I know I should be well pleased... but I'm not?

Question

Hi there.





I'm a 33 year old married man. I have a beautiful wife whom I adore and 2 lovely children. For all the world we have a perfect life. I even feel like a bit of a hypocrit claiming i have a problem. You see.. I met my wife when we were very young. I was 17 and she was 15. Soon after we were expecting our first child. We made a committment to stay together and thankfully we were one of the lucky ones who were able to and are still able to make it work. Being in kinda a settled relationship I kinda gave up on stayin in shape and ended up very overweight. All tru my 20's I was very heavy. Other women were a non issue and I was very happily married anyway so i never gave it a bit of thought. However in my early 30's I got somewhat of a health scare and have since lost over 100lbs. I looked well for the first time in many years and other women have began to show an interest....lol please don't misunderstand...I'm not talking about having women flinging themselves at my feet or anything like that... But just showing an interest. whilst I can say with a hand on my heart I wouldn't entertain any of that carry on... in the back of my mind I'm somewhat torchered by the what ifs.. Sorry for such a trivial question but would anyone have any experience of this or have any helpful advice?

Answer 1

My best friend's dad once told her that you will always go through like going, "What if..."

You're right, you should be well-pleased. Don't let the attention go to your head and keep it focused on your family. Geez, you've been with her for 16 years now.

Answer 2

Yes, lots of experience...and you listen good!
You have put on a new body...keep it up and go for the gold..get the body of an Adonis, you can do it. As you get better and better, more and more women (and men) will hit on you, and they will be young, middle, and old...makes no difference, you will be able to have anything you want....but just remember this...these same people wouldn't give you a tumble when you were heavy! IT is NOT you they are after, it is the supposed perfect sex partner, the perfect orgasm, the perfect body they are chasing, not YOU as a person. You wife loves you as that person, she was there when you were........ok, let's just say it........FAT and ugly. She was there with the kids when you were FAT AND UGLY. With your wife, you have no fears that if you revert as you age, she will leave. Trust me, the ones that give you the come on want only one thing...instant gratification with the body beautiful. When you say NO, watch them move on to the next Perfect Body...sort of right down the line ! It is NOT you they want, it is a fantasy...and you are a real person. Now, do you really want to throw all you have away? You are not alone here...this happens to EVERY man who goes into the gym and makes it work...he becomes "beautiful" to others, and others react accordingly...but if all you have is an ability to lift iron, flex an arm, or puff up a chest, then you are about as shallow as they come. Get that perfect body and take it home to your wife...she deserves it for all those years it wasn't so perfect. Make up some games, play some roles, do whatever is fun, but do it with your wife. She does NOT deserve to have her faith in you destroyed, shattered, and her life wiped out. You know it and I know it. I have given you the scenario, and what I say .... I have experienced! A roll in the hay with a super model is NOT worth the time of day. You will get dressed and wonder what the hell have you done! Do not put yourself in that position under any circumstance...LISTEN TO ME...you are being a very bad boy! Now, get on the pec deck, do your job, and get your @$$ home! But, along the way, I advise you to really enjoy the attention! It is great being Mr. Hot Guy for a change, isn't it?

Answer 3

What if what? what is it that you think your missing. Let me tell you the only thing your missing is a whole alot of drama. the lord has blessed you be blessed. Don't mess it up. The only thing another woman can give you is some p ussy and a headache man take it from me i have seen it to many times be for. Now if you said you where extremely unhappy and you felt like you were wasting your life in your marriage i would say leave but thats not your case you done lost some weight and now you think you can do better, but whats better then being happy which you already r man go buy a new wardrobe not a new woman .

Answer 4

First off, congratulations on your weight lose. That's great.
Having other woman looking should make you feel good! But don't forget, beauty is only skin deep. Your wife loved you when you were heavy. So I'm sure she's happy with what you've accomplished. The other pasture isn't always greener. Be thankful for what you have. Your Wife and children. And thank God for giving you that second chance with life. (your health) . Don't go doing something you'll regret down the road. Remember that old saying? If it isn't broken, don't fix it! Enjoy your 2 children! Be Happy! God Bless.

Answer 5

I am guessing that is it normal for a now rather nice looking guy to be just a bit more than pleased that other women, who never noticed him before, are now acknowledging that you exist -- as a sexy guy?? Right? There is nothing the matter with that --- fantasies are free. But what you never experienced in your 20's, all good looking guys, (and women, married or not have experienced for 10 years -- they have a jump on you on how to handle it.)But to act on any of them, is stepping beyond the boundaries of good judgment that is, if you expect your marriage to continue. Take it as a compliment. If your marriage needs some spicing up, read the book "For You Both" by Lonnie Barbach. She is THE leading sex therapist in the nation today, and all sex therapists use her work, and the books mentioned in the bibliography. We are always touched by the "what ifs" and if we followed them, we are into counting numbers, and seeing just how many people we can bed. And that is pretty shallow in reality, though fun to imagine as a fantasy. Oh, and congrats on the weight loss -- bet your bride is proud of your accomplishment!!!!! :>)

Answer 6

What if what?
You and your wife obviously have worked very hard at your relationship over the years. I think it would be a shame to jeopadise anything just to satisfy your curiosity. Remember that she stuck by you when you were a bit of a bloater. I think it would be the ultimate insult to betray her now you are all trim.
Enjoy the attention.... you will probably get used to it after a while and it will seem like old hat. I am sure most men are tortured by the what if's, I think it's probably human nature. Concentrate on your beautiful wife! Be thankful you have a good relationship!

Answer 7

I'd say, share this with your wife. I'm positive she is very proud of your achievement of better appearance, and you hearing it explicity, from her, will take some of the sting of the what-ifs.

And whatever you two end up agreeing, never let your kids think, for an instant that you do not love them _or_ their mother. Even if you are not very happy at the moment with her reaction or any other possibility.

I know the what-ifs are a pain in the neck, but if you laugh at them, instead of listening to them, you will find them a lot easier to handle.

Answer 8

Good for you for getting back into shape....and for finding someone you love so much. It is flattering that women are flinging themselves at you - but I think you already know that you are very lucky to have what you've got, not to mention the life you have had, with your wife and kids. I think maybe you need a general change in your routine - it'll help stave off these wanton women and perhaps get more excitement and interest in your own relationship. It's not worth losing what you've got.

Answer 9

Of Course you are flattered by the attention but who stuck by you with the weight issue and as for the women would they have really bothered when you were overweight ?
Start doing new things with your wife as you have had a major change I'm sure you feel like you have a new lease of life, well go out and enjoy it together.

Answer 10

Yeah there's always that what if. your wife as much as u love her the very first time u saw her and she loves u back, I won't do anything silly CZ is hard to find someone this days that would be as fitful and honest as u might think. You never know what a good thing u have till is gone. So think about it. What if you leave her today and go out there and find out that what u think u missed is out there but then is not?

Answer 11

Yeah, wonder, fantasize, and dream all you want about what-ifs. Those are feebies. There isn't any way to convince you the grass isn't greener--but it isn't. One thing you might do is find a men's support group where you can talk about the grass on both sides of the fence. It's pretty normal to me to wonder and dream as you're doing. Maybe even, heaven forbid, healthy! Just keep the shiny side up.