless you and keep you in his arms. I will pray for you.

Answer 2

My dear girl you are stuck in a pattern of the lesser of two evils. Do you think everything you see your mother doing and going through as an alcoholic is really that much different then one who has a drug problem and will be on probation? Many gals these days head to school to further their education even if it's two days a week while they work to get a better job and not have to live with anyone, unless you just want to roommate with someone who isn't emotionally involved with you. You can find a job and training and get help from some kind of aid that will help you pay for school and living expenses, you won't be rich but you will not be depending on anyone either. Especially with people that have dependency problems. I really hope the best for you, you are still very young and a lot of years ahead of you .

Answer 3

First off ask yourself why you love this man? Then ask yourself if you will still love this man when he is 30 with the same problem? Now 40 with a worse problem? What I am getting at here is that he will probably continue this same behavior the rest of his life. Only one person can change him and his name is Will. Here is what I would do if you really do love him. You need to become independent. You need your own place away from him and away from your mother so you can make your own decisions. It may mean you might have to get a roommate to help with bills but this will give you a place of your own if it doesn't work out. Say you do take him back and he still does the same stuff gets caught goes to prison. You won't have to worry about having a roof over your head because you will have your apartment. Then you won't have to try to go back to your mothers either. You will be on your own making your own choices and you won't be forced to live with him or without him.

Answer 4

If you are in an unhealthy situation, its important that you take care of yourself first. If you can't take care of yourself then you won't be able to help your fiance. It is also extremely important that you talk to him about the concerns that you have about him getting back into old habits. You may love him, but a life of constant worry and stress is not the way to live. By asking questions and trying to figure things out together, it will help you in the long run. He should understand that you are just trying to take care of him and help him through his hardships. That's what marriage should be based on. Communication. And if your parents are proving to be a problem, talk to them about it too. If they just aren't going to have it then you need to do whats best for you. Consider all your options and then take the steps to try and make your life better. Tell them that you are just trying to do what feels right and that you only have good intentions. Stay positive, you'll get there.

Answer 5

first of all it sounds like your mom has a problem drinking, she has no right to talk. second of all your boyfriend need to get a job before he can get a place. you need to stay put. you should tell him when he gets it's together then he should call. people can change if they want to. but you have to make sure this is really what you want. if he goes down with the drugs when he get out you will be in a bad situation. they will take you with him. if they been in jail most of the time they will end up back in a month or a year. so you need to really think this out. boyfriend alwayss come and go and family is alway their.

Answer 6

life is not so simple so you need first of all to get your life together, forget about everything for now in order to fin a solution. first of all, you are living with an alcoholic woman, and you like an alcoholic this is not really a good thing to do. i have not been with an alcoholic before but i now there reaction when they get drunk, and you dont want to be in that position eventhough you like that men. what you need to do isto leave both of them and go on your own life. get a job, get a house and mouve to another place where u will see neither one of them cause most like when live with an alcoholic you have the opportunty to be an alcoholic to which is what you dont want to happen to you. or just tell the man the he cant come over until you two can fix you life,you with your mom, and him with his alcoholic problem, and after that based on the reaction of both of them you will find a way to solve the rest.

Answer 7

I think you should stay with your mother for awhile and give Will a chance to prove that he has changed, If you see change after a month or so, then go for it, If not then stay with your mother, until either he straightens up, or you could get your own place, and move on with your life. i know it will be hard, to get over someone that you deeply love, but time will heal your wounds, if he really loves you he should have no problems at all stopping his bad habit(s).

Good Luck!

Answer 8

this sounds like your going from one bad sitution to another. your mom is bad news, but your guy doesn't sound much better. i think you need to find a job and get your own place. your fiance needs to be in a place where he can be supervised. don't get me wrong, some drug user do turn their lives around, but a lot of them don't. you need to give him some time to deal with other issues before you marry him. if he goes back to using drugs, he could pull you down with him.

you have some tough choices to make. good luck, hope all works out.

Answer 9

It sounds like you're looking at going from the frying pan to the fire. Both situations you describe sound terrible. I think if I were in your shoes, I'd run as fast as I could from both mom and fiance and try to make a new life for myself. The best way to end a nightmare is to wake up.

Answer 10

I suggest finding a job, saving up money and moving out on your own, then see how he does with the drug problem and stuff. If you love him, try to get him some help, but if he doesn't want help, there isn't really anything that you can do.