do i stay in bad marriage just for sake of child?

Question

we have been together for over 12 years have a child.... sperated once for a bit... got back together finally got married 3 years ago... at the time i felt i was making the right choice a son needs his father and i didn't want my son being a angry young man cuz his mom and dad were not together anymore had many friends who had those issue growing up and they became very bitter and i was from a family were my own parents are married and happy after 36 yrs of marriage ... but i have been though so much with this man..... he's not phyical abusive but emotional is the hell i've been called every name in the book treated like dumb wit.... i can't do anything right for him.... and if i try to talk to him about my feeling he said i took him as he was for better or worse.......... well all i feel is worse i have become literally sick... had surgery 6 months ago for gall stones and now i'm always just struggling to get out of bed........... should i stay in till my son graduates?

Answer 1

if you stay, you might not live to see his graduation, with all the stress this man is giving you, i think your son would rather have a healthy mom, than no mom

Answer 2

I have heard alot of people say I'm staying because of the kids, but why would you want your son to live in an unhappy environment? Kids are smarter then we think. I think they can sense when the people around them aren't happy. I think two happy separated parents are better then two bitter parents staying together. Your son can still have a father even if you're not together. I would never put up with my husband verbally abusing me. You deserve better. I would leave not only for myself,but for my son. He will grow up thinking that the way your husband treats you is the way women are to be treated, and you don't want that to happen. It will be hard for everyone at first,but it only can get better.

Answer 3

You say you don't want your son growing up with issues,but you are showing him it is alright for a man to treat a woman with disrespect. Is this what you want for your son? Just because it didn't work out with this man does not make you a bad person,it just makes you a person who made the wrong decision . The same way you made that decision,you can make another. Let your son see that. It would be far worst for your son to grow up in that environment . Let him know that it is alright to think of his own happiness as you should be doing.Remember you are his example,and it does not alway take a man to raise a man.

Answer 4

Get out NOW!!! If your husband is doing this to you, your son sees and hears ALL of it and will get the message that it is ok for him to do the same to women when he grows up and has his own relationships. You aren't doing you or your son any favors by staying in this relationship.

I have been emotionally and mentally abusied by my ex husband and my parents. I too was beaten down by words for so long I started to believe them. Then, I started counseling and did the work the counselors required of me, and I read books about self-esteem, mental abuse, etc and did the work in those books. I eventually got to where I got my self esteem and self worth that I never had, left my ex husband (emotionally for a year, then physically). I have never been happier in my life!! I have since met someone that does NOT believe in abusing anyone, especially women. But, believe me, it took a lot fo work for me to get here.

I suggest you leave, get your own place or go to a women's shelter, get yourself and your son out of there, and divorce the jerk. He is NOT respecting or cherishing you, which is what everyone deserves. Start your life over. You can do it. It will be hard, but you can do it. Do it not only for you, but also for your son. Just think about this: do you want your son to treat you and other girls/women the way your husband treats you?

Answer 5

NO, ur son will be just fine, would u rather have a son who hates u for puttin up with verbal abuse n have ur son see what his father calls u all the time n thinkin that its ok to call u names and feel like s.h.i.t all the time, than have ur son know that u thought more about urself and him growin up in a home that dient call names n parents who love each otha? no one should be unhappy all the time n if he is callin u names all the time n he cant see it hurts u then he dont care enough bout u to matta, so move on tell him u r fed up with bein uphappy n u wont let ur son go thru a life where he sees or hears it anymore. verbal abuse is just as bad as physical abuse. no one deserves it, what is it that ur man thinks is good about callin u names n why does he think u should put up with it for betta or worse, especially if he has givin u no betta? maybe he should think bout whats makin him so unhappy. he just wants u to dump on bc he is a loser. get out now n teach ur child how life really should be.

Answer 6

This may sound weird but... My Mum recently left a 21 year old relationship for another guy --> who lets say treats her better. And she has never been happier, and neither have I (her 15 year old daughter) I think your son will pick up on the fact that you are staying there for him, and are becoming unhappier because of it. Then that will just make matters worse, your Son will begin to blame himself for your marriage problems, if he feels you are only holding it together for him.

Answer 7

It is not good for the children. I tried that and it makes a childs life miserable. Verbal abuse is often more harmful than physical abuse. If you need to be out of the situation you need ot leave, it hurts all of you. go to counseling. It is important to get you self esteem back and control of your self. the kids can still see there Dad. I lived in a verbal abusive marriage, My daughter liked it better when we wern't together not so much fighting. My son was young but he understands . As they get older they understand why you did it.And they can still love you both

Answer 8

Absolutely not, haven't you heard, Life is too short, and stress and depression can kill. You may be killing your own self by staying, No one deserves to be unhappy. If you love yourself, you will prepare yourself for the inevitable. Get Out. There are men out here that would love to have a good women as yourself, don't you think you deserve it ? When the time is right you will know, But do it before it's to late, and remember, " What ever doesn't kill you, Only makes you stronger.

Prayer is a powerful thing, but you have to want to make the change for your self first...

Good Luck...

Answer 9

Physical or emotional abuse is still abuse. If the child sees this behaviour, it may affect the way he treats woman when he is older. If you husband has destructive behaviour, it may be best to get out, if you can do it amicably and keep a relationship with the father after seperation, your son may have no long term ill effects of the split

Answer 10

I stayed in one for nineteen years. The only answer that worked for me was I would know when it was time. By this I mean: Do all you know to contribute to better the relationship, counseling, if not both of you atleast yourself. Give him every opportunity to respond in a positive way to what you are trying to accomplish. The main thing is to work on yourself. Build your own confidence in your self worth. Get a sense from your child how he/she is feeling about the family atmosphere. When you feel confident that you have given all you have to trying to make this work you will know what the next step is. Your child will respect your effort and in the event things don't work out he/she will know that is was not an easy out for you, your husband will have to except accountability for his actions. If you stay and continue to be belittled what are you then teaching the child?

Answer 11

if you dont want to be there with your spouse and have people to help you and your baby then go . Don't you think your son could grow up being an angry young man having watched his parents argue or not even talk to each other and his parents unhappy all the time for his sake ?