should my duaghter live rent free for 3 months ???

Question

29 yrs 3 kids boyfriend in and out of work trying to beat the system does not want to pay her way
living in my house what should i do

Answer 1

If you want her to be responsible than definitely NO...but don't be mean...sounds like she does need help.

Help her find safe affordable housing...does she drive?...Help her with things related to car and upkeep if you want...she needs to begin to feel self sufficient so she can believe that she can take care of these things.

I hope her babies daddies are all paying child support...if not turn your states child support enforcement on them....not private company but state agency preferable.

But she's in your house now right....give her a deadline for her own place...help her look...be supportive not mean. Maybe help w/ deposit...then learn the word NO!!!...
Say it nice but that was the best thing my parents ever did for me was to say sorry...don't have it .... wish we could help.

By all means love and listen, look out for red flags and help in positive ways when you can like school tuition for better paying jobs...daycare every now and then..once a week, once a month that kind of thing...they are your grand kids...don't make them suffer.

Good luck...the idea is to make them self sufficient and self reliable...tough love means saying no when required to and letting them sleep in the beds they make.

Answer 2

Tough one, huh? I often feel that life is much harder on the younger generation than it was when I was in my 20's. I couldn't wait to get out of my father's house at 18, and now I have a 29 yr old still in my house - just like you. Reason? He's still at university doing his law degree and can't work whilst doing it full time (Yes, I'm paying). I do not charge him rent, but I make him do chores (like the shopping or picking up school kids,and washing the car) and expect him to respect the rules of my house. For me, this arrangement has a time limit. I expect that once he finishes next year, he will have to move out and look after himself. My philosophy is I will accomodate students only - no one unemployed and no one who is working either.

My logic - if I babysit them now, what happens when I am not there - how will they cope? I am prepared to suffer the costs of education, but I will not keep anyone tthereafter - they must be responsible enough to look after themselves.

Your daughter should not be lazy and spoilt- she needs to get a good job and look after her kids, its obvious she has landed herself a lazy boyfriend, and she cannot rely on him. Let her stay, but kick the boyfriend out - you are under NO OBLIGATION to keep him. Then give her a time limit, and she must get a job and move out. And whilst with you, she must be helpful in the home. Share the housework. If she refuses, then she should find somewhere else to stay. You will be doing her a big favour if she realises she has to stand on her own two feet.

Answer 3

Hi, my boyfriend and i live at my mum and dads house we pay board but if you payrent then obvously if she has some money then she should help you out a little, she will get money for her children and her and her boyfriend should get some money as well if they are both claiming benefits. But you should definaley demand rent because they are living in your house and after all you pay the bills and there are extra mouths to feed. If they are only tempory staying and will be out of your house in a 3 months thats why they dont give you rent then that ok, but if its permenant they cant expect you to pay everything.

Answer 4

Honestly......... I am a 19 year old female and have been on my own since i was 17! I think that she is a big girl and needs to learn that living isn't free and she needs to grow up and take responsability! That is the best way to do it! Tough Love! Don't let her hinder your life! She created the children and should take care of them! And don't let her think that its ok to not have a job! She has children! How does she expect to take care of them!

Answer 5

There's no way at 29yrs I'd go back home with my kids!! No matter how hard things have been I've stuck it out by myself and kicked the worthless boyfriend to the curb, I mean if he wasn't going to help me but also drain my finances I could do with out him, so I did!!

You have to ask yourself this "How many times have you helped your daughter out?" Are you always there to bail her out of a crisis, if so don't you think it's time she stood on her own two feet?? I know it sounds harsh but as parents we have to let go of our kids at some point and let them take responsibility of their lives and their choices.

I'm 34yrs single parent of 3, brought the last one up by myself no help from family or child's father who left before the birth. My choice, my life had to get on and do!!

Answer 6

Tough situation as it's a little late to teach her economics and responsibility. If you have the guts, yup, it's time for her to start paying the piper but expect much gnashing of teeth and much more but less mild reactions.

Answer 7

Give her a fixed time to show that she is sorting herself out, after that, no more chances. Otherwise she will always assume you will be there to fix it and will have no incentive to earn her own way/dump the boyfriend or whatever she has to do to straighten her life out.

Answer 8

Make her pay rent and stop babysitting the kids all the time.

Answer 9

Then if you don't want her to live rent free. Tell her she needs to live somewherelse rent free, but she won't be doing that there. Do you think it'll be ok for her to live rent free there? If you don't, do and say something about it.

Answer 10

Be a good parent, tell her she can't freeload, she's got to work her way thro life the same as all decent people. Kick her *** out the door.