I miss him very much, but Iam very angry and hurt over this. I really dont know the reason, but he keeps playing games with my head. One minute he is telling me he has had something going on with a another women, then the next he is accusing me of doing the same. He calls me when he feels like it, sometimes to start with me, calling me names. He called in the middle of the night when he was drunk, and started out nice then started yelling at me. He is driving me crazy, Im an emotional reck. I do not want to let him get the better of me. How can someone just turn off there feelings like that after so many years. He will be turning 40 next year. I just dont know? Im very empty inside right now. He is very difficult to talk to. I m afraid of rejection if I try to talk or let my guard down. I dont know if this is what he wants from me. Please help! how could someone fall out of love in just 3 weeks. He doesnt really see the kids either, too busy.
2006-07-16 11:52:35 · 10 answers · asked by carol s 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I suggest that you get some therapy for yourself, so that you can get yourself in a good place mentally. You need to be strong for not only yourself, but your daughters as well. I know that you want to ultimately work things out with your husband, but he seems very unstable and the drinking is a bad sign. I think you may need a protection order at some point if he is being so erratic. I'd start learning what services are available to you in your area and get the ball in motion. You can't count on working things out with your husband, so you must have a plan of action in mind for you and your daughters.
I'm not saying that your husband is bad or horrible, but you describe him as very unstable, so if it was me, I'd plan on being alone for a while at least til he's proved he is OK again, if ever.
2006-07-16 12:06:08 · answer #1 · answered by whatelks67 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First, let me say how sorry I am that your husband put you in this situation. I would rely on his response that there is another woman. People don't fall out of love in 3 weeks. Normally, the person that is having the affair is the one that is accusing their partner of doing it. For some reason it makes them feel better. I wouldn't put up with his abuse either. I would wait a while before you talk to him. Let him get his feelings into the right perspective. When he calls you on the phone let him know that you won't put up with the abuse, and if he persists, then let him know that your going to hang the phone up.It sounds to me that this has been going on for quite some time. Depending on how you feel, it may be time to hire a lawyer and start proceedings. Or, if you feel you can work it out with him and forgive him, maybe you two can go see a marriage counselor. I myself, don't believe in giving people a second chance if they cheated on me. But you may not have the same beliefs as I do. Whatever you do, make sure that your doing it for yourself, and not for him. and please, please, please, don't drag the kids into this. It's going to be hard on them as it is. I think it's time for you to make a decision as to what you want. Don't let him get the best of you with his headgames. I know this has to be hard, because I've been in the same situation. But believe me, it does get better. I wish you the best of luck.
2006-07-16 12:12:51 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wait a minute here, this seems very wrong to me. first of all why are you worried about what he wants from you? he bailed on you and your kids after all those years and you still want to worry about what will make him happy and what he wants? that seems kinda silly, doesn't it?
secondly, it doesn't matter WHY, is there any reason under the sun good enough for doing this? No there isn't, and whatever his reason was doesn't change the reality of the situation so again...the why doesn't matter! all that matters is what is!
yes he is playing games with your head now, but only because you continue to throw your head in the ring to be played with. take it back! refuse to play! don't talk to him when he calls! i know this is very, very hard but you have to look out for yourself and your kids. even if he came crawling home tomorrow wouldn't you just spend your life waiting for him to do it again.
this man has shown you his character BELIEVE WHAT YOU ARE SEEING! its very very tough but move on with your life, not to mention that putting an end to his ability to play games with you will be the biggest kick in the d*ck he's ever had, and if anyone ever needed one of those its this guy! DO WHAT IS RIGHT FOR YOU, NOT HIM. he lost the privelege of having what he wants be a factor in your decision making.
your focus HAS to be you and your kids, he took himself out of that equation and please don't think this is your fault, this is ALL him! why would you even contemplate forgiving him for doing this? you shouldn't. start looking ahead, for you and the kids, whats behind you is ugly and hard and sad and hurts, so leave it there and make different things for your future! you can do it! at first you may just have to imagine what you want your life to be (and don't put him in it, that makes the exercise worthless) then make a plan, with little steps to get there. make a list of what love looks and feels like, is this on it? keep yourself busy, anything to distract your brain from thinking about him....go dancing, its really hard to be sad when you are dancing, even if you are doing it at home with the kids! actually that can be great fun and take care of yourself! it feels like all the joy and possibilities are gone from the world, but they are there you just have to dig a little for them, he's buried them under a mountain of sh*t, its there though, don't give up! good luck to you!
2006-07-16 12:08:10 · answer #3 · answered by dappersmom 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He'll be 40 next year. Sounds like the male change of life. Tell the loser to take a walk. Maybe he needs AA?
2006-07-16 12:02:09 · answer #4 · answered by connor g 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Been married 13 1/2 years and we are separating Wed.
2006-07-16 11:59:54 · answer #5 · answered by mrsdebra1966 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am very sorry that you are having to go through this difficult time. He is obviously having some problems. I would strongly recommend counseling for the two of you (marriage counseling). If he is not willing, seek out emotional support through your church or counseling just for your self. Do not try to do this alone!
Best of luck....
2006-07-16 11:59:27 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
so long a good ridence to him. Just take cre of yourkids. It is hard to get over someone but is for the better at times. Just hang in there it will get better with time
2006-07-16 12:00:16 · answer #7 · answered by jingles_200 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hire a good divorce lawyer and take him to the cleaners. Don't let him mess with your head and don't take him back. It sounds like mid-life crisis run amok.
2006-07-16 12:04:19 · answer #8 · answered by karen wonderful 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you gotta play hard ball, he is trying to break you down, change your number, and it will both shock and confuse him.tell him if he keeps acting like an as* you will start treating him like one, cause he lost the right to tell you sh*t when he walked out.i know this isnt easy, but if you stand up then he might start thinkin.
2006-07-16 12:20:07 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, join the club. Sucks, doesn't it. Take care of yourself and your kids, and forget the loser. And remember, what goes around comes around. God Bless.
2006-07-16 11:56:31 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋