Is it too much past?

Question

My husband was previusly married for more than 10 years, we live in the west coast and he use to live in the east coast, when he is on the computer he spends his time checking on the websites, channels, radios and any info he can get from the city where he use to live, so he is watching those channels all the time and know the news and the weather of his ex town (where his ex and kids live), plus he is always talking about how things where better there (which is the same time that he was previusly married) and how things worked better there, how he had a beautifull house, nice car, how his ex wife knew how to cook, as well as his mother, don´t you think that he is bringing way too much past in to our present lives? I get mad every time I check the history of the internet explorer and all I find are websites from his former town!! or home town, am I over reacting??

Answer 1

I can relate to him. I moved away from where I was born and raised when I married my husband. I miss it terribly. Its all I've really ever known. And I don't think his sole reason for talking about it and thinking about it is to remember is ex wife. He does have children and probably misses them a lot. I wouldn't be angry. Maybe you and your husband should go visit it for a week or so. Let him see his kids, see the place he misses. Stop checking the history on the internet, and tell him it upsets you and why, and find out why he really misses it so much.

Answer 2

Things might have been better then,but you must make him realize this is now. I can see him missing his children and wanting to know what is going on,but he sounds more like he is bored than anything else. Does he work? How does he have so much time to do these things? Did you know any of this before you got married? Tell him you understand he misses his past life,but that he owes it to you and himself to start another chapter in his life. Ask him to please not compare you to his ex because you are a totally different person,and don't you fall prey to comparing yourself. Comunication is the key. Talk to him,tell him your concerns. I feel that anytime two people can be very intimate,they ought to be able to talk to each other.

Answer 3

How often do you visit there? Maybe he is homesick, not for his ex, but for life as it was. The west and east coasts are very different. Is there a reason you two stay living on the west coast? maybe it's time for a move.

Answer 4

I'm sorry that you married a guy that can't let go of his past. While I'd never suggest that he forget or abandoned his kids, he does need to leave the past behind and start building a life with you. I think you need to confront him and tell him the truth...all his online searching is making you feel like you aren't as important to him as his past love was.

Tell him that you are tired of being compared to his last wife. She obviously doesn't like him or they'd still be together.

Answer 5

No, I believe you're justified in your anger. He sounds homesick plus he's away from his children. I don't think he's giving his new environment a chance. Unfortunately, you married someone with baggage and he needs to realize you are his life now. Maybe you need to discuss what is going on and how you both can make it better for one another.

Answer 6

No. I think you should tell him how it upsets you. If he wants to go back to his past, then he should tell you. If not you have the right to tell him to live in the present with you. It is ok to miss the area or town, but if he is longing to be with his ex, then let him. You deserve somebody who wants to be with you (right now) and not his past life. Best wishes on this.

Answer 7

I don't think you are overreacting. Maybe you should try and talk to him about this and see if there can't be a middle ground set up.