How did you survive divorce?

Question

I was divorced 6 months ago after a 20 year old marriage. My husband wanted the divorce and he's moved on very fast (new "serious" relationship etc.) but I seem to be stuck. I'm still in love with him although I shouldn't be. It's very painful. How did you survive your divorce?

Answer 1

Tough situation...sorry to hear that. I can't imagine 20+ years invested to see it lost so I'm sure its hard. However, it seems you have to let go. When I went through my divorce I didn't want it and I was still very much in love with her but, the best thing for me to do under the circumstances was to not sit around with an idle mind so thoughts of her wouldn't have me depressed. I started going out just to occupy my mind. You don't have run out to TRY to meet anyone per se but, if it happens in the natural flow of things let it take its course. Otherwise just find things you enjoy doing and start partaking. Even if its projects around the house or whatever. Its not mandatory that all your healing come from being out and about but, it would be good to get out when its feasible though. If you have a good friend with mutual interest then hanging out with that person would work well too. Find things to smile about and ways to make your days enjoyable. Whatever it takes so that you're not sitting around dwelling on your marriage or what your ex may be up to these days. Don't expect it to all vanish overnight though...things like this take much time.

Answer 2

Been there, done that, got the heart ache. I too was divorced after a 20 year marriage that I thought would last for ever. It was easy for him to move on since he had a woman on the side for two years, but I had a very difficult time. I was lucky enough to find a local divorce support group. The discussions helped me realize that things had really started to go bad long before the divorce, and to see that divorce is a beginning - not an end. Believe it or not - my "ex" and I get along very well now (which is good for the kids even if they are grown). I enjoy my life and would not be this way if I was still in that marriage. It is really hard to get through the first weeks and months. Try to look at the good things around you and try to laugh at the bad. You will slowly realize that you are laughing more often and the world is not so bad on your own.

Answer 3

The one thing that women tend to make a mistake about when they get married is to leave all their friends, careers, jobs, schools, social life behind. You still have to be you. Even when you divorce, you should not just be starting to 'figure you out'. Statistics indicate that men rush into relationships more quickly than women because they really are not emotional creatures and don't dwell on the issues of tears and memories. We do. I understand - but I had my music, my church, family, a daughter to care for, friends - I had a life - and I wanted the divorce. You can get 'unstuck'. There are support groups that you can start with if you need some help. Go to the movies, treat yourself well, get back into the flow of meeting people - and try to refrain from the "divorce story-wallowing'. Read self help books and pray for your joy to be returned to you. Get busy in life. There is much of it to live and people who need your love and attention.

Answer 4

After 15 years, my wife files for divorce. I was in a cloud for about a month then suddenly realized that all the things I regreted not doing in life were now available. Start dating. It will be weird at first, but then you realize that as adults it can be very exciting. Go on a trip, skydive, white water rafting, go do something thatyou've always wanted to do.

Answer 5

Same way we get from one place to another, one step at a time, dear.try to get enough sleep that you're feeling alert in the a.m. Force your self to put your make up on. Especially mascara (It will remind you to try not to cry

. Dress nicely and have a plan for the day. If you have to work, paste a smile on your face and do it

Go out with friends , visit family, join a group, church , take belly dancing lessons or volunteer to help with a charity. There will come a day when you wake and go all day with out thinking of him or hurting so much, if you don't shut yourself in and and life out.

.You're still young , girl, get out there and enjoy the freedom !I Good luck and God Bless!

Answer 6

I'm sorry. It seems as if your husband experienced a mid-life crisis and didn't take you along. The truth is, it may look like he's moving on fast... but he will take any dissatisfactions along with him. Please take time to allow yourself to heal. It may take years. It has been eleven years since my divorce. (It was my choice after a long term unrepentant infidelity by my wife). I am just now feeling as if I may be ready to have a good relationship.

Answer 7

Like it or not life gos on, like you have not heard that before, I was married 32yrs., I got very tired of being treated like his slave, I'm disable to top it off. If you can remove your self from the area do it, make sure your friends do not talk about him in front of you. Find your ON interests, join some clubs, volunteer in your city. You must let him go now what ever he does with his life is none of your concern, yes I know it hurts, close this door and get a grip on your life and move on, please.

Answer 8

One Day at a time. Set your self goals for the day. Try to acheve them. Start a new hobby, join a church group. What you need is something to take your mind off him. Good Luck.

Answer 9

I was going crazy all by myself, getting depressed, and almost suicidal.. I just had to find someone else. I was married 17 years. then her doctor put her on anti-depressants, and she went wild, and found another guy. That's the toughest thing I've ever been through in life.

Answer 10

do youhave children.. if so let them be what you survie for every day. I f no children how about Parents . You always have people and things to keep you busy. It is hard but you can survive . so keep busdy find someone to go out with too