Are arranged marriages , really deranged marriages?

Answer 1

An arranged marriage is a marriage that is at some level arranged by someone other than those being married and is usually used to describe a marriage which involves the parents of the married couple to varying degrees:

In a forced marriage, the parents choose the child's future spouse with little or no input from the child. If the child refuses the choice, he or she may be disowned or punished (in rare cases, killed). In most such cases, the marriage simply takes place anyway, overriding the child's objections. Motivating factors for such a marriage tend to be social or economic, i.e., the interests of the family or community that are served by the marriage are seen as paramount, and the will of the individual is insignificant.
In a traditional arranged marriage (not forced), the parents again choose the child's future spouse with little or no input from the child. If the child refuses the choice, the parents tend to respect the child's wishes and choose another possible spouse. However, considerable emotional pressure may be brought to bear to make the child "see reason". The main motivating factor in such marriages is the happiness of the child, but viewed from a paternalistic/maternalistic angle ("Parents know best").
In a modern arranged marriage, the involvement of the child is considerably more. Parents choose several possible mates for the child, sometimes with the help of the child (who may indicate which photos/biographies he or she likes, for example). The parents will then arrange a meeting with the family of the prospective mate, and the two children will often have a short unsupervised meeting (an hour long walk around the neighborhood together, for example). The children will then eventually choose who they wish to marry (if anyone), although parents may exert varying degrees of pressure on the child to make a certain choice of which they approve. The happiness of the child is the main concern, and the parents see their role as responsible facilitators and well-wishers.
A modern arranged marriage with courtship is the same as the above, except that the children have a chance to get to know each other over a longer period of time via e-mail, phone, or multiple in-person meetings, before making a decision. It takes considerably more courage on the part of the parents (as well as the children!) to go through this process. Some girls actually prefer a short (or no) courtship as they fear the stigma and emotional trauma of being rejected after a courtship.
Finally, in an introduction only arranged marriage, the parents will introduce their child to a potential spouse (that they found through a personal recommendation or a website, et cetera). The parents may briefly talk to the parents of the prospective spouse. From that point on, it is up to the children to manage the relationship and make a choice based on whatever factors they want, love or otherwise.
In almost all of the above cases except the forced marriage and perhaps the traditional arranged marriage, the child may be free to ignore the process and find a mate on their own and present them to their parents. The parents then tend to take over and handle the logistical aspects of the marriage.

In many cultures that are modernising, children increasingly tend to view an arranged marriage as an option that they can fall back on if they are unable or unwilling to spend the time and effort necessary to find an acceptable spouse on their own. The parents then become welcome partners in the child's mate hunt.

Sometimes, the term "arranged marriage" may occasionally be used even if the parents had no direct involvement in selecting the spouse. This could mean a meeting through a website or third party. Many Indians are choosing to meet their partners online, and the growth of Matrimonials Sites has been exponential over the past 5-10 years [citation needed].

In India, "Love marriages" are sometimes called "Self-arranged marriages", perhaps to avoid some of the negative opinions that are still held against young people choosing their own partners.

A "marriage of convenience" is a term sometimes applied if a couple decides to marry primarily for reasons other than love.

Answer 2

Up front I'll admit I really don't know--but it would seem that if a marriage is arranged and it was part of your culture you might go into it with the attitude, "Okay well now I'm married to this person, I have my life partner now." And go about your life with that attitude and learn to love the person. However, in a marriage for 'love' many people go into the marriage with the attitude "I love this person so I married them" Then when they no longer feel love, well they back out of the marriage. Statistically, arranged marriages have higher success rates. I'm not saying that I would want an arranged marriage (Well, I'm already married anyway). Or would want it for anyone in my family because I'm too Westernized in my thinking. But I can see the positive side or argument for those cultures that practice it.

Answer 3

When a marriage is in crisis, the people turn to their familys and their support groups. If it's not an arranged marriage, there is often a degree of animosity toward the other spouse, so often the family who is a support group will say to break it off. Now arranged marriages on the other hand, the families know and respect each other. When a rough time comes up, both familes can aid in seeing thru the crisis. I used to think arranged marriages were stupid until mine failed when her family advised her to destroy me and get as much money out of me as possible. I am older and wiser now.

Answer 4

I have had 3 marriages. The first was arrnaged by my father (mother was gone), who loved me and, more than any thing, wanted me to be happy. I went to him and asked him to find me a good husband. Of course, I had complete veto rights. The first one I met was mutual love at first sight. We had one of the happiest marriages I could ever imagine. Unfortunately, he got killed. Looking back I married #2, who was a brutal SOB, who mistreated me in every way you could think of, on the rebound. I was incredibly foolish. I had to convince my brothers (5 of them) to simply let me divorce him. They are/were quite protective of me, and wanted to take much stronger, very illegal action against him. (No one messes with our baby sister!) The third husband was introduced to me by a mutual friend. We have had our struggles over the years, but we have grown to love each other deeply and I am sure we are together for life.

So can arranged marriages work? Sure, under the right conditions. Can so-called " love marriages " be deranged? Look at the divorce rate in Western countries, where this accounts for almost all marriages. Either way can work, if you start with two decent, reasonably healthy (phyically and mentally) ppl with similar value systems, who are determined to make it work.

Two more points. If ppl get married with the idea that if it doesn't work , they'll get a divorce, they'll get a divorce. Even in the best marriages (ie, my first), there are times it doesn't work. Working through those times (like my third) is what makes a marriage strong and meaningful and helps love to grow.

Second point. (Forgive me if shouting this is rude.) NO ONE SHOULD EVER, EVER, EVER STAY IN OR BE FORCED TO STAY IN AN ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP OR MARRIAGE!!!

I should mention that all the ppl involved here were native-born American citizens except my Dad and #3, both of whom are immigrants from two different continents.


Sorry, I didn't mean to write a book,I just had something to say.

Answer 5

Not really, in many cases they turn out to be successful ones. Arranged marriages were very popular in the old days, propably during the times of our great grandmother or grandmothers and even parents. Till this date, I find many of my friends getting married (arranged marriages), and frankly they do seem to be very successful.

A down part for arranged marriages is that the love might not be there from the start, it can however develop by time or just go down the slope.

Answer 6

Not all the time. Sometimes arranged marriages work out to be some of the most loving and caring relationships.

Answer 7

Arranged marriages are deranged. Only 2 people can decide if they love each other or not, anyone else cant determine what or who is best for you.

Answer 8

well, depends whether they really are arranged, some are actually forced...but the overall arranged marriages are quite successful and seem to last a long time. Sad but in some cultures it is the norm :)
p.s. in an arranged marriage, it doesnt necesserily mean that the spouces dont know each other, they can choose to have as long as they want to get to know each other before the marriage takes place. take care x

Answer 9

I have lived in what I was taught to believe is a free society, therefore; I have preset ideas about what freedom is. Up until the past few decades many marriages were arranged by family and friends to protect wealth and reputations. It is not as unusual as you may think. Not all arranged marriages are bad, but not all are good. It would be interesting to know the divorce rates in a-rranged marriages!

Answer 10

Arranged marriages are a horrible and despicable concept. I can't imagine anything worse than having a woman picked for me. Even if I would have loved her anyway, the idea that she was "assigned" to me would still bother me.

Yes it is deranged. Whoever came up with the idea should spend eternity being shocked by really slimy eels. Oh, and they should be paired up with someone ugly, hairy, and who smells bad. A match made in Hell.