my wife after 19 years wants to start going out to bars with her girl friends is this ok or is this a problem?

Answer 1

maybe shes bored...i see no problem with it as long as she comes home to you at night whats the big deal...

Answer 2

I've been married 19 years also. This may or may not be a signal that something is wrong. Men don't like to communicate well, but you need to ask her what's really going on. My advice - check her e-mail - even if she deleated it, you can check the computer history for deleted files - is she on the computer late at night?

Start treating her better. Bring home some flowers. Take her out to dinner. Plan a romantic vacation. Buy her some clothes or other gifts. Take her to places you used to visit when first dating.

Marriage is hard work - to keep it going you need to keep active - let her know that you still love her.

If she's just going out occasionally with her friends, that shouldn't be a problem, but you need to do the same. Trust is a big part of the relationship, but not as big as communication or showing how much you love each other.

Answer 3

I would think after 19 years and she has never done this before, there is something amiss. You must sit down and talk with her and find out why all of a sudden - she has this desire to go out drinking. I'm sorry, but when a married woman has to start going out to drink with friends, that door is going to swing open for something else to happen. She might just need more attention from you. Perhaps she is feeling neglected or caught up in the mid life crisis. Take some time to try and understand this need, but I would advise being very careful. I know if MY husband (if I had one) started going out with pals - I would be wondering about the motivation. Secure your marriage with deeper communication.

Answer 4

I know lots of women who feel like they just need some social time with other women... and usually people meet up at the bars where other people are socializing as well. Maybe suggest you two do that together some time... If it becomes an every week thing I would get a little concerned, but if it's once in a while with a couple girlfriends, I wouldn't worry.

Answer 5

If after 19 years you don't know her well enough to understand what that means in her case, you have a major problem, and asking strangers whether that is ok, I am sorry, that's just asinine.
Based on past experience I would suggest, be very careful, she may be looking to dump you.
Going out with her girl friends could just be a front, since she knows that demanding to go out by herself would ring every bell even in someone who trusts her.
And her girlfriends will cover for her.

Answer 6

Only you can answer that. You should know your wife by now. You have to think to yourself about what is propelling her towards this alone time. It very well could be an innocent hunger for more fun, or it could be an attempt to get you to take her out. Best advice I have is to either confront her lovingly and honestly and ask her if there is more you could be doing for her, or just sweep her off her feet again, but whatever you do, don't get pushy or desperate, it wont help at all.

Answer 7

If you let her go, you should start going out too. But since this is something that just started out of the blue, beware. My wife started changing her patterns after 15 years and now we are divorced. It was the best thing for me since we had basically fallen out of love with each other. Watch how she acts. If you want to save you marraige, start asking her to do things with you more often.

Answer 8

After 19 years of marriage what do you have to worry about? She needs to have fun and have a life. I have to tell you that I have not went out in years and my husband goes out pretty much every night so not only do I have resentment, but I'm going nuts (we have 1 vehicle).

Answer 9

Bored or not, you need to find out some things... First, it would depend on her choice in friends and whether they will protect her or let her get into trouble. Second, you need to find out where you and your wife are realistically in your marriage by sitting down, talking to her to find out her wants and needs. A buddy of mine lost his fiancee after a few of her so called friends took her to a bar, let her drink too much and wind up in a strange bed the next morning. She lost her worthless friends and her fiancee.

Answer 10

if its a problem to you then its a problem and thats all there is to it. if this is not something that YOU do while she sits at home and is not something that has been done in your marriage then something is up. she's unsettled in some way and she certainly isn't going to find the solution in the bar, i was a bartender trust me there are NO answers there! on the other hand, if its ok for you to do it then there is no way you can justify saying its not ok for her to do it and in that case the old paybacks are a b*tch theory applies and you need to suck it up. good luck!

Answer 11

Not a problem at all! She should have some fun in life with her friends and afterall, she can , now that she knows what it is like to be married and all.

You should also be allowed to go out with your friends too!

Why control people in your life? That seems to take the fun out of having fun, don't you think? Besides, the not knowing in life makes life that much more exciting too.